Reasons "love bombing" ceases

by roxanesophia 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  roxanesophia

  I study with a highly esteemed pioneer & elder's kid and I've learned on here that pioneers are right up there when it comes to gossip, as are elders kids, so I've got a double whammy. Unfortunately i didn't learn that until after I'd trusted her. But i really like her. Call me a moron but i'm totally drawn in by the kindness. Until i came here i wasn't aware it's never genuine. Can a pioneer ever be trusted to keep things confidential? Is it their duty to report things to elders or MS on the progress, conduct, past, etc on "interested ones"? Am i an idiot to believe they know nothing about my business?

  Truth be told, when speaking to MS' (under the impression they were just guys my age who would understand where I'm coming from. WRONG) I've said, without thinking, the things i doubt or don't like. They stood there with fake smiles while explaining it to me, topping it off with "But you're doing so well!" One elder said "I've heard a lot about you" not elaborating on if it was negative or positive. This was our first meeting, i don't know the first thing about him. And maybe I'm imagining it, but the 'love' has cooled off. Dunno if they're annoyed that i had stumbled across the list of topics they can't speak about, or if I'm not progressing fast enough. How long does it take them to mark someone as spiritually weak?
  
  
  I'm considered worthy association to go to watchtower pre-studies in people's houses but that same person, in the same house won't invite me to any other gatherings there. I feel like they're using my need for friends (now that i've said i have cut ties with worldly association) against me because i'm not out witnessing yet. But it makes me feel awful. You think you're getting along with someone,they take your number and you never hear from them. Also, i have made an effort to introduce myself to people at the hall, having 45 minute conversations with them even only to get to the next meeting and it's like we never even met. I'm quite a shy person so it takes a lot out of me to meet people so i can stop feeling anxious going to the hall knowing there's people in there i can talk to, and it sucks when the ice just cannot be broken. Is this typical JW bullshit?

  I also brought up "love bombing" with her, without using that term, but she said "We like new people otherwise it's just people we've known for years and years and grew up with." I dunno if she's lying but she didn't make it sound as bad as I've read it is.
  
  So, for a study initially "love bombed", and hearing "you're doing so well!" left, right and center, what are the typical JW reasons to stop? I thought that was supposed to happen after I'm dunked...
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  Witness My Fury

  The love will cool off if you ask too many awkward questions, show too much intelligence (by asking questions they are supposed to suppress), are not seen to tow (toe?) the line quickly enough etc.

  Basically if you make yourself stand out too much as "different". Difference is the key. It's not liked, usually it's subconscious and not deliberate on the part of the individuals becasue they are under cult mind control and will "obey" the propaganda coming thru the WTS publications especially the WT study articles. So it's kind of drilled into them, and the more "spiritual" a person is the more the control is exerted on them. So yes, the LAST person to trust with private information would be Pioneers, Elders, children of elders. That's a generalisation I know, but a good rule of thumb.

  Stick to your guns and ask questions, especially the hard ones.

  I was born into it, baptised at 16. Been there done that etc. I've done my research these last few years and can sadly confirm it is a CULT based on false chronology and false premise. Do your own research into the WTS history, the changes and your own bible reading and thinking, and dont just take the JWs word for anything, ok.
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  sizemik

  The JW's use terms such as "sheeplike" and "teachable" which, when translated, means you give yourself over entirely to the indoctrination process. Asking questions is fine if you immediately accept the WT explanation. If you're not satisfied immediately you may get one more "correction" in your understanding, but if you persist in not accepting their explanation you're looked upon as having "worldly" tendencies. Your status as "teachable" or "sheeplike" suffers and instead you are treated with caution.

  Most JW's talk at length about interested ones and studies behind their back . . . every little detail and judgement of your status will be well known to more than you probably realise. Traditionally, you are right, the love bombing stops quite abruptly at baptism mainly because time spent with you is counted on their monthly time sheet prior to baptism only. If you're being cautious and asking lot's of questions . . . some more than once . . . then the above will apply. When an Elder says he's heard a lot about you . . . believe him . . . he has . . . more than you think.

