Temporarily tired of JW boyfriend. Should I: a) leave

by SEL 54 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Berengaria

  This guy works a part-time job to support himself as he devotes most of his time to the organization. His handful of non-JW friends apparently do not see a single problem with that.

  This comment alone should make you think.

  I assume you are young, but I would ask you to imagine playing this game with him (or far worse) for the next 20 years. Maybe having a couple of children. Is this really the life you see for yourself? End it now, it's not your responsibility to "save" him. Only he can do that. You are just prolonging your own pain.
• 

  yknot

  I'm trying to answer is whether it's my duty to help someone I deeply care about, regardless of what our relationship is. If God were to offer me a deal where he leaves the organization but our relationship would be over, I wouldn't hesitate for a second.

  This guy works a part-time job to support himself as he devotes most of his time to the organization. His handful of non-JW friends apparently do not see a single problem with that.

  Awwww Sweety! Bless your heart!!!

  I suppose in ending the relationship you could be direct with him. Afterall he must make his own mind up and all you can do is be honest and plant a seed or two.

  So perhaps say you have been giving serious consideration as whether you could ever 'make the Truth your own'........ in doing so you have taken a lot of time 'making sure all things' using the WTS's own books and magazines...... in doing so you have looked into the Organization's claims and have found that much of what is said today is revision of revisions explaining why Armageddon has yet to arrive and why the WTS should be seen as an authority. In seeking the truth of their claim of authority you found out that even that is a revised story...... The 'enthronement' of Christ was 1878 until it was changed in May 1922 and the 'parousia' or 'second coming of Christ' was 1874 until 1943. You can't help being of logical mind to discern that it sounds fishy for Christ to have returned and been enthroned in 1914 and in finding the WTS only as worthy in 1918 but withholding his enthronement for 8 years and his parousia for 29 years.......

  Urge him to read for himself the books found in his KH library......if they don't have a decent collection of Russell, Rutherford, Knorr and so forth tell him that many can be found on digital library sites like www.archive.org which make available books which are no longer under copyright .

  Here is one of the 'better collections' on that site but there are also many recordings and other WTS stuff too if he searches some!

  http://www.archive.org/details/WatchTowerBibleandTractSocietyofPennsylvaniaWatchTowerpubs_0

  Huggles
• 

  GLTirebiter

  SEL, please read the article Lady Lee posted on Freeminds today. The story she tells is a sad one, that many of us have lived through.
• 

  dgp

  SEL, a worldly here. Would you PM me and tell me your story? From what I see, you're revealing only bits and pieces. That is your right, of course.

  JGNat posted this:

  "Would I stay if I knew he/she would never leave?"

  I wish someone had asked me this question when I put myself into serious trouble. My clear answer would have been "no". Maybe I wouldn't have learned as much, because my experience with the witness was indeed a life changing experience, but I would have been spared a lot of heartbreak and pain. And more.
• 

  MartynAndrew

  my two cents- run, it ain't worth it, find someone else and get one with life, this person could be a broken record, and if you think it sucks now give it five or ten years.
• 

  asleif_dufansdottir

  Here's something I think too few people consider...What if you do manage to get him out, marry him...and because of some major life crisis he returns to the JWs?

  People who don't wake up and decide to exit all on their own...ESPECIALLY people who were raised in it, and have major family/friend ties in it...for a lot of them it's always going to be the 'default'. And the harder you have to work to convince him that it's a 'cult', the better chance he's going to up and decide on his own someday to return.

  We turn into our mothers, guys, in some ways, really do turn into their dads in late middle age. Keep that one in mind too ;o)
• 

  james_woods

  You guys are right. It's hard to love someone, at least romantically, when thinking about them only makes me anxious and stressed. I guess we can't be a couple when one of us is a JW, but I'm reluctant to do something drastic like cut off contact, which just seems cruel.

  jeckle, when we met he was in the process of getting reinstated and kept his JW past a secret. Then when he thought he needed to bring it up, he invented this elaborate lie where a couple JWs knocked on his door and he started studying with them and thought it made sense.

  That was 4 days ago -

  Maybe SEL has already made up her mind and just wanted some moral support to back it up. I for one - would like very much to hear from her again for the resolution.
• 

  SEL

  I can't tell you how grateful I am for all of your advice. However, no resolution as of yet.

  I'm nervous of him finding this, though I doubt he'd visit these kinds of sites. After a month of being JW to the point of robotic, he spent the past week reverting back to his normal, happy, non-JW self (normalcy starting the day after I made this thread). I'm not very religious, but perhaps it's God giving us an ironic situation to chuckle over.
• 

  dgp

  I wish you the very best, SEL.
• 

  The Oracle

  here comes the trend bucker....

  and after a quick scan of the comments perhaps the one voice that will spark you to explore option B a bit longer...

  I think your mind and heart want to try and help this guy out, and you may regret not trying if you turn and run now.

  So here's an idea.

  Stick with him for a while longer andd put forth the effort to help free his mind.

  It doesn't mean you need to stay with him forever. However, through the process of attempting to free his mind and save his life from a destructive cult you will no doubt discover if he is truly the one for you and if your love for him is deep and real.

  If you discover he is not for you, you move on with your life - but at least you can sleep well knowing that you either freed a mind from a destructive cult or at the very least you did everything you could to free him from the cult.

  Enjoy the journey.

  The Oracle