An Interesting Turn of Events

by headisspinning 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  headisspinning

  So, if she can't say "I'm done"... how can she communicate to the family that she won't be going to meetings or in service? And that she doesn't want to be hassled about it?

  She has basically been stumbled by the lack of love and concern she's been shown by the congregation. They've basically forgotten about her.

  At the Memorial she was given a major guilt trip by one of the elders and then the P.O. didn't even know her name... she realized that she is not a priority to any of them.

  Just for a little bit of background, she moved here in the fall. She has only attended a handful of meetings because of the 'health issues' I mentioned.

  The elders know about her circumstances but they have made it clear that unless she's at the meetings (regardless of her situation) they are not interested in her.
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  leavingwt

  So, if she can't say "I'm done"... how can she communicate to the family that she won't be going to meetings or in service? And that she doesn't want to be hassled about it?

  She can say, "I'm going through a very difficult time, right now. Please know that I love you and please understand that what I need from you right now is your understanding. When people ask me questions, it really makes me uncomfortable and it makes me feel very stressed. I will definitely call you if I need someone to talk to."

  Then, she simply STOPS going to meetings, service, etc.

  She must PREPARE for people asking nosy questions. They will ask. She can speak in terms of how she FEELS.

  Simply put, she must avoid giving the impression that the problem is THEM.
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  Yan Bibiyan

  HS,

  You mentioned your sis has some health problems. She can tell elders or nosy a-holes that she is under a lot of stress, even magnified by the health issues and she needs some time to get better. If they press, keep saying it is a private matter and I do not want to discuss it. And yes, I have prayed about it to Jehovah and the best thing now for me is to take some time off to help me get better.

  This should get them off her back for a while, then if they insist on shepherding visits, tell them it is not the time yet when I am ready to come back. I am the only one who knows when I am ready to come back...

  Then rinse and repeat.

  Hopefully this will help.

  As LWT says, keep her mouth shut (this mat seem harsh to say, but is the ONLY thing that would keep her out of trouble.

  -Yan
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  headisspinning

  Okay, thanks guys. I will pass all of this on to her.

  I think a big issue for her is she wants to associate with my husband and I and she can't deal with family giving her flack about it.

  Maybe telling them loudly and clearly to back off will get their attention and keep them at bay... at least for now.

  I highly doubt the elders will bother her. For the elders, people like us are just too much work and their 'pat' answers (oh - read your text, be at the meetings) just don't cut it.
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  TheListener

  Yes HIS, I think the advice you've received from Leaving and Yan is spot on. Not saying anything is the hardest part of leaving while trying to maintain family and friends.

  I wish you and your family all the best.
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  headisspinning

  Many thanks to all of you once again!
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  leavingwt

  bttt -- Others may have some good advice/suggestions for you.