Having intense nostalgia-is that bad? (page 2)

ashitaka

Latte, cool post. Thanks for the words. It must have been much harder for you than it was for us. I know we'll get better, it'll just take time.

ashi

Obviously, all relationships are two ways, unless you are a stalker. I'm sure there are a lot of people who complain about being shunned, when they were also avoiding their JW friends because they KNEW it wouldn't work, or that their love is conditional. If you want any freedom of speech, you should do whatever YOU think is right to maintain the friendship, whether you think it is futile or not. Have a little faith in the human spirit and try to be understanding and at least you can say you've done your part.

Latte

amccullough,

Nice post!

My main goal is to not get hurt myself......I guess it's that what makes it difficult

Have a little faith in the human spirit and try to be understanding and at least you can say you've done your part.

...is a very good suggestion - Thanks!

joelbear

Ashi,

Mine is more complicated than yours because of the homosexual issue. Even old JW friends that might accept my ex-witnessness, may never accept my living as an openly homosexual man.

I too lost the best friend who I was supposed to be best man for. He got married soon after I was dismissed from Bethel. While I was a regular pioneer at the time, I assume he didn't want a disgraced homo in all his wedding pictures. It hurt, but what can you do.

I had dozens of close friends. I miss them. When I go through bad times I think how much I wish they were there to help me through them and me help them through theirs.

Like most things, I think nostalgia is good when it is kept in balance. Whenever you start totally discounting your present life or your future and try to recapture the "good ol days" you are in for disappointment.

Recently one of my best friends from childhood was also disfellowshipped for a while and I called her to chat. We laughed for 5 or 10 minutes about all the goofy stuff we had done together with "that old gang of mine" and then we quickly ran out of things to say to each other. Thus comes the danger of trying to back up in life.

I wouldn't cut people out of my life simply because they are witnesses. I called all my friends and made them tell me that they didn't want me to call them any more until I was reinstated. I made them make the statement that I was out of their life. I think that exercise has helped rid me of a lot of angst knowing that it was, in the end, their choice, not to accept me for the Joel that I am.

take care and let me know if you would like to chat by voice.

hugs

Joel

25ashitaka25

Thanks, Joel.

ashi

pandora

I'd call the one that told you not to ignore his message.
But I am an eternal optimist.
What if he had doubts and knew I was the only one he could safely talk to about it? I couldn't NOT call him.
You say they are already shunning you, right? Then he has more to loose by calling you than you do calling him. Just think about the worst thing that could happen when you call him. Get ready for it. And when something better happens you will be pleasently surprised.

ashitaka

The person who called and told me not to ignore his message was in his 'I'm going to kick your ass of you don't straiten up' tone. I know him. He would have invited us to dinner and told me afterwards if he had doubts.

I think he had a guilt trip for 'stumbling' us (he didn't but he may think it's that way), and called to make himself feel better. It's ok. I love the guy anyway.

Ah...this is the reason mead was made.

ashi

pandora

I apologize Ashi -
I didn't realize there was a tone to his call. You know these people better than anyone. If you feel that no good can come of the meeting, then there is no reason to meet with them at all.
Be free. And don't regret your freedom.

singsongboi

joelbear...!!!!

saw your post in this thread...

would like to know more about your leaving bethel and df'ing.....

if u care to share this u may like to email me - address in my profile..

thanx

kenni

ladonna

Ashi,

It's normal to feel all the feelings you have decribed, and yet in reality, as you have already said, their love is conditional.

Ashi, it really is best to leave the past alone. It's hard, painful, and leaves a very empty feeling to do this, but in the long run, it's the healthiest decision you could make.

My opinion only,
Ana

Having intense nostalgia-is that bad?

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