Tell her she is not being submissive. She is being brazen by rebelling against the Divine Headship principle.
Now my marriage vow is directly connected to remaining a witness...
by DavinciCodeBreaker 49 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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used2beme
My hubby started his fade a while back and didn't push me...he would make comments from time to time that would make me think even when they made me mad, and when I was leaving for the meetings he would be 'busy working and can't go tonight’ or something of the like. He focused on our family, just the 3 of us, especially when our parents were giving me a hard time about missing meetings...he made time to show how much he cared for us and we started doing family things to replace meetings. It was the best thing for me…I was still not going to ‘leave’ but I was not one to go with the kid and leave him at home, meeting stopped being enjoyable…I got tired of everyone asking where he was and how he was doing, and if there was anything that they could do to help (him) it got old, especially when I was the one there with a toddler by myself…what about how I was doing. It finally was the end for me when an older sister told me I still wasn’t doing enough. If you go a bit slower perhaps she will come to your side in time…I wish you the best.
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sinis
What really helped me to get my wife out, was a gradual fade. We changed KH where we did not know anyone, and I just did not go anymore. She did not want to attend a meeting where she did not know anyone. What might also help you, is can you find a work mate, or "wordly" friend that is married, girlfriend, etc. wherein you could confide to them what is going on and ask for their help? Tell your wife that you were invited to go out to eat this Saturday for instance, and that you are both invited. Tell your friend how JW's operate, what is expected, etc. so as not to offend your wife on the first "date" - make it ENJOYABLE where your wife walks away saying wow, worldy people are not all that bad... Keep doing this and slowly pull her away. Have your friends wife invite her places where they can have fun, call her up, etc. to make your wife feel wanted and needed.
Eventually, when invites are being asked on meeting days, chances are your wife will make the exception and miss the meeting. This is what helped me to get her out.
I would reiterate to your wife that you going to meetings has NOTHING to do with your marriage!! In fact, if you decide to stay home one night, do something SPECIAL for your wife that you know she enjoys, and suprise her when she walks in the door. This will reaffirm that you do love her, strange I know, but women dig this shit.
You have made your voice known, and I would stick to it but do it slowly. Maybe skip one meeting a week for a month or two and then start skipping the other one. Is your wife the kind of person that will not go if you don't? Mine was. Finding her friends outside and doing things she loved to do eventually pulled her away. Good luck!!
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Finally-Free
Did you guys have a JW wedding? "For better or worse" is NOT in the JW wedding vows.
I don't know how it is in other areas, but when I got married there were 2 sets of vows, the one quoted on this thread as well as the standard one you hear anywhere. This wasn't done at our request, and I saw it done the same way at all JW weddings I attended. Maybe it's a local thing.
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ABibleStudent
Hi DavinciCodeBreaker, I am sorry to hear about your wife's reaction to your disclosure of your feelings. You might want to read "Good News to Share...My Wife Said to me..." by onemore ( http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/209445/1/Good-News-to-Share-My-Wife-Said-to-me ). You could also PM onemore for more details about what he successfully did to save his marriage and increase the love between his wife and himself. Depending on how indoctrinated your wife is and how dependant she is on her JW family and friends, will determine the best way to talk with your wife. You should also read a few books to help you communicate authentically with your wife. I would suggest the Bible, "Releasing the Bonds Empowering People to Think for Themselves" by Steve Hassan, “Getting the Love You Want – A Guide for Couples” by Harville Hendrix, and "Crisis of Conscience" by Raymond Franz.
My recommendation is take it very very slowly. You will get frustrated, so focus on the prize of you and your wife in a couple of years enjoying a wonderful vacation together without the WTBTS. Show her and tell her how much you love her, do things with her that she likes, help her to meet and make new friends, and read the Bible and pray together without the WTBTS literature.
Good-luck and I hope you update this thread with your experiences to help others. I hope that it will be ok to link to this thread to the BibleStudent Blog article "What to say to a JW in Cult Mode?" ( http://www.jwsupportforum.com/index.php?article=12416 ) on the JWSF to help other JWs.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
ABibleStudent
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godrulz
Our love for God (not a manmade organization) must be supreme. We are to love our families, yet Jesus said it would be like hate in comparison to our love for God. A true believer (excludes JWs) should not initiate divorce. The Bible does talk about winning over an unbelieving spouse, not divorcing them (which God hates). One must follow God and obey Him above following a spouse who is in a false religion. The WT logic of this wife is skewed. The spouse is free to follow God even if it is not the same religion as the spouse. They should continue to commit to their marriage vows (which would not include remaining in a false religion) and follow God as they believe to be correct.
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DavinciCodeBreaker
Thank you for all your suggestions and observations. To clarify a common question; yes we did have a witness wedding.
This is a very emotionally charged situation. I feel her comments were a "knee jerk" reaction. We exchanged emails tody and she is beginning to see my point of view. She has seen this coming for a while and I think the reality of it is really starting to set in. We have very strong JW family ties on both sides which makes it difficult for me engineer a fade from the organization without family pressure and I think she is trying to sheild me from that inevitability. I will take to heart some of your suggestions such as filling the meeting times with other family activities and associating with some non-believers. (my wife has never been judgemental this way and we have regularly asoociated with friends outside the congregation) We just returned from a great family vacation and the WT on Sunday caught me by surprise. It really upset me and got the better of my emotions.
Thank you again to everyone for your kind and candid words!
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godrulz
Would the WT encourage you to remain married even if you became apostate? How can one shun their spouse? Does this affect sex, etc.? A group that encourages family break up to demonstrate loyalty is a cult, not Christian.
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Nathan Natas
The question is NOT if the phrase "for better or worse" is in JW marriage vows, the question is
WHO did you marry, your wife or the WATCHTOWER BIBLE & TRACT SOCIETY?
I'm going to guess you married your wife.
In that case, remind her that she too made that "for better or worse" vow, and that you have no intention of leaving her.
But BEWARE! The WATCHTOWER has invented a doctrine of "spiritual endangerment" that they use to pry apart those whom God has yoked together. They will try to ruin your marriage. This is not going to be fun for either of you.
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free2beme
Your marriage sounds over, which is my first thought in reading your thread.
I predict continued threads and account from you, describing a slow and painful disconnection from your wife and ultimate end. Which is sad, but a path we see here often. Either way, the marriage vow with Witnesses does not give a excape clause for one leaving the faith. However, if you said something like she could not go to meetings, read the Watchtower, etc. She could seperate from you. No divorce though, unless you sleep with another woman (or man, animal, etc.)