Feeling Lost

by faundy 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  faundy

  Morning, Curtains

  Better day, today... had a long talk with Christine last night. She finds it hard to be with me because of my downers. The thing is, I have never been happy. I know my dad was well thought of on here and I know it's wrong to speak of the dead, etc, but he wasn't the best of fathers and we had a very volatile family life that has left me extremely scarred. Couple that with the pressures of being a Witness and I feel like I have spent 25 years of my life simply existing. I have nothing to show for it and plenty of bad memories, and that's what gets me down.

  I appreciate the comments on here and will possibly take a look at some Buddhist theories. I definitely have a void in my life, and am not sure what needs to fill it. I think it may be spiritual but I also know I have a strong maternal yearning that can't be fulfilled for another couple of years, once Christine has finished her uni course.

  But it's Friday, and summer is coming. Onwards and upwards, and all that...
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  Curtains

  The thing is, I have never been happy. I know my dad was well thought of on here and I know it's wrong to speak of the dead, etc, but he wasn't the best of fathers and we had a very volatile family life that has left me extremely scarred.

  its okay, imo, to speak ill of the dead. If he is alive somewhere he is probably kicking himself for being such an asshole to his family and if he isn't alive somewhere then he ought to be so that he can kick himself. This is how I sometimes think of people who have passed away and who have left a lot of devastation.

  I have nothing to show for it and plenty of bad memories, and that's what gets me down.

  I see a courageous young lady battling through tragedy.

  I definitely have a void in my life, and am not sure what needs to fill it.

  The void in your life is an empty canvas waiting for you.

  I think it may be spiritual but I also know I have a strong maternal yearning that can't be fulfilled for another couple of years, once Christine has finished her uni course.

  Onwards and upwards, and all that...

  yup and sometimes downwards and backwards is part of the journey. Keep moving
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  Lozhasleft

  Hi Faundy... I'm in the UK too and in Mchester... I feel for your emptiness. Can I suggest that you take a look at the book The Four Agreements which I'm finding very inspiring. Its not about worship but it is about the way we think and the way we deal with ourselves and others. I think it has definite value as a spring board to a 'different' way of being. Especially following time in the WTBS. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to meet up anytime for a chat in our local city.

  Loz x