Now my marriage vow is directly connected to remaining a witness...

by DavinciCodeBreaker 49 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  itscrap&theyknowit!

  I had to end my relationship with my family in order to move on.

  This is what ppened to me. ALL family are JWs. I've had to just 'cut them off' so that I may move on. Not that I'm living my life as a killer or a prostitutue or a bed-jumping whore. I'm the normal woman who has a brighter outlook on life. But, the Organization MAKES your loved ones feel you are worse than the poop that comes out of a dog. It hurt, at first, because my family doesn't practice the JW way of life. They are in in by 'name only' as many other JWs are. I've lived without my mother, sisters (one of whom is d.f. but she goes to a meeting here and there) and my two brothers and a host of other family members. Our Dad passed away July 2010 waiting on the world to end (you know, every 2 years we're right around the corner from the New System). I thought upon his premature demise we would really stick together to take care of Mom's well-being.

  Oh well...so much for mind-control.
• 

  carla

  came to the conclusion that if I told her instead that I had been cheating on her that this news would have been met with a more rational response than me wanting to leave the WT.--- funny, that's how I felt when my joined the jw's! Many people asked me if it wouldn't be easier if that wasn't the problem rather than him joining a cult.

  For better or worse? yes, that means SHE must stick with it for better or worse too! SHE must listen to her 'head' (you) according to the rules in jw land. I suggest you start planning some fun weekends away with her and force a semi fade for her as well. If she will not go with you go anyway.

  She doesn't have to like your new found mental freedom, afterall you don't like her staying in the dangerous and deadly cult do you? Give it some time and you two may find a way to do the difficult dance of one being in a cult and one not.

  In my house we have unspoken rules, nobody is allowed to leave their 'literature' out, ever. No wt literature and I don't leave apostate literature out. That way the house is a more neutral zone, a sanctuary for the two of you, a place for your marriage. To implement this rule may start WW3 for a short while but soon you will find it is the best way to keep the wt out of your life rather than seeing it 24/7. I also do not allow any jw's in my home or near it but then I was never a jw so this is easier for me than it would be for you. Would she allow new so called apostate friends of yours in the house while she sits politely and/or plays hostess?

  It is going to be hard at first but it can get easier. May I suggest not going to the occasional meetings? From what I have seen is that it only gives the jw hope that you are only temporarily deranged and soon you will see what a big mistake you have made and come back. She must understand that you will never, ever go back. If she wants to 'study' something with you, do it only if she will 'study' something you want to 'study' first such as C of C book or something like that. Or make a deal that you will read the Bible but not a NWT with her but no wt literature. With jw's it is all about 'let's make a deal' only they never live up to their side of the bargain unless you do your 'deal' first.

  I wish you luck but know it won't be easy and could be quite hellish for awhile.
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  undercover

  What happens when one marriage mate awakens from the WT stupor and the other hasn't, the one that hasn't sees the one as leaving the bOrg as also leaving the marriage. They equate them as one and the same. Threefold cord with Jehovah and all that... Another cult indoctrination from our friends at the WTS.

  What you have to do is convince your spouse that your having doubts about the WTS to the point of leaving it behind has nothing to do with her. You still love her. But be prepared...the words will fall on deaf ears at first. You have to convince them through action. And that takes time. You may have to go to extra efforts to show that your committment to the marriage is stronger than ever. It's hard at first. It requires patience and a lot of tongue biting. Remember, they're a victim as you were. But you have to face the fact that some marriages don't make it. A lot of it depends on how strong the marriage was to start and how strongly indoctrinated the spouse still in is.
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  Scully

  She then informed me that my marriage vow in particular “for better or for worse” would mean that I should continue my spiritual routine with her regardless of how I feel.

  By the same token, her marriage vow "for better or for worse" would mean that she would have to stay with you even if your "spiritual routine" ended. Nice of her to attempt to twist it to her own advantage, though. The way she's twisting it would imply that if you lost a leg, you would have to walk as though you still had one, without the aid of crutches. Does she realize how ridiculous and impossible that is?

  Oh yeah, and her marriage vow included the phrase "deeply respect" - ask her how forcing you to attend Meetings™ against your will is showing "deep respect".
• 

  Magwitch

  She will be just fine - Stick to your plan - no weeknight meetings - let her know you mean business. There comes a time when we cannot enable our witness family anymore.
• 

  StoneWall

  Quoting DavinciCodebreaker:

  I recently informed my wife of 25 years (the love of my life) that I just cannot go on any longer with this facade.

  After the meeting on Sunday i told her that I am going to begin my “phase out program”. I just can’t do this anymore.

  I reminded her this morning that I would not be attending the mid-week meeting this week and she just looked at me with the “death stare”.

  Davinci notice the words I underlined in your words I quoted above. It seems to me that you may be laying it on a little too fast and too thick.

  From Sunday to this morning is only two days a part. Your wife may take this as an affront to her personally by feeling it's all about you right now and not giving as much concern over her well-being.

  From the amount of years you have stated you and your wife have been married (25 years), I assume you are close in the age bracket of my wife and I. (22 years for us) So I'd like to make a suggestion that worked for me.

  Just tell your wife that you are having issues dealing with some things and you are not in the mindset to be at the meetings.

  If she pushes for more of an answer than that just reaffirm your love for her and tell her that it is nothing that she has done, but you just need time to sort some things out. (And the beauty of all of this is it will all be true. I'm still sorting things out after years of being out when my J.W. world came tumbling down.)

  Remember the ole saying that Rome wasn't built in a day. Try not to rush her too much or she may take it as you're trying to rub her nose in it.

  Just my two cents worth. I wish you well on your journey out of the matrix known as the Watchtower world.
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  watersprout

  "I -- take you -- to be my wedded wife, to love and to cherish in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian husbands, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God's marital arrangement."

  "I -- take you -- to be my wedded husband, to love and to cherish and deeply respect, in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian wives, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God's marital arrangement."

  OMG OMG OMG OMG! I had to say these vows and i never clicked! I wanted to say my own, but it wasn't allowed! I feel sick! OMG i feel like i'm going to vomit! This is awful!

  There is no respect for the wife! OMG I AM SOO MAD! *Head implode*
• 

  moshe

  Tell her you are taking a break from the KH, while you search for the elusive F&DS- just one will do, just one real live F&DS person, that has genuine and verifiable spiritual insight and with whom the GB consults on a regular basis to find out what the latest "meat in due season" is. Have her call up Bethel and locate one for you- and then, you you will go back to the meetings.
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  Mad Sweeney

  Did you guys have a JW wedding? "For better or worse" is NOT in the JW wedding vows. Throw that fact at her and tell her how offended you are that she totally forgot the vows you made to each other.

  • "I -- take you -- to be my wedded wife, to love and to cherish in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian husbands, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God's marital arrangement."
  • "I -- take you -- to be my wedded husband, to love and to cherish and deeply respect, in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian wives, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God's marital arrangement."
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  Mad Sweeney

  Oops, OTWO already made the same point. LoL