Are Witnesses encouraged to talk about their non-JW mates?

by Nickolas 41 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Nickolas

  My wife and I don't discuss the Watchtower too much. Not because I don't want to but because she doesn't want to. I'm atheist, and she knows there's nothing she can say to change that. Besides, she knows I've been doing a great deal of research into the Society and could decimate any argument she could put forward that the WTBTS is what it says it is, so she doesn't want to go there at all. But a minor event has me wondering about how much she discusses our philosophical disconnect with the elders at the hall. We were paid an unannounced visit by one of them many months back. This guy's pleasant enough but not someone I would hang around with, even if he wasn't a Jehovah's Witness. We have nothing in common. Anyway, he shows up and decides he wants to walk around my backyard with me. My wife meanwhile is looking uncomfortable and, being the poker player I am, I can't help but wonder why. He starts asking questions - nothing to do with spirituality, just questions about secular stuff, like - "I see you built a garden shed. Did you get a building permit?" My silent reaction was "WTF? Are you some kind of bylaws enforcement officer?" but I simply informed him that the city doesn't require one when the footprint of the building is less than 100 square feet, etc. There were other questions of this nature, like he was trying to catch me up on something, and when my voice took on an edge to it he muttered something about me being "blessed" for having so much talent and resources to do the things I do, yadda yadda and that was the last time I saw him. He called awhile back to invite my wife and me to a social gathering but I declined. Being surrounded by a bunch of Watchtower elders and their wives with my wife looking on nervously lest I say something untoward is not my idea of a fun evening.

  It seemed to me to be a fishing expedition. He didn't get into anything that pushed a hot button but it was still odd. It makes me wonder how much fishing for personal details about non-JW mates goes on in the Kingdom Hall. Anybody in the same situation care to elucidate?
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  NewChapter

  Nickolas,

  Absolutely. Spouses are encouraged to witness to their mates, BUT to keep things peaceful wives are told to give a silent witness by their example. There is a scripture they use to reinforce this---without a word you can be won over because of her example. She probably DID ask the brother to come and talk to you. That would be exceedingly typical. This way there is no tension between you 2 and maybe she thinks a brother could better handle the situation. What you have to realize is that she will NEVER give up hope that you are converted.

  She has been fed countless stories about wives that patiently waited on Jehovah and after 5 years, 20 years, even 50 years their husbands saw the light. And I have to tell you this. My exhusband was won over by such tactics. I overheard him talking to an elder and saying that he often tried to engage me in arguments but my answer was always mild but firm. He said I never argured but was always sure of myself and I was a good wife. This made him think I was onto something. He got baptized. Of course at the time it reinforced my beliefs, today I am just sorry. I'm sorry exmonster. I'm sorry for being such a great wife you had to join my cult! SIGH

  NC
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  OUTLAW

  Good Morning Nickolas..

  JW mates will blab about anything..

  I gave up on Loyalty from a JW Mate a long time ago..

  I`ll never go back to that..Ever..

  You were set up..I`ve been set up..It leaves a person with a very empty feeling..

  Like Purps says: "It`s better to be alone..Than want to be alone"..

  ....................... ...OUTLAW
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  NewChapter

  Nickolas, let me give you an example of a story I heard at an assembly. The brother giving the talk told of a faithful sister who had an opposing husband. They had nothing but conflict in their home. He would be mean to her, throw her books out, try to stop her from going to meetings---that kind of thing. But this sister never gave up hope, no she didn't! One night she came home from the meeting to find he had locked her out! She went to the shed and got a hack saw and sawed her way into the house. He wanted her gone, but she didn't give up hope! The brother was pleased to announce that the sister's husband was now a fellow Christian serving shoulder to shoulder with us. The story was met by applause and tears of joy! Seriously, people were dabbing tears. This is a big deal to your wife. They will never let her give up hope that one day you will not only be her husband you will be her brother. tee hee. And she will live forever with you on a paradise earth.

  NC
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  OUTLAW

  WBT$..

  Do whatever it Takes..

  To Force your Mate to become a JW..

  Failure is not an Option..

