I'll always be a failure

MrFreeze

I try to make people happy. Sometimes its to my detriment. Above all I'd like nothing more than to make my family happy. Unfortunately as my mom is a JW and I am no longer one, I can't do that. In her eyes I'll always be a failure for not sticking with the JWs. I've come to the realization that it doesn't matter what I do, I'll be a failure. I could come up with a cure for cancer and I'll still be a failure. Its kind of depressing. No, its very depressing.

rebel8

This person's estimation of you cannot affect your actual value.

MrFreeze

I am aware of that rebel. I know that I'm not really a failure. But to my mom, I'll never be able to make her happy with me. To her, I will always be a failure.

rebel8

Ok, but you said it's very depressing. Very depressing?

She believes you're a loser. She believes a lot of nuttier things too.

Let go of things you can't control.

Maybe humor will help you cope and shake her from her irrationality?

When she says you're a loser, reply that you know if she's saying it based on the org's teachings, it must be 100% accurate. Pause for her to confirm that.

Then ask her how Jehovah is doing on Pleiades, if she's been able to cure a cold by jumping up and down naked, and if you can get a hold of the skin cancer cure the wts invented (all Golden Age-era teachings).

Then ask her again if she's sure you're a loser because the org said so.

poopsiecakes

Darlin, I'm truly sorry you feel this way. It sucks and there's no getting around that. Going forward though, please remember that the only person's happiness you have control over is your own. You are only a failure if that's how YOU see yourself.

The sad thing about the 'golden rule' (as great as it is) is that most people forget the most important part - love others as YOU LOVE YOURSELF. That has to come first in order to truly know what love and happiness is about. Do things for other people, absolutely. But (as ugly as it sounds) if it's about trying to please or impress THEM, you will find yourself in a very unsatifactory place where nothing is good enough. What makes YOU happy? What do YOU enjoy? If that's stamp collecting, volunteering at a soup kitchen, doing needlepoint or whatever - do it because YOU love it and it will make you happy.

This applies to mothers as well and it took me a while to get figure out how to get over the perpetual "you're not a witness anymore therefore I can't love you the same no matter what you do" mantra I continually hear from my own mother. I understand it now and because I understand how to make myself happy have found a contentment and peace that I've never known before.

Hang in there - things will get better. Believe in yourself.

talesin

This fact came right up and smacked me in the face not too long ago, too.

It can be a real downer when you first realize it. But like with all losses,,, grieve it (stages of grief), and then let it go.

It's natural to want your mom to be proud of you, but you don't need it. Now that you know how warped her perspective on life is, you can move on from that expectation.

t

Vanderhoven7

Parental love brings healing. That's the way God planned it. I hope you can forgive your Mom for her misguided rejection and take comfort in the love of the Father.

Isa 49:15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

Lozhasleft

As a mother I can tell you she will never see you as a failure. I have 5 adult kids, some of them have treated me abominably...all have currently rejected me. I'm disfellowshipped so it doesnt help. I dont see any of them as failures. They've made mistakes maybe, but I will always love them all. Mothers dislike the actions not their children. I'm sure its the same with your mum whatever impression she gives you. The most important thing for me is that mine are happy...if that means without me in their lives, so be it....good mothers would agree.

Loz x

Black Sheep

She's the one who failed you.

She chose to bring you up in a religion with ever changing doctrines and a history of failed prophetic ramblings. It was risky and it didn't pay off.

Now you want answers from her, no pathetic excuses, real answers without psychobabble excuses for not answering. Pick a hum dinger that will have her lying in minutes.

When she lies to you, or tries to use psycholical warfare to avoid the question, tell her she just lost her high horse, and why. Now if she wants to sit in judgement on you she has no moral high ground to pontificate from. If she tries, you just go back to that question and demand a truthful answer.

MrFreeze

This is all about the twisted way that the WT makes its members perceive things. Yeah, I know I don't need her approval. But its natural to want it. As long as she is in the WT she won't change. I'll just keep on keeping on.

I'll always be a failure

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