Tell them you love them and are very grateful for all they have done for you. Give them a parting gift of thanks. Be true to yourself and how you want to exit. Be clear when you tell them you have enjoyed the studies and their friendships but you are terminating the studies at this time.
Want to quit Bible study
by confusedstudent 89 Replies latest jw friends
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petitebrunette
I'm sorry you're in this difficult situation, it certainly isn't easy. I've lost a lot in the last year, but have a great relationship with my boyfriend. I also only have the friends at work, they've been great. These sisters have become your friends, and they not only helped you in your time of need, but you also added to their life. If you find, that they won't continue as your friends, be patient and you have the opportunity to meet new friends in your new job. If your husband is away, and you're feeling lonely, volunteer your time somewhere that really has a need. You sound like you're a very strong person, having come through a lot, and you'll get through this. It's very hard to understand the conditional love that they give, but it is what it is...not very logical or loving. Sad but true. Hang in there!
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Black Sheep
a way to get out of this gracefully and without hurting feelings
There isn't one. The Watchtower made sure of that. That's not quite true .... there is a way but it is very long and convoluted and could take years and can go wrong very easily at any stage. You damned near need a degree in a relevent branch of psychiatry to do it.
Don't feel any guilt. It wasn't your fault. You didn't ask them to teach you garbage as truth.
If the Watchtower hadn't sent these ladies with their sweet talk and lies, they wouldn't be in this position.
If the ladies had done due diligence on the Watchtower's teachings, they wouldn't be in this position.
Just be thankful that the only 'friends' you are losing are some cult members that will drop you like a hot potato if they ever think you have become an opposer... and remember that these ladies, in the future, would shun you if you didn't choose to shun your own children if they joined, then left, their cult.
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Black Sheep
... or worse ... they would shun your children if they didn't choose to shun you if you joined then left their cult.
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jean-luc picard
You seem clear in your head and heart: you do not want to be a jw.
You do not have to justify yourself. As others have said. Just tell them that you are no longer interested.
They will try and " softly softly" ask why, etc etc . They are trained to deal with this kind of situation.
You must be firm.
If it is not your personality, to be firm, and you are a little afraid, maybe ask someone to be with you. They could wait in the kitchen/bedroom, intervening if the person gets too pushy.
And frankly, you do not want this person to stay your friend. Its not their fault, but they are programmed to keep coming back and trying again, always on the charge, always waiting for a moment of weakness. It would be better for you, never to see them again.
Good luck. Be strong. We are thinking of you.
very practical ideas anewme
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Listener
Tell them that your husband would be able to assign them volunteer work to help in areas of immediate need and would they like to get a group together to do this. Throw back the same guilt responses that they use on you.
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Reopened Mind
Dear Confused Student,
You have been given much good advice on how to gracefully bow out of your study. Getting a full-time job will help.
If you become an unbaptized publisher (hopefully you will decline) you will be told how to count your time. Believe me the sisters who study with you are turning in a report on you every month. They count the time they spend with you, they count you as a Bible study, and every time they visit you they count you as a return visit. You were probably counted as a return visit when the sister took you to the emergency room and she also likely counted that time spent with you.
I, like DagothUr, became a Witness as a result of a Bible study. Thirty eight years later I wish I had had the courage to say "no".
Do not worry about hurting their feelings. You need to worry about what is right for you and your family. I am sorry that you miscarried your twins. Think really hard about what raising children in a cult would be like. For starters there are no holiday celebrations, no birthdays, no Christmas, no mother's or father's days. The only thing the Witnesses "celebrate" is a death----the Memorial. You will be expected to keep busy with "theocratic activities", ie. meetings, field service, assemblies, conventions, to which you will be expected to bring your children. There are no activities designed for children.
You did a good thing by coming here. Now listen and learn from our mistakes.
All the best,
Reopened Mind
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RADHESYAM
Firstly I want to say how sorry I am to hear of your situation having a miscarriage is a very sad experience My heart goes out to you.
But one thing I hae learnt is that cults - whether it is JW's or any other cult- just love to prey on peope who have hardship in their life - it makes you an easier target to use their "love bombing" on.
