At what point in time did you lose your confidence in yourself?

by sabastious 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • sabastious
    sabastious

    That's what the Watchtower wants OUT of you! Your confidence in yourself.

    One can be confident about one's profession, or what have you, and still lack ultimate confidence in one's self.

    Fairly recently I had a personal revelation and felt a connection with someTHING greater than me. As I headed out my driveway, after the morning it happened, to work I felt an overwhelming urge to call an elder in my old congregation. I consider him a dear friend and a mentor to this day. His wife is also Bi Polar II and my wife and I connected with them deeply on that level as couple to couple. Our perspectives were very similar except they were 25, or so, years older than us which was appealing to my wife and I.

    He was the first person I thought about as I backed out of my driveway in my car that day. So I picked up the phone and called him out of the blue. It was pretty frightening to just do it like that and part of me wanted to hang up that moment and drive away. Yet, something urged me to stand firm and wait for a reply and, to my horror, he actually picked up his phone. I told him hello and got straight to the point. I asked to see him and said it was important. He had this really suspicious tone and asked "What do you want to talk about?" Or something to that effect. I told him that it was about "my place in the world and God." He replied with, "Well, that's a good thing." I then told him to come to my house at the end of the week (Friday) and he agreed. I didn't ask him to come alone, but it was kind of obvious I was calling him as a friend and not as a publisher. At least I had hoped that he would get that hint because I didn't want to just outright ask him to come alone. I have nothing to hide so I shouldn't be acting like I do.

    That friday came and went and I to be honest I was kind of crushed. He just totally blew me off and never told me why. I remember that Saturday morning thinking: well, that was the try and the answer is clear.

    There was a shroud of hope though, he was a flake. He could have just flaked out and still meant to make contact in an inappropriate time in the future which is what acutally ended up happening. It was a miracle and I felt pretty sheepish for getting all "emo" about it.

    He appoligized for flaking like he must do so often; he's a busy man. A Jehovah's Witness Elder and husband to an ill wife scanario is pretty much a cruel and unusual punishment sentence. I have always felt for him and respected his want and drive to help others. Unfortunately the Watchtower has a huge pipe attached to his goodness and use the raw energy for whatever the f*ck they want. It reminds me of when elderly people get scammed in the mail because they get so wrapped up in the sob stories designed to get money out of their pockets. Instead, with the Watchtower, they make you errect buildings for them instead of just asking you to put a check in the mail.

    So we rescheduled for the next Friday and he actually made it that time. We talked until 10:30 at night for about 3 and a half hours. I could tell he really sympathized with the position I was in. I figured he thought I was off my rocker because he knew how Bi Polar goes. And he has a valid point: I am crazy and anything I believe should be subject to scutiny.

    I told him the whole story of my "revelation." I told him that I feel connected to God without the Watchtower. I told him that Jesus' greatest commandments require love of self in order for any of it to work. He understood this, but kept telling me that he hated himself. He told me that he could follow every rule God gave him unless it was to love himself because he feels he can never do that.

    For the most part what happened was what I wanted to happen. I had a friend over. Why is this such a hard task? I like to talk to him and joke with him and his wife. We relate and have fun and I missed that. When he left he said he wanted to bring his wife by sometime. I was shocked, but then again not surprised because I know this guy is the real deal. He's a lover and not a hater, lol. I knew that he was just being nice and we both knew he would not return (unless with a judicial committee), but it's the thought that counts.

    Love of ourselves is the ONLY thing God can't help us with. We are on our own in that single regard. If we start getting down on ourselves for our own reasons God doesn't have anything to do with that. It's ALL on us.

    Witnesses have self confidence on loan from the Watchtower. My friend has none (anymore). The thing about my friend is that he was not born in. He came into the Organization in his late twenties (my current age). He had time to cultivate a healthy self confidence, but for whatever reason, he didn't feel he was doing it fast enough or good enough. So he let someone else have the reins. Not God. God doesn't spoon feed self confidence because he can't.

    -Sab

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    The start of 2nd Grade when my family moved to a new city and I started at a new school.

    I didn't know how to interact with the new kids and have had a hard time in social situations ever since.