  The objective is to get you to baptism as quickly and easily as possible . . . the more you go with that process the more "lovingly" you will be treated. But then, you are being indoctrinated into a cult. How you actually feel about things you are being taught is not important really . . . making you a member is.
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  Alfred

  "But you're doing so well" = what made you become a Satan-influenced trouble-maker all of a sudden?
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  mindseye

  Witness My Fury is right on, all of this is subconscious on the part of the Witness. It's not as if a Witness thinks "Time to lovebomb now" or "They're asking too many questions, time to abort operation lovebomb." No, the training runs so deep that they do this stuff without hardly thinking about it. Their behavior is so ingrained that they subconsciously avoid certain subjects, lines of reasoning and debate.

  ...maybe I'm imagining it, but the 'love' has cooled off. Dunno if they're annoyed that i had stumbled across the list of topics they can't speak about,or if I'm not progressing fast enough.

  Both. That is exactly what is happening.

  How long does it take them to mark someone as spiritually weak?

  When you ask too many questions, don't toe the Watchtower line and show too much 'independent thinking.' If you express too many criticisms, they may say that you're not being 'upbuilding'. If you continue to express doubts they will probably stop studying with you.

  Call me a moron but i'm totally drawn in by the kindness.

  Not moronic at all, it's natural to want to be around kind people and have a social outlet. And rank & file Witnesses are generally kind people (as long as you toe the line). I was born-in but never got baptized, so some still talk to me on a casual level, and are generally kind (as long as we stick to 'how's the weather?'). But if you fully join (i.e. get baptized) the kindness comes with a price: total indoctrination and subordination of your intellectual & spiritual freedom. As you become a Witness, what you read, watch and think is subservient to the Watchtower society.

  If you need social interaction I recommend joining a club, taking classes at the nearest university or some other avenue. Studying with the JWs comes with too high a price, that is if you value your freedom as an individual.
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  roxanesophia

  Thanks guys for the insight into JW logic, it all makes sense (now if only their doctrines could). I suspected what was going on, but just need confirmation and i appreciate what everyone has to say.
  
  Stick to your guns and ask questions, especially the hard ones.
  
  This is exactly my strategy for getting the hell out. I was prepared at one point to stay in this sham for the association and because i am attracted to the morals, can't deny that. But i can't teach lies and i can't be a slave to a false prophet. And I'm sure the "you'll never be good enough" will kill me slowly and then i'm terrified of the fact there's no honorable way to leave in future. It just makes me so sad to know people who have put their entire life on hold, believing nothing else in life is important enough to pursue, believing they are doing the will of God. But i have faith in the prophecy that false prophets and sheep in wolf clothing will be dealt with.
  
  
  they are under cult mind control I honestly think this is already started working on me. I've been in and out of this religion for years and always kept it at arms length. Sporadic meeting attendance and studying. It was never really in my heart to commit to it and the second it was, i learned THE TRUTH. HA! But I'm already using their terms and every time i saw a nice person i assumed they were a JW or should be (sick, i know) and while i once found meetings boring, since i started going regularly, I think i actually like them. I was explaining this to a worldly friend... I said "I can be so convinced i'm not going, then the time rolls around, something snaps in my indoctrinated brain, and i have to be there. I go. I JUST GO!" Scary, eh?
  
  
  
    The JW's use terms such as "sheeplike" and "teachable"
  Don't I know it. I've also heard "You have to have faith that whatever you don't understand, you don't have to." Damn, good way to brush off my doubts, but i'm not that stupid. Also, brothers were calling on my actual brother until they found out he is intellectually disabled, therefore no easy convert. Dropped him like a hot plate.
  
  
  
  Most JW's talk at length about interested ones and studies behind their back. UGH! I try to remember "a celebrity is known to persons he's glad he doesn't know" or something like that to deal with this one. But i figured thats how it worked. Why do they do that? I just found it laughable, when i wasn't pissed off, that elders and MS and other pioneers already knew what i told them in some cases. And god knows what they know that i never told them. Oh well... it's that judgment that is going to make me walk from this religion, so good on them. Well, that, and because it's the whore of babylon.
  