All cults use that method: hit you with lots of love and make you feel s special and a part of something great... but once you are "in" suddenly the love is no longer undoconditional and you MUST conform to their rules or else.
I wasn't always a JW growing up... my aunt was one and my dad got involved after he broke his back at work and had to go on a pension.
I didn't realize it for a few years because i was too young and easily suckered in but my dad fit the typical JW recruitment model.
When I was 16 I was sitting in the KH one night and I looked around at everyone in the room and did a quick "stocktake" on their lives. Almost every single person in the hall that night was either affected by a severe ilness or in a family with a servere illness. We had cancer patients/ lupas patients/ chronic fatigue/severe "bubble boy type allergy" girl (who had to attend in the back room listenign to the PA because she couldnt sit in the hall) Could there possibly be such a high percentage of sick people in the world? WHy was everyone in our congregation SO sick?
The answer I came up with was that it WASNT that the jehovahs witnesses had become sick.. it's that the SICK had become witnesses.
After all - Jehovahs wintesses are promising everlasting life with NO sickness.... and even becoming young again... its obvious why this religion was so attractive to these sick people.
I watched for the next few months the "newly interested" ones who came to the KH.... there was a definate theme going on: sick people, single mums, people who had just moved into town with no friends, and otherwise generally lonely people....
I realize that you have come to love and trust these women over time... but the sad fact is that like all JW's they will be your friends as long as you show potential, but they will cease to be your friends if you decide to leave - een if they ARE genuine and DO truly loe you - it will STILL Happen,
Because if you decide to stop studying you when then be branded as "bad association" and they will not be allowed to associate with you.
but PLEASE do not blame these women it is NOT their fault!
I think those that are criticizing the sisters need to stop and remember that these sisters are just acting the way the SOCIETY teaches them to act. They are just poor misguided fools who are following the rules and are brainwashed into acting that way. Some of us here used to act like that too before we realized we had been brainwashed. Don't blame the publishers - blame the societty.
AS to what you should do now - please do NOT go to the publisher interview meeting.. you are just getting yourself deeper into the mess. You will officially be "one of them" and you will be subject to their rules.
You should follow the advice above and show them JWFACTS and sites like this one and tell them WHY you are not interested.
Saying you are busy will NOT work.. they will call you more and not stop. You need to be HONEST with them and tel them WHY you are not interested. As others have stated you MAY help them see the REAL truth... and if you love them as you claim - surely you want to help them too.
Once they know you have been getting information from DF/ ex dubs - and if you tell them you BELIEVE the facts against JW"s you WILL be branded as "apostate" and association will stop because "the rules say so" and they will not want to become "contanimated" by you. You can prettty much guarantee that things will stop VERY quickly.
In future if any JWS come to your door - Tell them you are disfellowshipped or disassociated and they must immediately leave and not talk to you , and write you on their maps to never call on you. (I tell EVERYONEwho asks how to keep JW's away to do this - it is the ONLY guaranteed way to fend them off)
PLease stop by here and let us know how you are doing
Good luck with your new job
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Room 215
dear confusedstudent: You say you "loved these women with all (my) heart;" do doubt you did/still do.
What I think you're saying is: you fear the moment you tell them you've reconsidered your decision to be baptised it will snuff out what you regard as a genuine friendship; that they will be unwilling to reciprocate your wish to have the relationship survive that disclosure.
Sadly, as you may have seen on this forum and elsewhere, there's considerable evidence to suggest your instincts are accurate in this respect.
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Black Sheep
but PLEASE do not blame these women it is NOT their fault!
I wouldn't be so sure about that, RADHESYAM
I have seen my parents get lessons while out knocking on doors and they chose to ignor them and carry on preaching Watchtower doctrine.
I have nad my Dad read John 20:28 to me and miss out a word. He chose to ignor an inconvenient word in his own Bible because of the implications for Watchtower Christology.
I have had my Dad agree to the length of reign of each of the Neo-Babylonian kings and he chose not to discuss it any further because what he had just agreed to undermined his church's primary doctrine .......... and he is still out banging on doors looking for new victims. He is a very naughty boy and he needs a jolly good spanking.
Chris