I walked out of an Elder's Meeting

AlmightyDog

Well here goes… I apologize in advance if this turns into a long and disjointed rant, but I just have to begin typing in order to keep from exploding. I realize that what I’m about to say could seriously jeopardize my anonymity, but I think I’ve reached the point that I just don’t care. I want this to be over.

Let me explain what caused me to rip up a letter and get up and walk out in the middle of an elder’s meeting two weekends ago.

Our BOE has been embroiled in a nasty fight for the past 2 years over a certain brother’s business dealings. His business was featured on the local news as a scam for non-payment of contract workers, and many of these workers were sisters from nearby congregations, so it garnered some amount of notoriety. He was an elder and had many friends on the BOE, so now it is split between those who investigated the matter and know it’s a fraud and those who side with their friend. His FIL is also on the body. The branch was dragged in by the CO, and they immediately instructed the matter to be dropped and not looked into any further (afraid of getting sued, methinks). He was removed due to the notoriety, but insists he did nothing wrong. He is very prideful and is not content to have the matter dropped; he wants the elders who looked into the matter (trying to keep the congo clean) removed.

I was appointed as an elder a little over a year ago, almost a year into this mess, at age 30. Because of this issue, I have never been to a civil elder’s meeting. The division is deep and causes the brothers to speak to each other with contempt. This has caused me to see that the BOE is NOT directed by Holy Spirit, and that realization caused me to give myself permission to begin researching more about the org. So, over the last 6 months or so, I have become convinced that this is not God’s org., and I want out, but it’s extremely difficult due to family in (I posted more of my family story a couple of months ago).

So, with all of this going on, we have an elder’s meeting two Saturday’s ago in preparation for the CO’s visit in June. Things start out as usual, with scriptures read that we remain peaceable and in unity, though everyone knows that won’t happen. About 10 minutes into it, one of the brothers begins handing out letters addressed to each elder that were left on his doorstep that morning. The COBE asked for the letter to be read aloud, but since I am a fast reader, I read to the end long before the reading was done. Basically this brother is claiming that though the matter has been “officially” dropped, the brothers who were out to get him are shunning his family and still looking for ways to harass him. I personally know this not to be true, since my FIL is one of these brothers and the COBE is a kindly older man who just wants this to go away, but this brother won’t be satisfied until he gets his revenge. Anyhow, I knew what kind of shit storm this was going to stir up, so as the letter was read, I quietly packed my things, and when it was finished, I ripped the letter to pieces and walked out the door. I know that I will never attend another elder’s meeting.

I left partly because of the hypocrisy and fighting amongst the local BOE, but more because I just know this is not God’s Org. The funny thing is that the other elders think I was taking a stand for righteousness and many have since told me they wish they could have done what I did. They all feel sorry for me because of being thrown into this situation as a young elder and not having even been involved when it all began. They are all trying to give encouragement to continue serving, but I plan on turning in my KS10 on Sunday.

I know the CO will want to discuss this with me during his visit, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep my feelings to myself, nor am I sure I even want to. I know that expressing my true feelings would get me DF’d and with that I stand to lose my family, but I just can’t continue on the way things are. I am even considering beating them to the punch and DA’ing. I have so much respect for those of you who have already ripped of the band-aid. Thank you all for your encouragement and examples.

And thank you for all who have taken the time to read my venting.

AD

MrMonroe

We can all choose to be true to ourselves or to go on living a lie. It's your life. Live it.

I wasn't an elder, so I know your situation is harder, but once I discovered the concept that this organisation is being divinely guided is a myth, I walked. Who wants to live their life being controlled?

Doubting Bro

Wow Almightydog! I missed a few of your opening posts so a belated welcome. If it helps, these sorts of things are really not that uncommon. My first elder's meeting (I was about the same age you are now) involved a shouting match and got very personal between 2 elders. I almost quit right then but labored on for several years more. The more interaction a person has with the inner workings even on a local basis, I think the clearer it becomes that there is no Holy Spirit directing the WT.

You know, if you want to fade or at least be a bump on a log (like me, I still attend but rarely go in service, never comment, don't even sing or applaude) you have the perfect excuse now. You can say that the BOE has stumbled you and that you're waiting on Jehovah to fix things. Until that time, don't believe you can effectively serve.

