I was raised a JW and my dad was an elder. My parents divorced after my dad decided to leave the "truth." I was baptised when I was 16, after being severely pressured by my mom to do so. I got married right before turning 18 to a man who turned out to be very abusive. After six years of marriage and having a baby, I filed for divorce. I had become semi-inactive during this period and the elders came to "meet" with me. The elders told me if I didn't return to my husband, I would be disfellowshipped. I told them I refused to do that, so I was disfellowshipped in 1996.
I met a really nice "worldly" man who happens to be my current husband. He helped me build back up my self esteem and showed me so much love. We got married two years later and had a son. Our life was very fulfilling and happy with two more added children and my child from my first marriage. My mom had been disfellowshipped and my sister had D'A. My sister and I were very close and kept in touch contantly, my mom didn't contact me that much.
In 2009 my oldest daughter was 15 and was giving us a lot of trouble, she was lying, stealing, doing drugs, hanging out with the wrong crowd. My mom started calling and emailing me about coming back to Jehovah, she had been reinstated. After not hearing from her very much for so long, my emotions were triggered and I thought she really wanted to stay in contact with me. We talked at least once a day. She kept telling me I "had" to come back to Jehovah's organization before it was too late. She would tell me my children would die if I didn't, she had my sister begging me to come back so "she would be in Paradise with us." My mom asked me if I wanted to watch my children be destroyed by Jehovah just because I would rather be in the world than doing Jehovah's will. After a couple months of this, I contacted the local KH and told the elders I wanted to come back.
Meanwhile my 15 year old daugther was completely out of control and my mom and the elders would tell me it was satan, because he didn't want me to do what was right and go back to Jehovah. I found out my daughter was sexually active, asked my mom and the elders if I should put her on birth control as my husband advised. They told me if I did that than I would be condoning the wrong she was doing, and that I knew what she was doing was against Jehovah, so I didn't put her on birth control. She came up pregnant, and my husband was very upset with me for not putting her on birth control.
There were issues with my daughter sneaking out and sneaking the baby's father in. The baby's father was an 18 year old who was on probation for arsen and burglary. We did everything we could to keep her away from him. The more my husband learned about the religion, the more adament he was that it was a cult and not right. His parents stopped having anything to do with him or us because I had gone back. This added to the massive problems in our family, which the elders and my mom insisted was satan. My mother kept telling me I needed to leave, that since my being able to serve Jehovah was threatened by my husband, to do Jehovah's will I had to leave.
The last night I was home my husband was pretty upset. He asked me "who is more important to you, the KH or me and the kids?" I kept telling him, "I would chose Jehovah. " He told me I was "sick" that he would "give his soul for me and the kids." He then started throwing out all the KH books and magazines, telling us to "get every Bible out of the house." He then went to bed. I was really upset so I texted my sister that I needed her. She called me and I told her what had happened. During our conversation my mom called my sister's other phone and my sister told her what happened. My mom kept relaying messages through my sister that it was satan and I had to get out of there. I told them I didn't want to leave, but she kept insisting that according to her elders, Jehovah was providing me a way out and if I didn't take it, I would be going against Jehovah.
While still on the phone with my sister, there came a knock on my door, I answered it and there were two Sheriff's Deputies, one on each side of my door with guns drawn and pointed at the door. They didn't say anything but, " get off the phone" and "everyone out now!" My children and I were shocked and terrified so we ran out of the house. Another police officer was outside and told me my mom had called 911 here and said my husband had thrown things at us, hit my daughter, and that he had a gun.
They questioned my daughter and me separately. My daughter was very angry with my husband for keeping her away from her boyfriend, having even gone so far as running him out of our neighborhood a few days prior, and had told me she hated him and he would be sorry. I told the officer all that had happened since I had returned to the KH, and how upset my husband had been. My husband was arrested, charged with DV, aggravated battery against a pregnant person, and child abuse.
My mom called me and told me to leave now, that Jehovah was giving me a way out. I took the kids and left the state to go to Idaho where my mom lives. Once there I found out my mom had lied to the police about my husband, and my daughter had also lied to them. My mom said they had to in order to do Jehovah's will. I was persuaded to file for divorce even though I didn't want to, my mom told me I had to or my husband would get the kids. There was a court order entered for my husband to have contact with the kids, but my mom didn't want to allow that. She stated it was her house, that he was an apostate and had demons in him. She would, and so would her elders tell me the same thing over and over. I told them there was no way they could say he was an apostate or had demons in him, I told them only Jehovah can read a person's heart. My husband finally was able to talk to the kids by phone, my mom listened in and if the kids started to say something about where we were, my mom would stop them. I told my mom it wasn't right, that was there dad and they were just telling him the truth. My mom told me to look up "theocratic warfare" in the society literature, that we don't have to be tell the truth to those not deserving it or something like that.
I told my mom I didn't agree with that, lying is lying. She had her elder come and talk to me and explain the same thing. I was again told my husband was an apostate and had demons in him, that he would kill me and the kids. My husband had filed for the kids to be brought back to Florida. During that time I said some horrible things in the divorce papers about my husband that weren't true, all under the crazy understanding I was doing Jehovah's will.
To make a really long story shorter, I had to come back to Florida for the child hearing, which made me happy to be back and out from under my mom's control. I was ordered to bring the kids back to Florida, and my husband was ordered to give me the house. The Judge told my husband and I to discuss the arrangements. We started talking for the first time since the night he was arrested and decided we wanted to get back together. In my absense he had contacted a local elder and started a "Bible" study. We talked at length about everything. He told me he couldn't understand why I said and did such hateful things, I tried to explain it to him as best I could. He continued with his study once a week and I went to the meetings. After finding out I had gone back to my husband, my mom refused to talk to me and refused to let me talk to my daughter, who had remained there.
She said I was an apostate for going back, and that I chose him over Jehovah. She kept telling me he was going to kill me and the kids. My sister also refused to talk to me. Seeing how they were acting, I began really doubting for the first time that it was the "truth." I started reading a different Bible and read things I had never known were there. This got me to wondering more and I began searching the internet and came across many things I had no idea about that showed the organization wasn't what I thought. The elder studying with my husband came over and I told him I had been reading the Bible alone without the WTBTS publications and there were things I found that didn't match what they said. He told me I wasn't able to understand the Bible on my own, I told him I didn't believe that at all, and also told him how my family was acting and treating me.
I told my husband I no longer believed that religion was right, and he stopped studying. I can't believe I could do and say the things I did, with my warped thinking it was "right." I really hurt my husband and his family tremendously. I am just so grateful he was willing to forgive me, and he has whole heartedly, and so has his family. My sister has not talked to me since 2009. My mother would give a short reply to a text I sent, but on Mother's Day of this year informed me via text that she will not talk to me until I am reinstated as one of Jehovah's witnesses. I can tell you from my heart that will NEVER happen again! My heart is broken because my daughter has been indoctinated in to that cult as well, and is treating me the same way as my mom. It does really hurt, I can't help feeling it, but my husband is here to support me and I know I will get through this.