  • BluesBrother
    BluesBrother

    I told him that Jesus' greatest commandments require love of self in order for any of it to work. He understood this, but kept telling me that he hated himself. He told me that he could follow every rule God gave him unless it was to love himself because he feels he can never do that.

    I am amazed that he had such low self-esteem,perhaps the result of family trauma?

    I could not find it written down but certainly it has been said many times from the platform that we must know how to love ourselves in order to love others..

    Being a Witness does though make one totally dependant on "The Society" for guidance in how to think, on any moral issue . You cannot have confidence in your ability to reason . One has to think as you are told to think. Casting off the shackles is SO liberating!

  • sabastious
    sabastious
    I could not find it written down but certainly it has been said many times from the platform that we must know how to love ourselves in order to love others..

    Lip service.

    There is a reason why the Adam and Eve story is so often studied or referred to in the Watchtower world. It's the shakespearean tragedy of the Bible: the perfect tool to induce depression. Depression is caused by lack of faith in one's self.

    -Sab

  • SweetBabyCheezits
    SweetBabyCheezits
    At what point in time did you lose your confidence in yourself?

    I'd say when I wet the bed at 17. Do you know how hard it is to recover from something like that?

    Serious answer: Nice post. You're right, the WT strategically removes self-confidence and replaces it with WTBTS-confidence to develop WTBTS reliance.

    When I realized six years ago that the WT was not supported by a divine being and that I was responsible for my decisions, I was forced to develop some confidence. Granted, I still don't like to put too much trust in my "gut feelings" but I certainly have more confidence in my own ability to reason and make decisions than I have in the WT heads.

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    My confidence ans self esteem was destroyed gradually from birth.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    My self confidence was slowly and painfully robbed from me from 5yrs of age until 44 yrs old . Anytime I began to show the slight bit of self confidence it was drilled into me this was a bad thing called PRIDE ,and that I should remember I was dirt . I grew up thinking I was a bad person because inside my head I wanted to be better ,I wanted to follow my own thoughts ......I wanted to excel at something ,but was told the only acceptable goal for me should be theocratic goals . Because I didn't desire those goals I must be a very bad person . For a very longtime I gave up my independent thinking and followed along with what I was told to do .....this is the sure reciepe for an unhappy life .

    Being taught what to think instead of how to think is the greatest disservice to young people growing up JW.

    Six yrs and counting on rebuilding a healthy self confidence .....

  • undercover
    undercover
    At what point in time did you lose your confidence in yourself?

    If you're raised in the JW religion, it's quite possible, probable even, that there was never any self-confidence built up to lose. From the time you could read as a toddler the carrot was always dangled just out of reach...yet you were never quite good enough to grab it. Years and years of reaching, but not quite attaining does not build confidence or self-esteem. It does the opposite. You start to doubt your ability, your faith, your zeal. Your not quite good enough. Compound that with being isolated from the world around you...the world that is evil and will eat you alive if you even try to taste of it and soon enough your spirit is broken.

    The sad part is that most JW don't know they've been broken. They're going through the motions, reaching for that carrot, avoiding anything evil and they "think" they're doing alright, but if they were to stop for just a few minutes and actually do some self examination, they could easily see that something isn't adding up.

    I think another question for ex-JWs, and those fading, is" At What Point Did You Start to Gain Confidence in Yourself?

    When we first start to exert ourselves in actually researching the JW religion or the WT's history, we were afraid. But as we learned more and our eyes opened up to the realization that we were being duped, our confidence grew. We weren't crazy. We weren't "weak". Our suspicions were warranted. In time that confidence grows to the point that you can confront your past and maybe those that dragged you into this crazy cult religion. We may have lost our confidence while in...if we ever had it; but along the way on our exit we regained it... or for some of us, gained it for the first time.

  • Perry
    Perry

    Right before I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior. Later, I realized that all born again Christians do this.

    Nice post btw.

  • TotallyADD
    TotallyADD

    Sabastious my wife and I was talking about this during lunch. Since I am a born-in I would say since I was a little boy up until two years ago. When I ended therapy. I have been building my self esteem ever since. My confidence in myself comes and goes. It is a work in progress. The cult took alot from me and my wife. Totally ADD

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