Yesterday at work I received a text message from my sister that my 91 yr old Grandmother is unconscious, her organs are shutting down, and they're just keeping her comfortable. She said that they moved her to a group home, and gave me the address. That's all. I thanked her for letting me know. I thought maybe I'd get a phone call from my Mom, no such luck. Why would I go there when the wouldn't speak to me if I passed them on the street? Plus everyone would be uncomfortable, including me. If I don't, they'll read into it, and I'll be judged for that! When she does pass, I have no intention of going to her Memorial talk. Is there any reason I should go? I don't see that it would serve any purpose.
My Grandma's dying...I found out by way of an impersonal text message.
by petitebrunette 27 Replies latest jw experiences
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Pams girl
Hi, I dont know your family history but Im guessing your no longer part of the close family circle....DFd? DAd?
Anyhow, I think that sending you a text was a cold and downright disgraceful thing to do.....could not 1 member of your family have had to common decency to at least phone you? Dreadful. Im sorry about your gran. You must do what you think is right not what they expect of you. Maybe you can remember your gran in your own special way, light a candle, or put some pictures together in a memory box.....
Thinking of you x
Paula x
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willyloman
This is one of those situations where the dubs "win" because they have you painted into a corner. As you point out, you are damned if you do, damned if you don't, as far as attendance at her memorial.
I advise you to take the long view about such matters. What counts is that you remember your grandmother in an appropriate way. If they've closed the door to the KH to you, then just don't go. Hold your own informal memorial. You can do this later, at the gravesite, if there is one. Or you can be proactive in another way. If you know what your grandmother's interests were, make a donation to an appropriate charity (or just pick one you like) in her name. Then let your relatives know (by mail )that you did so, by way of honoring her memory.
That way you'll always know that you paid your respects. And so will they.
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Finally-Free
It's hard to say because every family has its own dynamics. If it were me, visiting would depend on the relationship I had with the person. If the relationship was good I'd go see her, and ignore any "family" that I had no current relationship with.
If your grandmother was shunning you I see no reason to visit. As for what other 'family" might say, it's irrelevent. They're JWs, which means they'll find something negative to say no matter what you do.
W
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sir82
Is there any reason I should go? I don't see that it would serve any purpose.
Success is the best revenge. If nothing else, it's an oportunity to show the JWs you aren't a teeth-gnashing shell of who you used to be because you stopped "serving Jehovah", nor are you a heavily-tattooed, nose-ringed, spike-haired coke-sniffing transvetite as most JWs assume a still-rebellious apostate must be.
My apologies if you really are a heavily-tattooed, nose-ringed, spike-haired coke-sniffing transvetite
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Pams girl
Hahaha sir82.....but whats a transvetite?
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clarity
Petitebrunette,
Once we wake up ... the jw religion becomes ever increasingly just insane!!
Sorry about gramma.
As I think about my grandaughter and the close relationship we've enjoyed, I would want her come with a friend (for support)and be with me. She has my unconditional love and knows I'm there for her NO MATTER WHAT! If she didn't, she might later have large regets.
However, if gramma is shunning you, along with the family, or not been a support for you in any way ever ......... well think for a minute who's shunning who here? If that's the case does it really matter what the shunners think?
all the best
clarity
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petitebrunette
Thank you all SO much for your comments, it helps a lot! Yes I'm DF'd, but not HEAVILY tattooed...lol...none actually. I can appreciate the revenge thing, I think about that everytime I go into a store, thinking I may see a witness. I try to look my best, and very happy, which I am! I'm sure they think I'm miserable and lonely. It's amazing how much I am at peace despite not speaking to my family for the last year.
My Grandma did shun me also, so I don't feel right showing up at either the group home, or the memorial they'll have for her. I like your suggestion Pam of having my own memorial and way of remembering her. And Willyloman, I will donate to a charity in my Grandma's honor and let the family know. That way they won't think that I'm just being disrespectful.
My boyfriend has been really affected by all of this as well. I know he's completely frustrated with the shunning, and I'm afraid that he'll express that to the family. They, being the ones in the right, will try to convince him, and it will be a mess.
You've given me different ways to look at it, thank you!
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mamalove
She probably thought that was the best way to tell you, then she wouldnt feel guilty for speaking to you. I had an experience opposite of you this last week.
My grandfather had a stroke, and my aunt got in a bad car accident all in the same week. I called my sister to tell her about grandpa, and she never answered of course, and I left a voicemail. I was not sure if she got it because her voicemail was generic. So I emailed her and told her that I had left her a voicemail. She responded with a "thanks for letting me know." Not even a concern how her only living grandfather is! I texted her about my aunt and no reply. I found it to be very cold hearted to not even inquire. Now mind you my grandpa and aunt are anti JW and she knows it.
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petitebrunette
@ Mamalove- I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandpa and Aunt, I hope they'll be ok. That response is exactly what I said to my sister. I waited over an hour trying to think of what I should say. Maybe she thought I was being cold, so much is read into a text or email. That's why a phone call is so much better. I'm still being judged on my emails from last yr when I was being df'd. No one called to talk to me, and say goodbye. My mom was just too upset. I can just picture the family talking about who would contact me. They probably called my Uncle at Bethel about what would be the "right" thing to do. So many rules, no acting on what is actually loving.