~Moving forward..searching for a good therapist~

freeflyingfaerie

Alright, that's it! After writing this, I am on a serious search for a good therapist~

I've been coming here on and off for a little over a year now(wish I had found it sooner) ...for validation and clarity in my feelings about how hurtful the religion is...so I don't feel so alone about it, and so I don't feel like I am losing my mind~

Reading others' experiences has helped tremendously! I love you all!

I started leaving the religion in my heart around three years ago(this after a lifetime in). It took about six months for me to completely wake up and walk out. January 2009 I went to my very last meeting. I was still freshly coming out of the fog, family and friends were hounding me, I didn't want to be a hypocrite, so I still met withe the elders, and let the public flogging begin.

Leaving was like jumping off a cliff and not knowing where you will land. All I knew is that I had to do it, I couldn't live a lie. I just had to walk out of there...and keep walking...

And that's what I've done these past few years. It has been quite an experience.

To help me understand it all and to heal, I have been reading. Combatting Cult Mind Control is priceless. Steven Hassan doesn't know it, but he was my therapist as I read that. Crisis of Conscience was eye-opening. I have read some other wonderful books about self-help, empowerment, and to satisfy my need for some connectedness, books about spirituality. I take from these what feels right. I feel like I've come a long way.

I do yoga and take care of my body~

My dance has been a form of therapy~

Writing helps to get out some of what needs to come out~

Being a mother to my beautiful daughters..thinking of what they need makes me find the strength to keep finding the positive and seize the day~

I've searched the 'meetup' site, and there are no groups for ex-jw's in the area..and I havent felt up to starting one.

Sometimes I will talk to people about the pain of leaving the religion, but I think it's too much for people and I dont want to be to heavy for them..so that is limited

I need help. I need a real person with me to work through some of the hurt and frustration I still have. I also need to talk about the divorce...and how even though I found the strength to leave an abusive(on different levels) 'man' ...even though I took action and left, I still feel a huge loss for myself and my daughters. It is not an easy thing to raise two little ones alone, while still healing from loss of all family and long-time friends. I am by no means desperate, but people do need moral support in life...everyone does. I am creating a new life for myself and my daughters. And I need to take this next step of therapy for the sake of our well-being~

I got myself this far, but I want to keep purging out the ache, the pain...until it doesn't hurt quite so bad. There are times when I feel so recovered, so clear and so strong. Then sometimes I feel so emotionally vulnerable, and angry and powerless because I can't single-handedly just bring down the dosh-garn religion once and for all....(especially after speaking with JW family...which I may just stop doing altogther because of the effect it has on me)

Someone needs to hear all this. Someone besides myself. A therapist sounds like just the right person.

I feel better already~

TotallyADD

Good luck in your moving forward. Even though I am a guy I went to a therapist for about a year and a half. It really help me alot. I read a book many years ago before going into therapy go to one of the 10 steps programs first. This gets you into a mind set for more intensive therapy latter on. I wish I would have done that first. Also it is always good to have a close confidant to us as a sounding board when in therapy. Talking about your problems always make you feel better. I hope this will help you out a little and again good luck in your endeavors. Totally ADD

doofdaddy

From what you have written, I believe you are incredibly brave and honest. It seems you already have the answers but just need time and space to vent, where you won't be judged. This site was valuable for me esp as I didn't realise that I had hidden emotions around my experience with the jws. When I exited, I moved on fast. Much was unresolved. I personally didn't lean toward therapy as few would understand the cult. I reckon you need to meetup with other exjws..

moshe

Going to therapy is a new invention for humans. In the old days man had to work 18 hours a day just to survive and keep his tribe intact.

freeflyingfaerie

Thanks TotallyADD and doofdaddy~

moshe~ I don't quite understand your post. Are you implying that therapy is a luxury?

truthseekeriam

I think your doing the right thing freeflyingfaerie I found this site on a google search that may be helpful..http://www.freeminds.org/psychology/cults/therapists-who-work-with-watchtower-and-other-cult-related-issues.html

Many of us who have left for many different reasons have found the need to talk through our experiences with someone who is removed from the situation. I hope you find what you need to move forward and be the best mother you can be to your precious children.

freeflyingfaerie

truthseekeriam~ thanks! I'll check search out. I made a few phonecalles today and I am given several sessions free covered by my work. I will ask the therapist if she can help me find anyone in the area who has experience with cults. I'm not expecting anything, really. I want to see, though. I just want to talk and get more out, and by someone who gets it. It's possible that I won't get much out of it, and end up right back here and have to share my story in detail, blood, and gore and all. Hopefully for everyone here, there will be a great therapist to hear me out.

truthseekeriam

My daughter and son both benefited from therapy and I know it helps just to talk it out without worrying about hurting anyones feeling, so if you feel the need to it..do

moshe

moshe~ I don't quite understand your post. Are you implying that therapy is a luxury?

I'm sorry- sometimes I can be cryptic in my answers. When it comes to survival, the human brain has that as the number #1 priority- relationship worries don't even register.So the busier you are the less time the mind has to foucus on a troubling feelings.

My grown son has decided I am somehow responsible for his failures in life over the last 10 years and he has tried to manipulate his mistakes into being my fault. When I refused to play his game, he decided to punish us, by cutting off communication. It does upset me, but I don't need therapy for it, as I know better, so I keep busy and focus on my wife and adopted daughter and our family. Maybe my son will listen to what the therapists said in rehab and AAA. The issue for my son, is his constant looking back to mistakes that he thinks others made, which could have made his future life better, if they had rolled the dice better- like the lottery ticket I should have purchased 20 years ago, but didn't.

You have left the JWs, close that chapter and start over, just like physically moving to a new city. Live in the present, not the past. Good luck. Maybe my mind works different that others, but when a relationship/friendship (like those at the KH) is over, it is over and I move on. There is a wonderful life to be found just around the corner, but you have to be looking forward, not backwards, to see it. Good luck.

freeflyingfaerie

Thank you, moshe, for that.

That's wonderful that you still have your wife, daughter, family. Not to say poor me, but that is the very something that I don't have anymore and feel a void. But I don't doubt my decisions to have left the controlling people in my life at all. You're right, looking forward is how I've come this far, and there are many things I am very grateful for, and some great experiences and a new life that is in some ways much better than I even imagined( actually, I don't know what I really imagined...just freedom and letting good things happen to me). That is mostly what I try to focus on. And I like to remember the good times, there were some good times, in my past...even as I have said goodbye to it.

This feels like a good place to vent and express, and to feel understood...but I have yet to really express much here. Maybe that time is coming.

~Moving forward..searching for a good therapist~

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