Wow, you are so brave. I must assure you that it does indeed get easier over time. Really, you have to allow yourself the time to mourn and heal and live. Time.
I definitely reccommend getting involved in activities that you find fulfilling. Surround yourself with supportive people and try to put your mind on the benefits and positives you're experiencing now. It sounds like you have a wonderful girlfriend who wants to help you heal and live a happy life. You're in school creating a better future for yourself. The meaningful relationships you form now will not be destroyed by a superstitious cult. These are positive things. Great things you would never experience inside that organization. As much as it hurts now, leaving that band of fanatics has set the foundation for you to live. To not hide anymore but to be able to express yourself as you really are. The way is open for you to find out who you are if you haven't yet =) And you don't owe any of those elders an explanation. In reality, they are a bunch of folks poking their noses into business that is not their own. Those men don't need to know about how you live and who you love. They have their own families and the ''Watchtower's" appointing of them is a fraudulent claim to any authority over you.
I would also reccommend reading. Get your hands on books and read! Books on science, philosophy, expos és of Jehovah's Witnesses, other religions and cultures, anything! I've been reading since leaving and having knowledge not tainted by the Jehovah's Witness lens, via their literature, makes the world an easier place to make sense of. I've learned what evolution really is, not just what the Jehovah's Witnesses say it is. I've learned about other religions according to people who follow those religions, not just what Jehovah's Witnesses say those religions are. I've learned what can really happen to the earth, not just what Jehova..you see where I'm going with this. After years of being a Jehovah's Witness, we've built up a way of looking at the world and the people around us. We have prejudices and misconceptions we are not even aware of. Fears and silly ideas that have been lodged into our minds after reading that literature, those words, over and over again. Reading has helped me to shake those loose, question them and get rid of them. Freeing my mind and thinking ability has helped me free my heart.
It's only been a year for me since leaving that religion. But when I left I was personally determined to live happily. I felt that if I left and spent too much time weeping over what I left behind then I will have let them win. They would be able to tell other young people trapped in that religion that I was experiencing ''godly sadness'' and be able to point at me and say, ''look at how unhappy you will be if you leave God". That religion controlled my past, my youth, I will not let it reach it's hand into my future.
Not that my own determination should be your own. All ex- Jehovah's Witnesses have many reasons to mourn and hurt but I think it should make way for healing and rebuilding. We've given up our freedoms for far too long to that religon. The freedom to express yourself in actions, in words, in love without restriction is too great an opportunity to miss out on now that we're free. I hope you being free makes you smile through the hurt.