  ....................... ...OUTLAW
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  Nickolas

  Of course, I'm in here talking about her. But I don't talk about her disparagingly - she's a wonderful person and I adore her - I talk disparagingly about her association with the WTBTS, which is likely interpreted as the same thing, even if it is anonymous. Regardless, setting a quiet example can't be part of her strategy because her example of quietly shunning her DFed nephew doesn't impress me too much and she realises it, as much as she realises how much I detest the WTBTS. I am quite sure she harbours no hope for me to join her in the Society, so why should she be discussing my intransigence with anyone in the Society?

  I think I just may have to ask her directly.
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  blondie

  Offically in writing, no. Unofficially, jws talk about anyone to anyone.

  I remember the DO saying that they would not do an experience about a non-jw husband if they knew there was a chance he would be at the convention.

  *** w89 5/15 p. 17 par. 7 Showing Love and Respect as a Wife ***Many of our Christian sisters have unbelieving and sometimes opposing husbands. Do these circumstances mean that Peter’s counsel is then null and void? No, subjection and respect are required even if "any are not obedient to the word." Therefore, would it be a sign of deep respect if a Christian wife with an opposing husband were to come to the Kingdom Hall and gossip about him, recounting to many sisters in the congregation all the ill-treatment she had received from him? If she did that with regard to a brother or a sister in the congregation, what would it be called? Gossip, or perhaps even slander. Therefore, it is not evidence of deep respect for a wife to malign her unbelieving husband. (1 Timothy 3:11; 5:13) Yet, it has to be recognized that some opposed sisters have a serious problem. What is the Christian solution? They can go to the elders and seek their help and advice.—Hebrews 13:17.
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  NewChapter

  I am quite sure she harbours no hope for me to join her in the Society

  Nickolas--you have to understand. You've never been there so it may be hard. She ABSOLUTELY harbours hope. She is presented constantly with evidence of this. There is a saying among JW's: "As soon as a study says they will NEVER go door to door, you know they are getting baptized."

  Do you see the disconnect? Negative responses are seen as sure signs of the opposite outcome. I don't say she is speaking disparingly of you--not at all. But I'm sure she speaks about you out of concern. A likely scenario is she may have voiced the concerns around a brother who then offers to stop by and get to know you. She is touched by his offer and has probably already prayed vehemently for his success. They are told that if they have called on a house 5 times and always got a negative response--DON"T GIVE UP! Things may change in that person's life to make them more open. Maybe they lose their job, lose a loved one, get sick. All of these things could make them start searching for answers, and then there you will be.

  I know of a sister that said if someone didn't want to listen at the door, but SMILED, she always goes back. Because they smiled. That was her sign that there was hope. Can you calculate every smile and make sure you never smile when she mentions something to do with the hall?

  She will never quit hoping. Her sincerest desire is that you are with her forever in paradise. She is motivated by love. Imagine if you had the most excellent news in the world that could solve every problem you ever dreamed of---you just have to do certain things to obtain it. You would absolutely want your wife to do those things. If she refused at first, you would always look for the moment when her mind could be changed. That is how certain the new system is to her. It is more real to her than this life. I know. I've been there. My husband bought it because of my hope.

  But definitely talk to her. In a way, if she didn't try you'd have to worry she didn't care. LOL I hope you work it out. I'm just trying to give you a glimpse of how she is probably thinking.

  NC
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  OUTLAW

  Nickolas..

  We know you adore your Mrs..Still..

  JW`s will do some sneaky things if thats what the WBT$ requires..

  For whatever reason..Your Mrs is up to something..

  ....................... ...OUTLAW
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  Nickolas

  Well, blondie, OUTLAW and NewChapter, your advice begs another question. If, indeed, she harbours some unrealistic hope that I will someday joyously surrender my brain at the door of the Kingdom Hall, what happens if she suddenly comes to realise it's futile? No, she's already there. We've talked about how painful it is for her to think about living in the New System with me not there. She knows where I'm at. I think she's more worried I am going to try to deprogram her, because she knows I have the ability but she is just so much in love with the delusion and afraid to die that she can't let it go. We've been together a long time, going on 40 years since we met and became an item, and can just about read each other's thoughts. We have had a kind of détente thing going on for much of our marriage which got spoiled when a disfellowshipping cleaved her family and our values clashed. There's a new/old tension in our relationship, but we're still lovers.