Trying to Salvage a Friendship (page 3)

talesin

Dear paulnotsaul,,,,

sounds like you have 'been there, done that' ..... I lost a friend to the org as well.... it's not an easy thing... love to you ...

t

I have been "mourning the loss" of my JW best friend and maybe it was from reading this thread, but I did something. I had not heard at all from him since we had a serious phone discussion in late 2009. That was when I was sure his loyalty to WTS was stronger than loyalty to a friend.

Well, time passed enough to do something so I sent him a postcard that said "Friendship is like a broken glass. You can repair it but it will always be cracked."

He called finally. He said "Our friendship is not broken." I said "...but it is cracked." He said "Yeah, maybe so." He went on to talk about trivialities and I could tell it wasn't the same but was forced on his part, that he was uncomfortable with talking to me. I asked how long ago he was appointed an elder. He asked how I knew. I just said I could tell. It happened shortly after I last spoke to him. He endeD with "Nice.talking to you." as if nothing was.wrong but I know it's really gone now- our frinedship- until/unless he leaves the JW's.

I decided it is good to have closure.

talesin

otwo -- you're a good man ... that's all I have to say atm ..

t

paulnotsaul

Thanks talesin. My friend was not a jw, but he was a spiritual man. He always respected me and my beliefs. When he really needed me I took to the mind in which I was taught and cut him off. He was dead to me I would say. The problem now is that he really is. Be careful of what you say. But it's what I didn't say that still bothers me. quendi, your friend needs you reach out. peace. paulnotsaul

talesin

yes, paul, I think of that ... always remember that the last thing you say, may be the last thing ... words to live by, and thank you for the reminder.

edit for the heart :

tal

talesin

paul

I read your earlier messages.

It's NOT YOUR FAULT!

UM,, you can read my old posts, but my friend, too, killed himself ... it's NOT your fault.

xo

tal

paulnotsaul

Thanks T. Its just human nature to wonder what if. What if I reached out? I don't know. I guess I never will. peace. paulnotsaul

talesin

reach out ,, just be careful ,.. :D

t

talesin

HEY!!!!!!!!!!

it was his/her choice ---- don't ever blame yourself ---

Quendi

Thank you, my friends, for your comfort and counsel. Reading your posts has helped me decide that I will try one more time. I believe that what paulnotsaul has recommended will be my best course of action. I will go see "Evan" and attempt to talk to him in person. I will stop by on Sunday because I believe that will be my best chance to find him at home. I can also hope that the rest of the family will be at the meeting when I call. I will go to the Kingdom Hall on Saturday to learn what the meeting time is. I want to have all my bases covered.

I will also bring a peace offering, as it were. I have a booklet published by the Colorado Department of Transportation called Colorado: The Official Guide to the Scenic and Historic Byways. I know it is the kind of publication that "Evan" loves. He and I have traveled some of the routes the booklet features together on our "buddy trips" in the past. I hope that by giving it to him, he will see that I am sincere in wanting to salvage our friendship and put it on a fresh new footing. If he is alone, we might actually talk and make arrangements for a longer meeting at another time and place.

What I have read here convinced me that "Evan" will only respond to a direct, face-to-face meeting. The painful experience OnTheWayOut shared has warned me that there may be no happy ending. But that is a risk I must take if I am to have any kind of closure. I lost the best friend I ever had to suicide. He killed himself before I had the chance to tell him that I loved him one last time. If my friendship with "Evan" is to end, in whatever fashion that ultimately should take, I want to know that I did and said all I could.

My friends, thanks again. I'll certainly let you know how matters turn out.

Quendi

Trying to Salvage a Friendship

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