Here is my story: I am just over 40 years old, born-in, Dad was an Elder since he was 18 and went to U.S. federal prison over neutrality, I pioneered out of high school for 1.5 years (too booring, got a trade and went to work), was an MS at 20, Elder at 30. I gave a few talks at CA and SAD's, quite a few JC's. Worked hard at a WTS farm in South Eastern US as a weekend volunteer. Also worked on the platform crew for 18 years at the circuit and district assemblies, so got to see all the behind the scenes action (green-handshakes, jackasses, etc.)
Not to sound immodest, but was a good public speaker and had a lot of out-going talk assignments. During the 90's as an MS conducting the Book Study with the Revelation book I would think to myself 'How does the GB know this stuff applies to them?' for example the 'two witnesses' and other events in the early 1900's. As my 'career' as a public speaker continued I just didn't believe it anymore even as the words were coming out of my mouth and could see the
audience responding to me. My attitude was 'the show must go on.'
The 95 generation adjustment got to me and I made it known. I received some smooth counseling and soldiered on. The last 10 years I noticed the WT study didn't have the same substance as I remember during the 80's. All the JC's and other stress (death of father to cancer, fighting cancer myself (similar form as my Dad), wife fighting health problems during two difficult pregnancies, finally caught up with me. I was ready to do real harm to myself (beyond the heavy drinking just to deal with JC's or give another stupid talk that I did not believe in anymore) sorry to say I could give an absolutely fabulous Service Meeting part or Instruction Talk completely hammered.
I was doing TMS, Book Study Overseer then the new Service Group Overseer, working full time, raising two kids, etc. The stress before meetings was incredible. I knew that I had to start the meeting or do a part later and 'had to get there on time.' I am ashamed to say that I would scream at my family simply trying to get ready to leave for the KH. I knew it was wrong but had absolutely no way to deal with the stress. Also having one child ADHD was difficult.
During an Elder's meeting, we received news of the generation change and there were a few knowing smiles. We knew the GB had to change something. For years I had known this was coming.
Finally I had a melt down at the KH 5 minutes before walking onstage to do Bible Study and then follow up with the Oral Review. I told the COBE that I quit. He did the Bible Study, I managed to get through the Oral Review. Soon the CO visited us and I explained things. I turned in my letter of resignation and was able to 'bow out' without any hassle.
An interesting thing happened when I was on the phone to the CO and COBE about my resignation. After the conversation ended, I sat down at the dinner table with my wife and kids, and FOR THE FIRST TIME really saw my beautiful wife and two wonderful children.... I am extremely fortunate to still have my family and to find some balance now in my life. I am still 'in' but do not put up with any
BS now at all, and everyone knows it.
I now look back at all the elders meetings, changed teachings, legalistic procedures and important communications from the Legal Dept and know that my gut feelings all this time were right on the money.
Burned Out
Another Elder
by burnedout 94 Replies latest jw experiences
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burnedout
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chickpea
welcome aboard....
deep breaths and steady as she goes, mate
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yknot
Glad to have you on board!
Looking forward to your comments!
Hope to see your wife posting in the near future!
Aye the generation that keeps on changing!
Huggles
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Iconoclast
I'm glad your eyes are open. It's refreshing, isn't it, to know that all that guilt the GB lays on you is BS.
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cantleave
Welcome - you are were I was a couple of years back.
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jgnat
Welcome. I predict your wife is going to enjoy the new you.
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Lozhasleft
Hello and welcome. I'm glad to hear you are finding your way to be true to yourself.
Loz x
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Adiva
When you said you sat down and really saw your family, 'the scales' feel from your eyes. You'll never be the same again. And I echo jgnats' comment: your wife is really going enjoy the new you. Your children are going to really benefit from having their dads' undivided attention.
Welcome. The best is yet to come.
Adiva
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No Room For George
Wow, thanks for sharing. I shouldn't be amazed, but it never ceases to fascinate me how similar everyone's story is. Welcome to the forum.
