Converts and near-converts, what did you give up for the Watchtower?

by Nickolas 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Nickolas
    Nickolas

    If you're born-in you probably won't understand the subject question. Maybe you will if you've taken up any bad habits since leaving the Watchtower, if you've left at all. But if you were a convert (or near-convert, like I was) did you have to change your lifestyle in order to conform to the expectations of the Society?

    I did. I was 22 and in university. It was the mid 70's and, yes, I did wear button-fly, bellbottom blue jeans and my hair was to my shoulders. I was into transendential meditation, beer and cannabis, all of which I was told was forbidden to a true Christian. I quit it all about 8 months into my bible study, in mid 1975. At the time it was explained to me to be wrong on the basis of pharmakeia having been condemned in the bible. The word interestingly enough translates out as "sorcery" from the Greek. So sorcery (aka being in direct league with Satan the Deceiver) and drug use are equivalent terms. One is as one thinks, so saith Prov. 23:7 and there's no doubt that weed makes you think differently. Similarly, transendental meditation was classified as sorcery. The beer was ok - so this religion can't be all bad, eh? Drink til you fall down, but just be discrete about it and you'll be ok. I actually didn't mind giving it up. Using cannabis made me paranoid, particularly because possession of even a small amount at that time could send you to jail, and all that meditation stuff hurt my knees. The fact that I escaped the Watchtower the following year did not make me want to return to my old vices, even if now I see nothing essentially wrong with them.

    My BIL was an inveterate, heavy drug user. Cannabis, meth, mescaline, opium and acid I knew about for sure. Not sure what else. He was basically unemployable, despite having earned a university degree, so was always in need of money. He got caught cheating on some sort of government dole and was thrown in jail for a week. He was constantly in search of the next thrill. He left his wife and young son to go on a many months long party with his best friend and the two of them appeared to be very close. When he became a Jehovah's Witness I was astonished by the transformation, and that is what prompted me to investigate it. My BIL is still a Jehovah's Witness and we absolutely do not see eye to eye on many, many things. It's all a crock, of course, but I'm still convinced the Watchtower saved my BIL's life.

    What did you give up?

  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    All the friends I ever had, my self-respect, and my thinking and reasoning ability.

  • Nickolas
    Nickolas

    You gave up much more than I did, Paula. My regrets.

  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    But Nikolas, Im not married to a devout JW as you are. I feel for you. My husband is agnostic, and while it was hard while I was studying, Im so grateful for him standing by his views while standing by me. You go through it everyday, for me its over. Im grateful for that. Best wishes x

  • snowbird
    snowbird

    Lifelong friends and a college education.

    Syl

  • Chariklo
    Chariklo

    Family unity, my self-respect, and my thinking and reasoning ability.

    Fortunately, my friends remained bemused, concerned, but patient, and still my friends, and to my surprise welcomed me back to the real world with alacrity.

  • dgp
    dgp

    I never converted, and then I am not sure I lost anything. And this, to a great extent, because I won a lot in the process of not converting.

    Sometimes I think that the witness I fell in love with would have had a relationship with me, and perhaps even married me, if only I had agreed to convert. She hinted such things more than once. Most of the time, however, I don't think so. I think she never really cared that much about me. I'm not sure about it. But sometimes she acted in a really mean way and it was clear that, at those times at least, she didn't care.

    But, I first became interested in her because of the difficult situation she had at home, with her witness husband. I began doing research about the witnesses, and what I found pretty much convinced me I would never ever become a witness. Now, when she divorced and gave some serious signs I could have a chance, I sort of hesitated about converting; but then I decided I would never do it. If we were ever to have anything, I would remain an unbeliever. I thought I couldn't help her if I was in the same prison as she. I also didn't want to give up who I was. So we parted ways, she put distance between us, and recently got married to a witness.

    So I didn't give up family or friends.

    In the process of learning about the Watchtower and its ways, however, I learned a lot I wouldn' t have learned otherwise. I don't feel I'm exaggerating if I say that much of the person I will be will have to do with my opening my eyes to the manipulative ways of cults. That was an aspect of life I was simply not aware of. I also became a full-blown atheist. And then I became more sensitive to some aspects of life. I hope I'm making it clear that, in my opinion, I won a hell of a lot with the experience, even if I didn't get the woman.

    There is only one thing I regret about my deeper involvement with the witnesses. The one thing I regret is that I never had the courage to show her what I had found out, what I knew, out of fear of losing her. Now that she's gone anyways, for good, I feel guilty to think that I should have put her first. I should have shown her what I had. If she ran away from me, at least she would have had a chance. It wouldn't have mattered if she had gone away with another man; the best thing I could have done for her was to open her eyes. Sometimes I think that I am not to blame because learning about the Watchtower is an overwhelming thing, like disentangling a rope that's tied with a zillion knots, and time was against me, and I didn't really know how to present things to her so she would think. Some other times I think she wouldn't have paid attention anyway. Still, I should have spoken. I hope one day she and I will have this conversation, she will be out, and she will understand and forgive me. I didn't want to lose her, so I didn't do what I should have done.

  • Nickolas
    Nickolas

    dgp, I've been trying to get my mate to see what you see for 33 years and I have failed. Move on.

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    Going to college, living in a safe, violence free home...got all of that after I left the cult.

  • dgp
    dgp

    Nickolas, thank you very much for your concern. I thought about you and your wife when I was typing my post. Not only do I have to move on, I have no intention of being "the fool who loses tomorrow reaching back for yesterday", as Dionne Warwick would put it.

    It's just that I often feel guilty about it. If I had tried, maybe something would have happened. It was the rest of her life that was at stake.

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