Signs From My Brother

DarioKehl

SIGNS: (really amped up in the last year)

Claims to "spend hours on the internet."

Recently became an MS after 3 yrs of reproof.

After a few months, stepped down and relocated.

Expresses no interest in becoming MS again, calling me saying "Count me in for paintball again."

Shared with me that he "disturbed" a long-time JW friend by expressing doubts about the flood account.

Relayed his flood doubts to me in confidence.

Shared funny stories of a "weak brother" at his new hall and some of the hilarious and shocking things this guy says openly.

While attending convention, made countless witty remarks infront of our mom and his wife criticizing everything from the parking lot traffic directors, the "toes" prophecy (saying that he "doubts it's going to be anything new but we're supposed to make a big deal about it."), hating meetings and service and the "terrible new song book."*

*Incidentally, when HE says these things, he gets a "tsk-tsk" from wifey and momma. When I say anything remotely close to scandalous, I get sincere, audible gasps followed by teary-eyed lectures from wifey and momma.

HOWEVER...

He's always used "shock-and-awe" humor.

He's married with kids.

Both sides of our families and his wife are die-hard Dubs.

Turned down an invitation to go camping with me and some friends in April because he was auxillary pioneering and had to "get the rest of the hours in."

ADVICE NEEDED:

Am I reading too much into this?

Should I take a proactive step and open up to him about my doubts or is there too much risk involved?

PROS:

If he's "mentally out" like me, I'd have the closest relationship with him than I've had since we were kids and I wouldn't feel so alone in deceiving our family.

I'd have flesh-and-blood to talk to about this for ONCE! Friends are good, but it's still a very alienating sensation and I get depressed about it often.

CONS:

If he's not "mentally out," I completely risk outing myself!

If he is, what next? Sure we'd have a team dynamic, but the potential pain we will cause our families and the inevitable strain on his marriage and parenthood could spell disaster!

Ok, lay it on me!

Lore

Relayed his flood doubts to me in confidence.

Shared with me that he "disturbed" a long-time JW friend by expressing doubts about the flood account.

Excellent. Odds are if he has the tiniest doubt about the flood and he spends a lot of time on the internet I'm SURE he's googled whatever he was curious about.

Lets say he wondered how a tree could be 5000 years old if the flood happened 4.5k years ago. If he googled THAT question then it would also lead him sites explaining how the animals wouldn't have fit, the coral reefs would have died, the geology record would prove it wrong etc.

So if he is revealing to you that he he has doubts, he's probably hoping you'll research it as well.

That's what I did, I had already done loads of research about the flood months before I mentioned to ANYONE that I had concerns about it. And I only brought it up because I was hoping they'd research it as well.

Turned down an invitation to go camping with me and some friends in April because he was auxillary pioneering and had to "get the rest of the hours in."

Maybe he doesn't really like camping. I hate camping and I'd gladly use field service as an excuse to get out of it.

Should I take a proactive step and open up to him about my doubts or is there too much risk involved?

Nope. It sounds VERY promising, but it's not really worth the risk. You'd finally have a buddy to share your misery with. But that's it.

You'd be able to work together to accomplish. . . nothing. Even as a team you wouldn't be able to do anything.

Y ou'll probably end up going out to get a few beers, talk about your problems, work each other up into a frenzy and agree that you guys just have to DO SOMETHING. Then you'd either do something, and regret it. Or not do something, and regret it.

In my opinion, if at all possible, be a loner. Teammates aren't very useful when there's nothing to work towards.

DarioKehl

Thanks Lore!

I appreciate 3rd-party perspective. Perhaps my true motives in opening up to him are selfish. I am a loner by nature. Very introverted. But part of me doesn't want the burden of being the only JW in my family to "leave." I guess what appeals to me is the possibility that I may not have the entire load of dissapointing my family on my shoulders. Everytime he made a snide remark about JWs in front of our families during convention weekend, I felt tremendous relief, almost hoping that maybe HE would be the one to sever the ties and I could ride along on his coat tails.

On the other hand, I'm single, in my 30's and isolated and even I get depressed and have that constant feeling that I need to "look over my shoulder" so no one finds out about my feelings and choices. IF he is doubting too, he may have tremendous depression and internal conflict because he's got a wife and family tethered to him. Ugh... if he is a doubter, he's totally STUCK.

There are a lot of people in this situation...mentally checked out, but don't wanna pull that band-aid off the arm hair.

NomadSoul

Well, go paintball shooting this weekend.

DarioKehl

Paintball is on the agenda real soon! In fact, most of the JWs who play with us could be potential escapees because they're already doing something they're "not supposed" to do. Each time we play, more and more of out worldly friends and relatives come along (with beer) and the JW players seem to be totally fine with it!

BTW, while at convention, my bro and I also had a nice hour-long chat about his flood doubts while soaking in the hot tub. I just sat there quietly and let him vent a little and then very subtly said, "Yeah...I find it interesting that even though the society insists it was global and not regional, the Egyptian and Chinese dynasties were totally unperturbed by the water. Maybe pagodas and pyramids float?" And he started laughing.

Lore

Each time we play, more and more of out worldly friends and relatives come along (with beer) and the JW players seem to be totally fine with it!

'Needs of the Circuit' talk incomming.

They'll probably call it a 'murder simulation game'

Sounds like fun!

ABibleStudent

Hi Dariokehl. How about doing the following:

1) Suggest playing paintball or other fun activities that your brother loves when FS is scheduled and/or with "Worldly" people.

2) Suggest doing fun things with both your brother and his wife with other "Worldly" people.

3) Ask your brother hypothetical questions. How about, "How would he feel about shunning his children as discussed in the 15 July 2011 Watchtower?"

4) Ask your brother about going on a fun vacation when the next assembly should be scheduled.

5) Ask your brother more about his feelings about the flood.

6) Send your brother an anonymous email like I wrote about in http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/beliefs/211893/1/Youe28099ve-Got-Mail-TM

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

ABibleStudent

Black Sheep

Tell him nothing about your doubts.

Just ask questions that encourage him to express his, or help him think of some more.

Be the last one to out yourself.

steve2

It would be great if your brother were on the way out, but don't make your own path dependent on your brother's. If he is on the way out, he's using a provocative way to do it; but as you say, he's always been that way. It's promising that he's questioning the flood. I like Black Sheep's suggestion of asking him questions

jwfacts

I wouldn't tell him anything for now. Use questions to make him open up to you. If he verbalises that he has doubts, let him discuss them with you. Even doubts do not mean he is willing to admit to himself that the Watchtower is not the true religion, or the best religion to belong to. I would be pretty certain that he is over it and also will not make trouble for you before telling him too much about where you stand.

Signs From My Brother

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