  
  
  "But you're doing so well" = what made you become a Satan-influenced trouble-maker all of a sudden?
  Hahaha. Yeah they're pretty terrible at being subtle. My other favorite phrase he used when i was discussing doubts was "But you've been here, you've seen it for yourself, you know it's the truth, the people on the internet are there to make your life hard." It's so condescending. It's like trying to reason with a starving lion. No, actually, I believed it when i wasn't there.
  
  
  Studying with the JWs comes with too high a price, that is if you value your freedom as an individual.

  That's why i can't keep it up. I feel guilt over letting my study teacher go, but then i think.. NO, it's not as if her time has been wasted. She could use me to count her time and look like a better witness. If anything my time has been wasted.
  
  
  I actually met another study at the KH the other night who thinks it's all crap, too. What a blessing that was. I had been praying to JESUS, that i was doing this for the association and i knew that was bad. Bam. I go to the hall, and i think i've met my new best friend. We plan to exit together. I'd rather have one friend who knows I'm a good person than 20 friends who only know i'm a good person if i'm living up to the orgs standards.

  And then i realize i don't even want friends who blindly follow teachings with no research on their own part. I do feel bad for the born ins though. I thought i had it hard but when i thought about it If i leave the cult, i've got the world to go back to, and my family will make me a cake. Born in leaves the cult, they're in a world that never knew them, and they're cut off from entire congregations of 'family.'
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  designs

  At least you are considered 'Worthy Association'....
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  IsaacJ22

  My experiences were similar to yours in many ways. I started studying right about the time I turned 18, and studied for at least a couple years before I became baptized. I had a lot of people who felt entitled to run my life for me because my parents weren't JWs. They seemed to get annoyed that I wasn't making progress fast enough, though I was a teenager doing what he thought was right in the face of his family's disapproval.

  Finally, when I got baptized, the kid gloves came off and people loss all sense of playing nice. Mostly, I was greeted with irritation and impatience when I spoke to others. Elders all but rolled their eyes at me. I felt constantly judged. I became depressed. I had few friends and started to wonder what had gone wrong with my life. Eventually, it hit me: who says the WTS is the true religion? The WTS. But so what. Maybe they're wrong. If they could be wrong, then why am I hanging on to the source of my misery for?

  When I stopped going to meetings, people crawled out of the woodwork to bring me back in. They genuinely harassed me for the first couple of years. It was nuts. People I didn't even know were leaving messages on my answering machine night after night.

  Still, as others have said, I don't think any of this was planned. Some genius probably made an announcement at the meetings asking everyone to come check on me. The worst of the Witnesses didn't know where to draw the line and resorted to childish insults and a total disregard for my need to think about the WTS. They did everything wrong.

  If they hadn't, I might still be blood card carrying Witness to this day. So it all worked out. What else can I say?
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  ABibleStudent

  Hi roxanesophia, I believe that in your 2nd post you answered your concerns from your 1st post. Congratulations you have a free mind and you may have found a good friend when you exit together. Also, when you leave you can always let the born-ins know that you feel unconditional love for them instead of con-Love.

  roxanesophia - I also brought up "love bombing" with her, without using that term, but she said "We like new people otherwise it's just people we've known for years and years and grew up with." I dunno if she's lying but she didn't make it sound as bad as I've read it is.

  roxanesophia - And then i realize i don't even want friends who blindly follow teachings with no research on their own part. I do feel bad for the born ins though. I thought i had it hard but when i thought about it If i leave the cult, i've got the world to go back to, and my family will make me a cake. Born in leaves the cult, they're in a world that never knew them, and they're cut off from entire congregations of 'family.'

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  ABibleStudent
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  Violia

  I've been there on this one and know that if anyone starts asking too many questions, at least after 1975, they were probably influenced by apostates or demons,. Didn't matter, they think they are the same. Before that time, in the 50-mid 70 -you could speculate as much as you wanted. I have heard so loud speculating which included pounding of fists on table to make a point. Old timers loved to do this. It is not welcome now.

  BTW, baptized early teens and had the experience of folks other than parents helping me. ( parents weak jws)