I'm so sorry to hear about this - condolences, CHG. It's terrible that you even have to consider how you will be treated when you get there. That's quite clearly the last thing you need right now.
PP
Anyone wanna place a bet on what will happen to me when I have to go to the Kingdom Hall this Saturday??
by Coffee House Girl 49 Replies latest jw friends
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nugget
I was sorry to hear your news and even sorrier to hear that a JW funeral is being planned for someone who does not believe. This is the biggest insult you can offer the dead to give them a funeral that disrespects the stand they made in life.
It is problematic since they have a cease and desist notice then they legally cannot approach you on the topic. If they try then you say "my lawyer has told me it would be inappropriate to talk to you on this matter are you not aware of your legal obligation to cease and desist?" or "Have you no shame this is a memorial and that is why I am here and that is why you should be here."
You are there as a family member supporting one another at a difficult time and enduring a service that has nothing to do with your father. This memorial is an advertorial for the organsation. Try to be strong this will not be easy for you. They may try but if you are prepared mentally it will help. If they ask to talk to you privately then cut them off straight away. Ask them for their postal address so that your lawyer can contact them personally.
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RubaDub
C H G ...
You didn't mention choice "D" ... all of the above.
You are likely to be relatively ignored by some, love-bombed by others and possibly, and it all depends on the mindset of your body of elder, they may say they need to talk to you at a later time.
To avoid any issues, just keep someone close to you who is not a JW. For example, one of your parent's friends who is not a JW or someone who will not run off if the elder gives them the "eye" and wants to speak to you privately.
Nothing will happen inside the building. But if you want to avoid any possible hijack situation in the parking lot (that is likely where they may try to ambush you if that is their desire), just ask someone there to escort you to your car at the end (a non-JW if possible). Just chit-chat with him/her, get in your car and you are good to go. As long as you are talking to a "worldly" person, they will not attack you.
Rub a Dub
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Coffee House Girl
Thanks all for weighing in....and thanks for the advise, I do plan on having a "broken record" responce for most Jdub comments- and I liked nuggets suggestion for what to say to elders- I will remember that.
My father did not have any nonjw friends still living, but my brother's best friend is comming for both of us (a human shield as it were...)
I have already had turmoil which has put me on edge...my fam asked me to put together the memorial handout pamplets (you know...a little hand held pamphlet which has a picture of deceased one on it and tells a bit about them & jdubs always want a scripture on it with a kingdom melody so everyone can sing along)
Well I put together a really nice one with their jdub requests...but on the back I put a poem from one of dad's favorite books he read as a young person- I had 200 printed up, now mom and my brother-in-law(COBOE) asked to have it removed because the poem said the word "whiskey" in it & that may offend the "friends"
I called and told them where I had them printed and told them to have it removed themselves, I am out-
My bad for forgetting who the memorial service was for....I should have never gotten involved
Thanks for your support everyone
I will let you know who wins the bet of course
CHG
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Coffee House Girl
Why go Hortensia asks??? good question , my spidey sense tells me to run like hell- but my brother is going and I guess I am going for him, and going to be a support for my mom (although she probably feels she gets better comfort from her "friends" in the hall...)
CHG
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Mad Sweeney
I bet you'll get all three also.
Some will shun.
Some will love-bomb.
At least one elder, possibly several, will try to get you to set up a meeting with them.
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discreetslave
Again I am sorry for your loss. I'm also soryy you have to deal with this crap during your grieving time.
CHG If we were in the same cong. My family would have paid occasional visits & phone calls throughout the past 2 years. That's what made my husband & I different we did our best to find those missing and offer a listening ear.
At memorials I always got looked at wrong because I would speak & hug all the family including df'd. I felt this was always my chance to get away with being human.
As for the zombies it's B & C. The elders will show concern in hopes of laying the foundation to pry into your life.
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Reopened Mind
CHG,
I agree you will probably get some of all three choices, but who knows? It all dependes on the personalities of the people in the congregation. You are preparing well so should get through relatively unscathed.
nugget gave good suggestions for how to answer.
Keep in mind you are going to honor your father and to add moral support for your mother and brother.
Please share with us how it turns out.
Reoopened Mind
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finallysomepride
Ill put $5 on love bombing.
My dad passed away last year, when I attended his funeral I was really surprised at the response to my attendance as most of them would know that I am totally out (but not df or da) I actually had a very pleasant time (if you could a funeral such a thing)
Kevin
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undercover
Well I put together a really nice one with their jdub requests...but on the back I put a poem from one of dad's favorite books he read as a young person- I had 200 printed up, now mom and my brother-in-law(COBOE) asked to have it removed because the poem said the word "whiskey" in it & that may offend the "friends"
I called and told them where I had them printed and told them to have it removed themselves, I am out-
My bad for forgetting who the memorial service was for....I should have never gotten involved
Condolences on your loss...
This re-affirms the old saying, "funerals aren't for the dead, but the living". Funerals are for those left behind, a way to say goodbye, pay last repsects, remember the good times. Nothing wrong with that...until...you get to a group that manages to hi-jack the funeral from those left behind and turn it into a marketing campaign for the WT religion.
Good job for refusing to fix what they don't like. They want it changed, they can do it themselves....and reimburse you for the printing that you've already done.
Going back to your bet... I'd say you'll experience a little of everything. It's been my experience that funerals don't bring out the ultra-cult shunning that weddings do. Tongues are bitten, opinions kept in check for when DFd/DAd/inactive ones show up for a funeral service. Some may express their attitude with some shunning but most will suck it up and be nice. Weddings, on the other hand, cause everyone to go into shunning overdrive. They will do their best to keep DFd/DAd/inactive from having any part whatsoever in a wedding.