Of course, da'ing is always an option but one with severe consequences if you have a wife and family.

Whatever you choose, at least you have a place here to vent! Look forward to hearing more from you.

Edited to add:

I see that you said others on the BOE believe you're resigning because of the situation only. Use that to your advantage if you want to fade. Let them do the talking to the CO for you. That way, you can avoid revealing your true feelings if that's what you want to do.

Magwitch

I am in agreement with Doubting Bro...You have a perfect excuse to be stumbled right out of the "Christian Congregation". Walk away while you have this opening.

LostGeneration

Resign and refuse to meet with the CO. He will just try to twist your arm behind your back to keep you on the body. You have leverage in that this situation has given you an out. You may have to be firm in refusing to meet, but as you say if you cant keep the rest of your feelings inside then this is your best way out!

Good luck!

Juan Viejo2

AlmightyDog - You have a PM

JV

TotallyADD

I feel for you AlmightyDog. I served as a elder for many years. My last congregation I moved into was divided because of a rift between two elders on the body. One of the brothers who was causing problems was a ex-CO. Boy did he know how to lie and cause division among the friends. Because of him and other visits of CO letting him getting away with it I to realized this was not God's organization. Maybe I should thank them all for helping me learn this is a cult. Take a deep breath and take your time in thinking this matter out. Your family and you are more important than any body of elders. That body of elders are just not worth it. Just tell the CO this problem has caused you to have severe health problem due to stress. And thats the truth. Been there, done that. He does not need to know anything else. This will give you time to help your family instead of losing them. Take care I really feel for you. This is what cults are really good at. Totally ADD

Quandry

You are really stuck in a bad situation, and join some other posters here with the same problem of all family and friends being in the organization.

I hope that if you want to fade, you find a way to cope with the pressure. They will grill you from every direction, I'm sure, trying to find out why you aren't "with them" anymore. I hope you find a way to keep your family...they will want to take everything from you if you are found out.

ldrnomo

As an elder myself, I watched elders meetings turn into political stands between elder factions I once watched two elders almost get into a fistfight I was horrified because at the time I too was a young elder. There is no spirit direction in elder bodies it's all a big scam. Glad you realized it while you are young. That way you won't waste anymore time with this cult.

Just fade if you have family still in. You have the perfect excuse. Tell the CO your faith has been thoroughly weakened.

You could also say your thinking about changing congregations. You might also suggest that all of this chaos has caused you great anxiety.

Set up the fade.

flipper

ALMIGHTY DOG- Wow. Just wow. First off I want to commend you for having the courage to stand up on behalf of what's right and just in walking out on the whole crazy affair. Believe me, that took a lot of courage. If you hadn't done that you may have been on blood pressure medicine at too young of an age. I'm sorry it took having to deal with all that injustice to see through the scam of the WT society- but you are not alone. I too was treated unjustly in 2003 and saw the politics and lack of real justice and compassion in a JC meeting myself. So many of us here have experienced it.

In regards to dissassociating yourself - if you have immediate family like a wife, children, or parents who are JW's you want to keep contact with - you might consider just fading away and stopping attending meetings. Otherwise your JW relatives may feel pressured to follow the WT society's advice and shun you totally. And that may put unneeded pressure on your marriage. I have been inactive for over 7 years now and I still associate with my JW parents in their 80's. They respect that I have differences with the organization - so they don't push me on it and I don't bring it up very often, if seldom at all. Just talk about family matters and normal life.

You can still " rip the bandaid " off by being inactive . I have kept some JW family talking to me that way, but I seldom, if ever talk to any former friends who are JW. Point I'm making is some of who you considered GOOD elder friends may shun you whether your DAed or just inactive - however you keep your options open to assist JW family members to exit the Witnesses by just staying inactive as they will still listen to you. But if you DA - they TOTALLY will turn their minds off to you like the WT society tells them to.

So- It's up to you. I'm just presenting the options and what sometimes happens from those options. I wish the very best to you my friend ! And welcome to FREEDOM of mind here on the board ! If you ever want to talk, just PM me, O.K. ? Peace out, Mr. Flipper

I walked out of an Elder's Meeting

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