True Friendship Only Found In the Organization?

by What Now? 48 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  undercover

  When you grow up in it, you think you have true friends. I did anyway. But it is conditional friendship. Conditional that you remain active in the "truth".

  They're not really friends. They're co-workers. We were all marketing reps for the WT publishing company. We had to work along side these people day in and day out, so therefore you strike up some friendships, but by and large they're not real close friends. Acquaintances that you like maybe.

  When you leave a job, how many of those co-workers do you keep up with? A couple maybe. Those were friends. The rest? Co-workers. Acquaintances.

  Same with the JWs. Leave a congregation even. How many of the people in the old cong. do you really keep up with? A couple maybe.

  Now... leave the religion altogether. How many keep up with you? You're lucky if it's a couple. Even if you try to keep up with them, they'll cut you off. They weren't friends. They were co-workers who put the company rules in front of friendship.
• 

  FirstLastName

  True friendship does not exist for a JW. It is completely conditional on the basis that you are a "good" JW and then you can fit in with the group. If you deviate in any way - your "true friends" will abandon you.

  I do not have a single remaining JW friend. And I would say that those old friendships were based on lies I created to make me looking like a good JW anyway. What kind of basis is that ? But I have "worldy" friends, who know the TRUE me - and are better than any fake JW I ever knew.

  Sorry to ask, what I am sure has been covered - what is RW?
• 

  undercover

  what is RW?

  Really Wicked... no.. um, Really Wasted... no that's not it... oh yeah Real World
• 

  talesin

  FLN

  Sorry, I made it up (or someone else may have used it before, dunno) --- Real World.

  t
• 

  talesin

  lol @ UC !

  hahaha, I'm too 'serious' for my own good!

  t
• 

  undercover

  It could be Ronnie's Witnessess... the new cult on the block.
• 

  WontLeave

  Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. - 1Cor 13:4-8

  If YOU were part of the world, the world would be fond of what is its own. Now because YOU are no part of the world, but I have chosen YOU out of the world, on this account the world hates YOU. - John 15:19

  Which more closely matches Kingdom Hall "friends"?
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Definition of insanity - doing the same over and over again, and expecting a different result.

  Hi What Now?, you and your husband seem like very socialable people. Good friendships are more valuable than gold and diamonds, and can be harder to find. I am not going to write that people in the real world will not disappoint you, but I can write that Worldly people will not shun you because some else says to shun you because you were Df'ed. If you are disappointed with friendships that you have tried to make in the KH, why not try to make non-JW friends with similiar interests? What do you like to do besides read WTBTS literature: study the Bible (local churches usually have bible study groups), read classical literature, dance, play games, volunteer, cook? Attend functions that you will enjoy participating in and may be you will meet new friends there.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  ABibleStudent
• 

  applehippie

  I thought about what I posted earlier and realized it didn't quite come out right. I'm not getting involved at church just because they're friendlier. Mmm... more like it's been about two years of keeping my distance, listening to the various services, hearing a lot of really good biblical stuff and realizing that while I had heard most of it before at meetings, something is different.

  My problems with my husband kept me on the fringes for a long time. I sometimes thought I had a connection with other moms, but that turned out to be for the sake of playtime for kids. Then when it became apparent that my oldest daughter had some ADHD and social differences, she started having a hard time making friends. The last congregation we were in had a couple families that would actually invite my youngest but not her sister. They thought she was bad influence (?) and didn't want her around their kids. I tried really hard but then gave up after my husband DA. I'd been through DF before with him and really, the whole family ends up being pushed to the edges. I couldn't go through it again.

  When we moved away, no one called me. Sometimes I see people and they wave but no real conversation, so it's been altogether too easy to just fade out. My husband went to church by himself for a year before I consented to "visit" with him. They never pressured any of us, just welcomed with open arms. I get kind of emotional sometimes when I am getting the kind of love and support that all christians should be showing for each other and I thought was only in the kingdom Hall. Yes, I've known some really great brother and sisters- I wish I had been better at it.

  Live and learn.
• 

  BluesBrother

  I know what you mean What Now?, especially the "old hall, new hall" thing. J W association is very much geared to what they are presently doing, preparing the next student talk with a 'householder' going out in the Ministry, all that...Once you move away then the attention shifts to somebody else and you are out of sight and out of mind.

  They are so busy doing their stuff that their "friends" are the people they do it with. I have found that to be the case with close relatives too. They are closer to their regular congregation than 'blood on blood'

  Is true friendship to be found within the organization ? Only in the pages of the WT experiences....The reality is very different and now that they have abandoned the Group Study Meetings it will be even harder for them to get to know each other.