Hmmm where do I start? Well, I have been lurking on here for about 6 months. I was raised around the witnesses all my life. My mom and Dad were witnesses but they were both disfellowshipped in the 80's back in NY. We moved from New York to Delaware when I was a kid in the 80's. My childhood was fairly normal. My mother never put up a tree, but she did get us gifts right before winter break was over in January and we had to go back to school. When I was in Middle school I started studying with one of my family members that moved down from NY. Many of my witness family members moved from NY to DE after we did. I stuck with it for awhile, went to meetings and assemblies up in Turnersville NJ for a few years, but eventually I started to date girls in HS and started hanging around with the so called thugs and started smoking weed and doing dumb stuff. I was never really a bad kid, i just wanted to fit in. Eventually I started studying again and started hanging around kids at the hall. By this time i was about to graduate HS and I'm kinda glad I started studying again because many of my old friends from HS are in jail or not doing anything in life with 4 kids by 3 different baby mothers. I stuck with it again for awhile but moved to a different territory and started dating a worldly girl. I loved her to death, I met her about 2003 she was a pastors daughter and we were together for about 3 years, come to find out she was cheating on me with more than one guy. I was shattered and thought to myself that a witness girl would never do that to me. I thought maybe I should start studying again and get baptised, these worldly people are not loyal. Been studying since like 2006, Even tho I had several slip ups with women, I was convinced this was the truth. One day I told my study conductor that I looked up something from WT.org and he told me to be careful because apostates sites are all over the net. I thought to myself that if apostates are liars and we have the truth whats there to be afraid of? I googled and found some stuff that shook me to my core. I found the Malawi Mexico thing and was extremely shocked. But I thought to myself that maybe it's just imperfection, maybe the witnesses in Malawi weren't faithful. I reasoned to myself that the Israelites weren't perfect but they were still gods people,maybe the GB made a mistake like David or Soloman did but it was alwasy there in my mind. I buried my doubts deep and tried to reason them away. The more I thought about it the more I realized that unlike others, it really was more of the small not the big things that started bothering me. Like my grandmother years ago asked me want I wanted from the Chinese joint to eat and when I picked Buddists delight she looked at me like I was crazy and told me no. Or when I was studying one time with an elder and he said that when Armageddon came he wouldn't shed a tear for his kids cuz they wanted nothing to do with the truth. I was thinking to myself wooooooooooooowwww..... Or about 8 months ago there was a public talk being given about obedience. The speaker spoke about experiences back in the early 80's about a bethel speaker calling Star Wars God dishonoring at an assembly and how many people were upset because they really wanted to go to the movies and see Star Wars. I thought to myself Star Wars??? God dishonoring??? Is the force a false religion now? Or the answer I got when I asked why I had to shave my goatee. I was told that it was because we wnat to look clean cut and different from the world....I secretly thought that was ridiculous because there are clean shaven murderers out there, but I buried those feelings deep inside of me. All my friends are witnesses, I cut off all my old friends, Even my best friend of 15 years. He had his flaws but he was a good friend even though he was like a real life Smokey from Friday lol looks and acts like him lol tries to sell weed everytime he loses his job but always smokes more than he sells and always talks about some big booty seen at some club lol. I really feel lost and I am really starting to feel the pressure to get baptised coming from all angles. Just last week at a baby shower I went to, my cousin asked me if I was a publisher yet and when I said not yet but I'm on the school though, my uncle was sitting there shaking his head like tsk tsk tsk. I was started to call him a self rightous mfer but bit my tongue. On the one hand I'm starting to see issues that I'm having a hard time ignoring about the organization and on the other hand I keep asking myself what if it really is the truth? If its not what is? What if Armageddon comes and the last thought that goes through my head is damn....you blew it, you could've got to see dad again.... Just me rambling about my thoughts don't mind me.
Another newguy here
by shakyground 23 Replies latest jw friends
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moshe
Welcome S-G. Check out the "best of" topics section here- I have a feeling in another week or two you will be able to make some decisions about the JWs. Good Luck- and yes, it's OK to use that term.
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Heaven
Welcome shakyground! I was told I wouldn't go to high school, I wouldn't need a career, and I would never grow old. I will be 48 this year. None of the things I was told have panned out. With this kind of failure rate, how can anyone take what they say as 'truth'?
All of my relatives born on or before 1914 have died. Every single one of them. Armageddon is not coming. And Waiting On Jehovah gets you absolutely no where.
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Ding
Welcome to JWN!
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ABibleStudent
Welcome shakyground. Delay getting baptised as long as you can, start making friends with "Worldly" people who are either happy and successful or going to college, and independently reasearch the WTBTS. In my opinion, for people to be successful they must be able to balance how life's challanges affects them emotionally, intellectually, physically, spiritually, and financially. If you would like to learn more about the WTBTS, you can read "Crisis of Conscience" by Raymond Franz, visit www.jwfacts.com and www.watchtowerdocuments.com, and read Steve Hassan's books about mind control. I would also recommend that you attend college or a technical school. The more options that you have the better choices that you will make for your future. If a JW asks why you want to become more successful, tell them, "No one can predict when Jesus Christ will return, so you want to have a fun and balanced life until he returns."
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
ABibleStudent
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manthedan
Welcome Shakyground. Your experiences remind me a lot of what I went through. It was a confusing, scary time for me when I realized that the "truth" was not the Truth. I constantly feared that Armageddon would be here very soon and that I would die a scary death from the hands of Jehovah. Once your eyes are open completely, you'll see how silly it all is. Embrace the "world" and embrace life or it will pass you by. Surround yourself with positive people good people and things will go smooth.
…..Weed isn’t that bad, it helped my mind think spiritually and much deeper after I left the Org. Like all things, never overly abuse. That’s just my own opinion.
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Sayswho
I thought to myself that if apostates are liars and we have the truth whats there to be afraid of?
Exactly!!!
Welcome
Sw
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Retrovirus
Welcome!
As a non-jw all I'll add is that we cannot find peace and security in an organisation, each of us needs to follow our own path. Even the wt agrees- at least until the path leads away from the org!
Best wishes, and keep researching.
Retro
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garyneal
Everytime I read stories like this I think of some of the things my wife tells me when she is 'living in the world' and not 'serving Jehovah.'
Welcome.
You are on your way out, hopefully.
I remember being amongst the IFB church thinking that I had to hold out a little more and God will reward me. I did not start getting any rewards until I started taking matters in my own hands. Watching Jack Van Impe presents during that period also had me thinking that the tribulation might happen before Y2K. I figured, if I was going to die, then oh well.
I found out later that not all Christians think like that, but it was a bit easier for me to find balance. My parents never took us to church growing up so I was not bombarded with it at home. That helps.
Good luck.
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