AwSnap
Please don't let the @$$holey-ness you are receiving from your relatives take away from the joy and excitement of your baby's impending arrival.
Yes, you could use their support at this time.
Yes, you want to share your excitement with them.
Yes, you want them to welcome you and your baby and baby-daddy with arms wide open.
You've done your part - you've tried to include them - you've vocalized your desire to have your sister be a source of support for you as you transition to motherhood. As much as it pains all of us and causes our hearts to break for you, they have answered. They have begged off and put their allegiance to JWs ahead of their blood relationship with you, your husband and your child.
A baby quilt *is* indeed a lovely gift, but it not a substitute for the relationship you want with your sister. It is not a substitute for love, even though it was clearly made with love. It can't replace the phone conversations you would love to have with your sister every day, or being able to hug her, or pour your heart out to her and have her listen to you and console you and tell you everything will be all right. On some level, I bet it feels like a knife in the heart to have to look at that quilt, knowing that she'd rather give you a token of her love rather than lovingly be in your family's life.
It's time to focus on you and your baby. At the hospital, ask your postpartum nurses for information about community groups for new parents and try to connect with other new mothers in your neighbourhood. That will give you some much needed social support (and you can do the same for them) at your most vulnerable time in new motherhood.
Years ago, I had a patient who never had any visitors when her new baby was born - it turned out she was DFd. I don't normally talk about being an exJW with patients, but I saw such pain in her eyes, knowing that her baby's grandparents wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, that I told her that I was an exJW too, and understood the pain and loneliness of being shunned by family members at these pivotal times in life. We talked a lot during the two days she was under my care, and by the time she was ready to go home, she threw her arms around me and thanked me for being there for her when nobody else was.
I've had other exJW patients since then, all with similar stories of abandonment in their time of need, as they were bringing a child into the world. They all have the same hurt and anguish. And their worst fears are that nobody understands what they are going through, and that they can't talk about it.
Please, if you need to, talk to us. We are here for you, even if we're miles apart, and even if we never meet face-to-face, we are here for you.
Love, Scully
