Thank you all for the very warm welcome! It's funny even after two years since I came extremely too close to making the worst mistake of my life, my husband still asks me "why" I said and did such horrible things, and I really have no good or understandable answer for him. He doesn't and probably never will be able to comprehend how the indoctrination happens and stays in your mind even when you are not "active" in the organization. Even after I was disfellowshipped in 1996 and all through the years following up until two years ago, I still "believed" what I had been told since infancy. I NEVER stepped foot in another church (scared to death to), and I still had thoughts that every "bad storm" or "bad disaster" might be the end.
I don't know if it affected any of you like this, but I would and sometimes still do have nightmares about Jehovah destroying me and my family, different scenerios, but all very frightining. Thankfully the nightmares are starting to subside and I don't freak out everytime there is a bad storm, I am just waiting for my unfounded fear to end, then I will feel that I am totally free from that hell!