This is breaking news! It comes from my inside sources is psycho-land and they are trustworthy. Trust me. It turns out that Johhny the Bethelite's grandmother had an innappropriate relationship with Nathan Knorr and they had a baby who was named "Janette the Bethelite." She was raised at Brooklyn Bethel, but it was all kept in private.
When Janette the Bethelite got older, she had an inappropriate relationship with the entire Governing Body. (Some of them had to use duct tape and popsicle sticks to help out with their performance.) In fact, she was the star attraction at the opening of the Wednesday afternoon GB sessions. Some of the members (in fact, MOST of the members) needed drugs to help in doing this dastardly deed, but they keep those kind of helping drugs in a vault at Bethel. It was rumored that Knorr used about all of them in stock every week so he could give his "masturbation" talks to the new boys at Bethel. The drugs helped him from boinking the new boys and Knorr knew this, and the drugs kept him from being anything but a nice person, too. Double benefit. Well worth spending the parishoners money. After all, it went to the "worldwide preaching work."
Anyway, Janette the Bethelite went around boinking all the willing Bethel boys she could find, and she was protected from her misdeeds by Nathan and Freddie and Milton. Then Janette the Bethelite was with-child and she gave birth to Johnny the Bethelite and Teddie smiled because he was the father. Teddie lovingly raised Johnny and lovingly taught Johnny not to commit the sins the Bible forbids. He did this by demonstrating those sins to Johnny and then he said, "DON'T DO THAT. IT IS WRONG. Come back tomorrow and I will teach you more and prove to you by doing that again to show you that you should not ever do that outside of my office and outside of Bethel."
Then Johnny came to Six Screens and told a story.
I also believe in invisible purple unicorns. Doesn't everyone?
Farkel, Makes Up Shit CLASS
Farkel, you got me thinking.... It would be great to get Janette on this weeks call. Publishing Cult is our special guest but maybe we could bump him up a week. 