how do we exdubs deal with family still in?

by bigmac 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • wobble
    wobble

    I just see them when necessary , and we just talk family small talk, but I am not DA or DF, so they don't see a problem, I do, I have nothing in common with them.

    A couple of great thoughts above,

    Shamus: "Wathtower is crack, they are addicted to watchtower...."

    I would have little to do with a family member addicted to crack cocaine, good point.

    Jamie Bowers "The indoctrination is bad enough........ these people are not even aware of the paedophiles in their midst"

    The attempt they will make to indoctrinate your children is rape of the child's mind.

  • punkofnice
    punkofnice

    I don't know! Is the answer I'd give.

    Mrs Punk is rank and file and even more zealous than when I was in!

    I can't talk about the GB's lies or out of context scripture to her as she simply WON'T listen. I get the 'talk to the hand' accompanied by: 'I'm not listening to anything negative about MY oranization!'

    It strikes me that she doesn't mention God but 'organization'. As mentioned above, it's addictive crack.

    I talk to my Mum and fair play she listens. However, no matter what I say, no matter what positive proof I show her that it's just a cult and lies are told by the GB she says: 'Oh, that doesn't matter. We have the 'truth', come back to the meetings...you'll enjoy them!'

    My family WON'T accept I'm a happier person now I've left the cancer of the WTB$ and they continually look for reasons why I'm depressed because I don't have 'the truth' or I no longer have 'a hope for the future'.

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

  • lohengren
    lohengren

    This is something I worry about. I haven't come out to my family as an athiest yet, but I am certain I will be totally shunned by them.

    They are already talking because I haven't been to a metting in almost 2 months.

  • WontLeave
    WontLeave

    I've been shunning my JW family for years, even before I joined or lost interest in the religion. They thought after I joined, I'd be as thick as thieves (appropriate analogy) with them. JW members of my family are all sociopathic trash and I don't give them bonus points for being JWs or being related. Whenever they're trying to use me - or some other non-failure in the family - they pull the "blood is thicker than water" argument. Odd, that doesn't matter when they're stealing grandma's jewelry or emptying their minor children's bank accounts because they're too lazy to work. This is such a touchy subject with me and brings out extremely unChristian feelings. I try to avoid thinking about them, so I can keep a cool head.

    @punkofnice

    My not-quite-as-opposed wife is starting to notice that about her JW family. For people who talk about religion all the time, they never mention God, Jesus, or the Bible. Everything is meetings, literature, organization, conventions, service, etc. They jockey so hard for appearaces and positions in the group, but don't give a pile of dingo's kidneys about their relationship with God.

    I try to talk with JWs who come to my door (Mormons, too). I've noticed many times from my own experiences as a JW that Witnesses can endure no end of atheists insulting belief in God or questioning the very existence of Jesus. They don't bat an eyelash to someone degrading the Bible as a book of fairy tales. But let someone question their devotion to the "Governing Body" and suddenly they're running for the hills while spouting negative epithets.

  • nugget
    nugget

    In a rational world we would have a right to expect unconditional love from family. They know the very make up of us and have been an active part in making us what we are. In extreme cases family would cut off members who commited heinous acts but under normal circumstances family should be there when you need them.

    In JW world the group demands total obedience it has such a tenuous grip on truth of any kind it cannot afford to let people who leave sow seeds of doubt. It sets itself up over family and creates a false world where they can make unrealistic and cruel demands and yet be seen by members as rational loving people. I place the blame squarely where it belongs and the ones in control are the ones I despise.

    With family I behave the same and make no adjustments in the way I treat them. I also mentally wait for those still in to come to their senses and I will be overjoyed if they do. I accept that they cannot help themselves at the moment that they are controlled by people who are very good at what they do. This does not mean that I don't resent the inconsistencies and technicalities that they apply in who they choose to speak to and who they don't. It also doesn't mean that I am not hurt when they take such relish in applying the rules going beyond sad acceptance to zealous enforcement. But I also know I will forgive because they are still trapped and wasting their lives and I am free of the nonsense. I love them but they are grown ups and have to make their own choices.

    I am building relationships with my children giving them real family life where they get the love they need and finding friends who are not conditional on belief. This is the price we pay and the reward we get. Outsiders will never get it totally because getting it means it is rational and explainable. Their reaction reinforces the idea that this is madness, unnatural and unloiving.

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    True liberty includes the freedom to do stupid things.

    Especially in the case of 90-year-old man, you're almost certain to discover what I discovered years ago.

    "Grown people are going to do what they want to do."

    All relationships end. This one has ended a bit prematurely.

    I'm sorry for your loss.

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    Welcome lohengren!

  • skeeter1
    skeeter1

    Nugget - what a wonderful post!

    Skeeter

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    I faded rather than df'd or da'd myself in order so I could talk to my family. It has worked for me. I'm the only one in my immediate family to have left the JWs.

    To keep the peace, we basically talk about anything BUT the JWs.

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