I need support please (page 2)

flipper

AWSNAP- I know I'm just a " guy " but considering you've had several " female " observations - I'll give you a guys perspective as one who USED to be a guy in the JW cult. Your sister is probably somewhat controlled by her husband, your brother in law due to his " reaching out " for positions in the organization. If he's like a good number of JW men - most of them dominate their wives by coercing their JW wives to do what tHEY want to do and it usually always takes priority over their wives wishes. So it may be that in order to keep the peace with her hubby- your sister gave in to his whims of going on the trip. I was never this way with my JW Ex-wife - but I knew a lot of JW guys who were.

The fact your sister made you a beautiful quilt shows her deep affection for you , so try not to take it too personally. I have a feeling your sister is dominated by a controlling JW husband. She has pressures too to deal with. And if he's a douchebag like you said, he probably keeps her so busy babying him and picking up after him - she has no time for anything else ! Which is HIS fault, not hers. Your sister is mind controlled to keep HIS wishes first and to put hers in a backseat somewhere. And we can blame the WT society for controlling your sister. I have JW siblings like that in which I rarely EVER hear from. I just chalk it up to the JW cult keeping them so busy, they have NO TIME for normal human family relationships. It's sad , I don't like it, but they are manipulated by the WT thinking. Not much I can do about it. Just rise above it and be a better person. My motto anyway. Take care, good luck on your upcoming baby ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

AwSnap

It is going to break my heart if communication/NONcommunication keeps going on like this. It is my opinion that
this is totally your choice. If so, I have to respect that. But its driving me crazy.

I dropped by Mom's yesterday because I needed to borrow some of her foam for our couch. I was pleasantly surprised that ______ was there and that she remembers me. I also happened to have my camera in my purse, so I snapped a shot but then felt guilty & hoped you wouldn't be angry or upset that I took our picture together.

And I am totally assuming, since I haven't spoken to Dad after the fact...but I gave him some maternity pictures to give to you and I am assuming he gave them to you. It was SO disappointing that I did not hear a word about them from you. I am also disappointed that you have not been there for me, except for in a "professional"-type way during this pregnancy. I know that you care...but it feels otherwise many times.

I just don't know what you want or expect (or what you DON'T want). Are you hoping to treat me like the way you treat our "worldly" relatives? Like in a professional manner? Do you tell people that you have a sister who is not in 'The Truth'? Or that you have an apostate sister? I feel frustrated. And I don't understand why we can't have a sisterly relationship. You don't agree with some things that I choose to do in my life, and visa versa. But that doesn't keep other jw's from associating with me. My head doesn't spin around and I don't host devil parties.

I love you. Please email when you get the chance.

This is an email that I sent her about a week ago...still haven't heard back. I kind of regret sending it...but I don't think I put anything too crazy there. I appreciate what you all have said. I think her husband has a LOT to do with why she won't associate with me. Its just so frustrating.

I wouldn't have the first clue as to how to create & sew a quilt. She's pretty crafty, but I heard it took her a very long time to get it done for me & the baby. You all are right....she made it with love, and I shouldn't return it. I guess I just needed to vent for a minute. Thanks

mamalove

One week! Wow, so amazing, and yes you are glowing, love seeing your baby bump pics on FB!

I totally feel for you, as I have an estranged sister too. Herein lies the problem. You are hoping that she will have a non JW outlook on your relationship. She can't! She is deep under the control of the org and the culture. I do think her heart is breaking that she can't be there, hence whe she took the effort to make the quilt. I would bet money her husband is a big influence in keeping the wedge between you.

Afterall, you are bringing a baby into the world and it has a death sentence because of your non JW conforming views. I mean that is how they view it!! Absurd!

I don't think YOU will ever change HER. SHE has to have something in her life change her own views...I have also sent emails like that to my sister, and gotten no response. I have tried to tell her about my grandpa having a stroke, and she had no response other than, thank you for letting me know. Completely cold hearted.

What blows my mind is that JW's dont view family as anything more special than their congregation members. So what do you have to lose? If I were you, as hard as it may seem, I would probably toss the importance of family right back in her face. Choose your words wisely, make sure you do it in a non confrontational way. Perhaps not even directly to her. Is she on your Facebook? If so, put up posts about how much family means, and other things when you put up pics of the baby if you are going to do that. Or if you send pics or cards, make sure you emphasize family love, and see if that triggers anything in her. She does no doubt love you and the baby, so hopefully it eventually comes out.

How long has it been since you distanced yourself from the JWs?

Call me anytime if you wanna chat about baby stuff or whatever! Hang in there, luv ya!

ABibleStudent

Hi AwSnap, I am sorry to hear about you being shunned by your sister. Just because she is shunning you doesn't mean that she doesn't care. Since you were a JW, I am sure that you can see her perspective. If your sister has an email account, can you send images to your sister and short loving notes about what you are feeling. As long as your sister doesn't respond negatively to your emails, I am sure that she would appreciate the communication. Good-luck with your child's birth and growing together as a family.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

ABibleStudent

maninthemiddle

I think you have recieved some wonderful advice above and I agree that the time she had to spend on the quilt says a lot. Just keep sending her pictures, they have a much greater impact than words, and feel free to vent here, say what you want to say, blow off some steam, then go back and be nice to your family. Win them with love, so to speak. I think that we have to show unconditional love if we want to receive it.

Looking forward to those baby pictures.

Think About It

Hi Awsnap......you are one of my ole favorites on here. I'm not here as much anymore, but good to hear from you. Hang in there and hope everything goes well with the new baby.

Think About It

GLTirebiter

AwSnap, congratulations to you, mother-to-be!

It's strange that that the mother-to-be has to be the sane one in this drama. But when dealing with a high-control group, "strange" behavior is nothing unusual.

Like other posters, I suspect your sister is doing what she can despite being the up-and-coming MS's wife. Even making the quilt was an act of defiance for her, not to mention that making it took many hours of painstaking work (my Ex is a quilter, so I appreciate the work involved for even an infant-size quilt). Keep it, so your child can grow up knowing that Aunty does care, even if she's not allowed to show it as much as others do. Also, it reinforces your sister's real-self personality, instead of the group-imposed personality that denies normal family affection to outsiders and expects a bad response from you, confirming their "apostate" stereotype.

For your child's sake, try to appreciate the good your sister did and try to forgive the wrongs. Let the events bring out the best from you, rather than a pay-back. Think of it as practice for those many "good example" moments that come with parenthood!

palmtree67

I hope when she sees that beautiful little baby, it makes her re-think her position. Sometimes, it takes the actual reality staring them in the face, before they really comprehend the damage they are doing and what they are missing out on.

((( Biggest Hugs )))

Mickey mouse

Congratulations on your imminent arrival.

I second what troubled mind and nugget said, your hormones go crazy after the baby is born so be prepared for the rollercoaster. You may find your anger towards your sister surges again; try not to act out on anything which is fuelled by hormones. Enjoy your new baby, it's a unique and often challenging time. x

clarity

You can buy a quilt without much thought at all .....

but you can't plan the colours and patterns and piece together a quilt without a whole lot of thought and love!

c

I need support please

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