Are Witnesses encouraged to talk about their non-JW mates?

by Nickolas 41 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  NewChapter

  Hi Nickolas,

  I really think he wasn't looking for anything to catch you on, he was just looking for a way to talk to you. If the 2 of you talked about the building, perhaps you could talk about the permit. Maybe he had a story about trying to get a permit himself. He's looking for common ground is all, and he was clumsy about it. If he can find something in common then the relationship can flourish and offer him ways to witness subtley. Your wife may or may not have known about it. If she was uncomfortable maybe she regretted giving the go ahead---or maybe she was just uncomfortable.

  He is using informal witness techniques. It's a different more casual way to approach a person. Try to get a conversation started and steer it toward theocratic things. In the new system we will all be building our own houses. Since you like to build things, do you think you would enjoy designing and building your own house? Think about the magnificient house you could build when you have forever and perfect health and a perfect brain. No permits needed in the new system. ETC.

  How long has your wife been a witness?

  NC
• 

  Coffee House Girl

  Nickolas,

  I grew up with my mom as the JW and my dad as the unbelieving mate...there is a lot of "sympathy" extended to these "spritual widows" by elders in the cong. Periodically, the elders would have a "shepherding call" with me and my mom. That is supposed to be an informal meeting with two elders and someone in the cong. that is deemed in need of "encouragement"-

  it is done in the guise that "you sister have been soooo loyal to the WTBS and it is such a shame that you are in this terrible situation (married to an athiest) so close to the end of this system of things-satan is trying extra hard to weaken your faith...let us read you some encouraging counsel from the bible and you cry on our shoulder....

  then mom would cry about the horrors of living with an unbelieving mate, how they have nothing in common without a shared love of Jehovah, how hard it is to raise children in the "truth", and how hard it is to drive to meetings alone after dark...yada yada

  after some shepherding calls, elders would come to try to talk to my dad & try as NewChapter said "try to get some common ground with you" as to informal witness to you- they are trying to make you see that JWs are normal people and soften your heart toward them

  these visits to my dad always ended in my dad swearing at them, embarassing my mom-

  this process would occur every 3-5 years (thats how long it would take the elders in my cong to get around to thinking that they should encourage the flock)

  thats my experience...all I can say is hold your ground and be a loving husband as you have always been (you have never said anything evil about her on this board, it is clear that you love her very much and just want to help her- it is my hope that you will be the one to succeed...not them)

  CHG
• 

  TD

  It seemed to me to be a fishing expedition. He didn't get into anything that pushed a hot button but it was still odd. It makes me wonder how much fishing for personal details about non-JW mates goes on in the Kingdom Hall. Anybody in the same situation care to elucidate?

  Interesting. I can't really elucidate, but it does remind me of the time I caught a JW elder in my sideyard going through my trash. I told him to leave without asking what he was looking for, (I've no doubt he would have simply lied.) so to this day I don't know what he thought he was doing.
• 

  dgp

  Interesting. I wouldn't know about this, of course.

  Nickolas, you do interesting thinking for an anthropoid.
• 

  still thinking

  Hi Nickolas....Sounds to me like they are trying to help your wife out...since she is in such a terrible situation....having to live with an unbelieving mate.

  I had been studying for years. Then finally stopped a short time ago....next thing I know, my study ladys son is paying my partner a visit. They were obviously out witnessing and he stopped in to clock some time or do some unofficial witnessing. He even left his witnessing friend in the car while he supposidly came in for a social visit. WTF? who does that? It left me with the impression that they were testing the waters, seeing if they could get their foot back in the door through him..or finding out if he was part of the reason for me discontinuing my study...either way, it was fishing and fishy.

  I had a visit on Friday by two of my study ladies...It was lovely to see them....but I couldn't help but get the feeling they were testing the waters. Maybe seeing if I had a change of heart? Who knows, maybe I'm just cynical now, but all I see is counting time. I would love to believe it is because we had made a friendship...but I have read too much on here to truly believe that now.

  It's lovely to see that you are so caring towards your wife and so patient...Makes me wonder if they are visiting to supposedly support her. Or if she is showing signs of doubt...and they are round to find out why.
• 

  Nickolas

  How long has your wife been a witness?

  33 years.

  this process would occur every 3-5 years

  The frequency sounds about right, CHG. We've moved around a lot with my job, so maybe it always looked like a fresh opportunity to the elders at the new halls.

  I don't know what he thought he was doing.

  dumpster diving, if not for scraps of food to keep from starving, always has to do with either finding the lottery ticket you discarded by accident or to gather evidence. What on earth have you been up to, TD?

  Makes me wonder if they are visiting to supposedly support her. Or if she is showing signs of doubt...and they are round to find out why.

  Me too. I can hope.
• 

  NewChapter

  Still Thinking,

  They absolutely were testing the waters and counting time. AND they get to count you as a return visit. They have your name and address in their call books. It probably unfolded something like this:

  They are out in service and sister A has a return visit on such and such street. THEN Sister B says, "Oh, that's where StillThinking lives. I can stop in on her and see if there is any interest."

  That is how service works. You head to an area and everyone checks their call books to see if they have someone the area that they can visit. This is part of the house-to-house activity but a more focused part.

  NC
• 

  elderelite

  Nickolas, I (tragically) know the mind of elders all too well..... my gut says this was not a fishing expedition so much as his attempt to get to know you, befriend you and therefore draw you in to the "truth". maybe your wife asked him to come by and talk with you and therefore looked nervous, hoping it was working. As JW's we have NO clue to how to start conversations without a WT or Kingdom ministry in our hands to tell you so he just did what he could and asked about the shed etc. etc.... and I agree with the others that, for sure and for certain, she DOES think you could and hopefully will come into the "truth"....
• 

  still thinking

  NewChapter.....I feel soooooo loved..........my name is in someones book!....

  Nickolas....33 years!...you must have the patience of a Saint......what a long time to have to compete with a religion....and such a demanding one at that.....you must have a very strong bond to overcome that amount of pressure.
• 

  NewChapter

  LOL, oh you're in their book alright. When I was in it was not uncommon for me to stop in on someone who showed only mild interest a year before. Because we were on their street. And I didn't want to sit in the car. And I got to count it as a return visit. LOL

  NC