by DarioKehl 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
Go paintballing, spend time with him, be his friend and brother, ...but DO NOT BRING IT UP.
If he mentions something, then go along with it and play it by ear. There is no "do or die" just take your time and if the timing isnt right be patient, there will be other times (unless you blow it now of course).
The advice to play it cool and not say too much is good.
IMO it's better to have JWs take "The Truth" lightly than to encourage them to have an anti-Watchtower attitude. Focus on the positive. Keep it light. Be patient until you know they are ready to fully let go and then just be there to catch them and comfort them.
The Society is always trying to tighten the reigns. JWs have two options: submit and obey, or make up their own minds. If a JW has a more laid back attitude, they'll be able to ignore or laugh off trivial counsel and crazy doctrine. This is a comfortable way for them to slowly slip from the tight grasp of the Society's leadership. They'll be in a better state to entertain more doubts and questions. They'll feel at ease forming their own opinions and testing their own ideas. This builds confidence in the self and lessens dependence on the Society. Slowly, their minds become more open.
On the other hand, if a negative tone is taken as to the Organization and it's teachings, a JW will instinctually feel guilty, uncomfortable and defensive. The mental blocks go up and they are more inclined to doubt themselves and run back to the presumed "safety" of the Society, which they equate with God. Any progress they made in opening their minds is reversed. They'll also remember who made them feel uncomfortable and either avoid you, or be less likely to discuss JW issues freely.
I agree...don't push too hard. He obviously has let some doubts creep in to his thinking. If anything, you might innocently ask what about the flood account doesn't ring true for him. Let him lead the discussion...you can learn a lot by being a good listener.
well, between him openly expressing doubts about the flood, spending lots of time on the net, and having no intention to return to MS-ing.. i'd say it's pretty clear that he's mentally exiting, it's just not clear exactly how far along yet.
Auxiliar pioneering in April seems like the piece that doesn't fit, but he could be doing it out of pressure from his wife and family, it is quite likely actually. if his goal at the moment is to keep face with the family and the congregation, and he had the circumstances to do it, doing the aux-pio would make sense since with the low 30hrs and increased participation, anyone who can but doesn't would look at least somewhat suspicious.
in the meantime, keep alot of communication with him. I, feeling very comparable to how you describe yourself, can definitely see the benefit of opening up to eachother and being united in your dissent. perhaps laying it all bare on the table is too risky at the moment, but you could drop clues similar to what he is doing - expressing doubt about just one particular teaching (try overlapping generation), in a casual way, and see how he responds. if he appears too shocked, you could always tone it down by saying "oh, i'm just confused by it a bit, i'm trying to understand it better".
by the way, i really like the way you put your points in order in the opening post.
Well, I really don't have any advice to give but I do have to compliment you on your lovely, clear posting style.
Stay optimistic. But be very patient.
DK,
Neither of my siblings were particularly strong in "the truth". Your situation most reminds me of my sister that has certainly tried to be a good JW. She had never really expressed any doubts, but I took the first step simply because I was the one that had been "spiritually mature" and served at bethel. It was about a year and a half ago that I explained why Jews take blood based on the Bible and that JWs need to change. It was a one-on-one conversation. We had many more since then. This year we rode home together on Sunday and I could speak more openly to a group of family about the flaws of the convention. But enough about me...
As a suggestion, if the convention is fresh on your minds, look for a one-on-one opportunity. You might try bringing up that although the feet were supposed to indicate that the end is "near", they said nothing about the King of the North or about the destruction of Babylon the Great. Those are two huge prophecies that more clearly indicate that the end is not near. As my sister pointed out, people are more religious today than they were when we were kids. We're in a town with both conservative and liberal churches. There is no way that they're going away anytime soon.
PM me if you want help with any specific "topics for conversation".
Maybe he's here - thinking "Mmmmm I wonder if that's my Bro. talkin?"
