by truthseeker 18 Replies latest jw friends
I don't know if this strange phenomenon is unique to my family but it seems that those who have left the truth have little to no interest in reaching out to those family members who have also left the religion.
It seems topsy turvy to me. Surely, there would be common ground and mutual support for those leaving/have left but this does not seem to be the case.
Does anyone else have this problem?
You might put it down to the mindset we had while we were in, that is, always feeling you had to "rat" someone out who you suspected of anything. Maybe those who have left are leery that if they say or do too much, even within the family, it may come back to bite them later. It would also depend on how close the family was previously. My family, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, were all very close. We are separated now by miles as well as differences of opinions. I have always been close with my sister who was the 1st to leave, long ago, and have recently become extremely close to a younger cousin who is no longer in. We email almost everyday and get together occasionally. He recently said how fantastic it was that we have gotten close because it is nice to have someone to talk to about all the crap that no one else (unless they were former JWs) would understand. He knows his brother and SIL recently had issues with the Witnesses, but is not sure of their status. I don't know why he is reluctant to come out and ask him, although his brother is the type to tell things like it is. He was never a strict Witness anyway, so I don't think asking would hurt, but I don't know, I really think it is the mindset that was "inculcated" (I hate that word) into us. It really should be something to bring us together, this feeling of freedom and escape, and as you say, common ground.
Some people want a complete break with the WTS; other family members who left could be a constant reminder of a sad time. Also, sometimes we exaggerate any closeness with them, having DNA in common and abuse from the WTS might not be a good foundation for a relationship. Consider if the only thing we discuss with them is about the WTS.
Thanks SafeAtHome for your comment, it makes sense, I think if you were closer as a family before you left there's more chance of regaining that closeness with any members of the family that leave in the future.
Blondie, yes, you're right, some want a complete break with the lifestyle, even if that means ignoring other family members who have left. It just seems strange to me. It's almost in reverse, like when we were witnesses there could be nothing better than having other witness family members, but my family who were all JWs at one time couldn't stand each other - I suppose I expect too much of people after they quit.
IMHO, the most simple expalanation is the extreme variety among ex-JWs.
Let's list just a few of the different types of ex-JWs.
1. Still captive, but not active. Believe it's either God's Organization, or better than all other religions.
2. Disfellowshipped, living in fear of Armageddon, but no intention of returning
3. Inactive, know it's not the truth, but wants to maintain contact with people still inside; cannot give any indication that he's an apostate
4. Disfellowshipped, living in fear of Armageddon, wants to return or open to the possibility of returning
5. Disfellowshipped, confused; have not deconstructed the cult experience, unaware of the ex-JW community
6. Out of the organization, member of a non-Evangelical religion
7. Out of the organization, member of an Evangelical religion; seeks to help save others
8. Out of the organization, atheist, agnostic or apatheistic
9. Out of the organization, depressed
These are just a few of the categories. So, it's easy for me to imagine that many of these classes of people who have almost nothing in common.
I'll add to that
10. Out of the organization, depressed and living at home with JW parents
Leavingwt is so right. I still have a family member that I hang out with but if I say something about the Watchtower he gets so defensive. Even though he is inactive and didn't go to the past convention. But at least he still talks to me.
I don't know if this strange phenomenon is unique to my family but it seems that those who have left the truth have little to no interest in reaching out to those family members who have also left the religion.
It's easier to reach out to EX members you don't know I have noticed. There is this one woman from my old congregation that I been meaning to go see (she left way before me), but something about going over there gives me anxiety to think about. It's unwarrented since she is a sweetheart and has two kids I would like to meet... there is just some sort of mental block. Maybe fear of reopening old, or freshly healed, wounds.
-Sab
If an ex-JW has even ONE single JW that he or she would like to maintain contact with, then he must be careful to NEVER say anything negative about the organization. This alone, makes associating with ex-JW or associating with people critical of WT, an impossibility.
So am I an oddball? First thing I did when leaving the Borg was reconnect with "worldly" family, including DFd, DAd, and never-dunked.
I didn't realize the topic of this thread was a common phenomenon. Is it really?
