I was looking at buying a new car yesterday. It seemed ok and was comfy inside, but I told the salesman I wanted to read up on it and maybe find out what people who owned one, or had owned one thought of it.
He told me that on no account should I listen to anyone other than him, and that I especially should avoid listening to ex-owners, as they were liars and immoral.
How come if I buy that car I am an idiot, but if I 'buy' a religion with the same attitude, I would not be an idiot.
Notice how all you talk about is not subjecting yourself to alternate sources of information, nothing about that information being wrong.
Truth need not hide from searing scrutiny, and they that say it does lie.
Yes, it is hard, it is scary. You have reached the point where you know on some level you can retreat into the safety of what you know and ignore the uneasiness you now feel (this is your cognitive dissonance being pushed to its limits) or reboot your life and risk loosing all your friends and or family.
Be brave. Be strong. Don't carry on living a lie.