I walked out of an Elder's Meeting

by AlmightyDog 65 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  zoiks

  We're very close, we are at the end.

  No, we are not. Every passing day over the last 2,000 years has proved that wrong.

  Almighty Dog, I really admire your stand and I feel for you. I was only an MS when I saw behind the curtain, but even then leaving was incredibly hard. The BOE smelled a rat, and the game of cat-and-mouse to avoid being DF'd was exhausting.

  However, fading is the way to go if you want to try to maintain a relationship with family - though there are no guarantees. With DA'ing, it is guaranteed that you will lose most of your friends and family.

  That being said, as long as you are focused on the well-being of your family, they will recognize this and you will be ok in the long run.

  I'm sorry for what you are going through, but there is freedom and life on the other side, and it is good. Try not to lose sight of that.
• 

  Tuesday

  Well I would hate for you to lose your family over something like this, I feel that you can still give the truth and not only walk away unscathed but I'm betting you can walk away from this held in high regard. What you said here is pretty much perfect, just tweak it a bit.

  I know the CO will want to discuss this with me during his visit, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep my feelings to myself, nor am I sure I even want to. I know that expressing my true feelings would get me DF’d and with that I stand to lose my family, but I just can’t continue on the way things are. I am even considering beating them to the punch and DA’ing. I have so much respect for those of you who have already ripped of the band-aid. Thank you all for your encouragement and examples.

  So when the CO pulls you aside and asks why you turned in your resignation, put what you said here.

  I was appointed as an elder a little over a year ago, almost a year into this mess, at age 30. Because of this issue, I have never been to a civil elder’s meeting. The division is deep and causes the brothers to speak to each other with contempt. This has caused me to see that the BOE is NOT directed by Holy Spirit, and that realization caused me to give myself permission to begin researching more about the org. So, over the last 6 months or so, I have become convinced that this is not God’s org., and I want out, but it’s extremely difficult due to family in (I posted more of my family story a couple of months ago).

  Here's what I would tweak though:

  "As you know I was appointed as an elder a little over a year ago, dropped right into the middle of this mess at age 30. Since I've been an elder it's been a warzone in every elder's meeting and I feel like I need to dig a trench just to survive it. Every elder talks to each other with absolute contempt, I'm really struggling with seeing how these men were appointed with holy spirit to lead the congregation when they can't even lead themselves into agreement. I just feel like at this time, until this issue goes away permanently I don't feel comfortable going to elder's meetings and if I'm not attending elder's meetings I don't think that I should be an elder. If the issue is resolved and the elders start acting civilly with one another I would consider becoming an elder again."

  This basically puts the ball in their court, if they say something to the effect of "We'll make sure the matter drops", just tell them "That's been said numerous times and I'd like to believe you but I'm going to have to see it." The CO would understand the situation is very stressful and a newer elder wouldn't want to see something like that anyway, so I'm sure he would be sad that someone was stumbled but would understand why you're stepping down. The rumour mill would run wild for a while but after that dies down, you'll be treated with respect and then maybe you can start a fade.
• 

  mrquik

  Dont' buy into "the end is near" excuse for staying in blatantly man- made organization. The primary quality of the true religion is love. See any here? How about in the doctrinal flip flops that cost many so dearly. Jesus last generation prophesy included the installation of the true religion. This isn't that generation. This isn't that religion. Get out any way which works for you.
• 

  Think About It

  In my old cong a MS one of my best friends straight after the closing prayer went up to PO on the platform and punched him to the floor then gave him a kick for good mesure.my kids were in the front row and thought it was awesome.it took every effort to stop them from DF him.

  That was awesome! The asshole probably deserved it very much. Is the MS guy still in the org?

  I told a story on here once, about almost going to an elder's house and punching his lights out. The events leading up to this are what woke me up and then shortly thereafter resigned as an elder and out completely.

  AlmightyDog......do not tell anybody you no longer believe. You have the perfect situation now. You can fade away and everybody will think it is because of the elders conduct & in-fighting. Welcome to your new life.

