I can't believe I'm actually posting here. I've been lurking for a while and I've been having doubts about this being the "truth" for years and sometimes feel really stuck and hopeless about my situation. I'm married to an elder (who is 110% JW) and I was for the most part raised in the "truth". My hubby is a born-in. We both have a lot of our family in. We are happily married and he truly is my best friend. We have kids and I just feel bad for them sometimes - being different, you know?
I asked my husband if he ever had doubts that this is the truth. He said he didn't and that there were a lot of very intelligent people who believed in it (not really a good reason to stay in a religion, if you ask me) and that he'd never seen anything fishy that made him question it. I brought up the 607 B.C.E. argument and said I stumbled on it on the internet while doing research on the fall of Jerusalem to Babylon. He counseled me on avoiding apostate websites (didn't follow that counsel, obviously) and said we'd research it together. We looked at the WT CD library and he was okay with the explanation they offered of trusting the Bible chronology over secular. I wasn't totally convinced, but didn't tell him. I just let him believe that it allayed my fears.
I am still really confused and I'm not sure what good it'll do posting here. I guess I just needed to get things off my chest a little. I feel like there is no one I can really talk to about my conflicting feelings. My congregation is for the most part good and I've never really seen anything that made me "stumble", I just gradually over time started to realize that I wasn't sure I believed it anymore. My husband obviously is still very much "in" and I hate that I can't talk to him openly about this. I know that he'll put up a wall and he'll refuse to look at anything that is negative towards the Society. Especially if it comes from "apostates".
What really got me thinking objectively about my religion is the similarities with Mormons and how many Mormons seem equally as invested in their faith as JWs. I started really thinking about the beliefs that I was raised with and wondering if I believed that way because it really DID make sense or because it was what I was taught to believe was right.
Don't get me wrong, I believe that a lot of what we learn is of benefit (re: family life and avoiding immorality) because I've seen time and again those who do whatever they want without regard for Bible principles get burned. I don't agree with retarded things (for lack of a better word) like a woman wearing a head covering (never understood that) or the harshness of punishment in the OT for some things.
I read CoC by Ray Franz and really detected a sincerity about him. I believe what he wrote was true.
I'm at a place right now where I'm not sure what to do. Some days I feel pretty good and I feel like I could continue on in this religion. Other days I feel like I'm suffocating. Please excuse me if I'm all over the place and not making a whole lot of sense. I hope there is someone hear that can identify with me. I don't think I've ever seen an elder's wife on here. I can't be the first, can I?
Thanks for the chance to put my feelings out there!