  Think About It
• 

  Mad Sweeney

  This has caused me to see that the BOE is NOT directed by Holy Spirit, and that realization caused me to give myself permission to begin researching more about the org.

  Learning the elders weren't directed by Holy Spirit has freed up a lot of minds, I think. It is what allowed me to start researching, too. Have you read Crisis of Conscience yet? The lack of Holy Spirit goes all the way to the top, unfortunately.

  I think you did a great and honorable thing.
• 

  WontLeave

  My first JC, I had been falsely accused of something. Of course, I never found out by whom. I didn't even know what a judicial committee was or what was going on. Suddenly, 3 arrogant, stupid old men were yelling at me and demanding answers to questions out of left field. When I answered them, they'd tell me how they knew I was lying because Holy Spirit was bearing witness to them. I told them I didn't know what spirit they had, but it wasn't holy.

  That incident is actually how I found out about the "Flock" book, when one of them started waving it in my face, bragging about how much authority they had that I didn't even know about, because it was in their secret book. I told them they were nuts and had been misinformed about me, and refused to talk to them anymore. Then, I want home and found the Flock book online and downloaded it.

  Them invoking the Holy Spirit for both their appointment and supposed insight were my first hints that elders are nothing but old douchebags who really want people to believe they're more than they are. On that day, I started realizing nothing in the organization was run by God. It also struck me as blasphemy against the Holy Spirit for them to claim it was causing them to act the way they did. I'd hate to be in their shoes when Jesus asks them about that incident (and doubtless many others like it and worse).

  JWs are their own worst enemies. No "apostate army" could ever wreak as much havoc on the congregations as the losers who get appointed into positions of authority. The rank and file are bad enough with their complete cluelessness; add liberal amounts of arrogance and unchecked authority to get an elder.
• 

  rebel8

  Rip the Band-Aid off fast vs. slowly. It will hurt less in the long run.
• 

  AlmightyDog

  Wow, I'm really honored that so many of you have taken the time to read my story and respond. There are so many great replies here that I can't respond to each of you individually in the short time I have free before my wife comes home.

  Thank you all for sharing your similar experiences and good advice. The more experiences I read, the more I realize that I am not alone, so many have trod this path before me.

  As to the advice to take advantage of the situation and fade, I would if I could. Unfortunately in January of this year I confessed some of my doubts to my wife and she immediately called her parents to come over to "snatch me out of the fire". As I mentioned earlier, my FIL is also an elder on the same body. They believe they have succeeded in bringing me back, but are keeping a hyper-vigilant eye on my "spirituality". A fade is impossible with my current situation, and I just don't think I can continue living a lie. My wife told me back then that she doesn't care if the organization is right or not, she's content to stay and wait on Jehovah because of how much better her mother's life has turned out. She will choose Jehovah over me. I don't want to end an otherwise happy marriage, but conditional love is no love at all. At this point I think I may have a better chance with my children by showing them they don't have to believe in anything just because someone told them they should. I want to be a good father to them and give them the freedom to think for themselves.

  1pnt - Thank you for your concern and for reminding me that the "end is near". I hope you realize that if you are in fact right and this is Jehovah's Org, that old Teddy Jaracz (sp) is looking down on you now as you post on an apostate forum and he's gonna send Jesus to kill your disobedient ass along with all the rest of us. Just something to think about.

  AD
• 

  maryann

  Wow. Thanks for sharing AD. Since I ripped the bandaid off, I haven't regretted one day since.
• 

  AlmightyDog

  By the way, I read Crisis of Conscience two weeks ago and just finished Captives of a Concept today. I have been lurking here for quite a while, and have learned so much that I wasn't sure I would benefit by reading either of these books. There really weren't any revelations in the books that I had not seen here, but Ray's personal experience is so powerful and his manner so kind, that I have to recommend COC as a must read. Captives was much less personal, but I like the logical way in which the facts are presented. Both books are worth the read.

  AD