Parodying Theocratic words!

by TimothyT 23 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  TimothyT

  Bile and Trash Society - I like that one!

  PUNK - THINK OF SOME MORE! I suck at this kind of thing.

  Make some new Watchtower covers too. They are well funny!
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  punkofnice

  Tim - I've produced a PDF washTowel and Asleep! with the aid of forum members.

  I am now working on a study book......'appreciating the grand privilege'

  Here's a snippet.................

  Chapter 3 Obey the Governing Body in matters of hygiene!

  1. How happifying it is to walk into a clean bathroom with a comforting aroma of pine disinfectant. But what happens if the lavatory gets blocked with excrement? How should true ‘obeyers of the Governing Body’ react? What happifying scriptures can be taken out of context the Bible for our efficaciousness?

  2. Andre, a fictitious brother from New York was horrified to find that the ‘head’ or ‘throne’ at his work place was blocked with ‘dookies’. What would Andre do to show praise to the Governing Body who are higher than God? (Matt 24:45).

  3. Andre considered the articles in the washTowel and his Bible trained conscience came into play. Andre remembered that we are indeed deep into the ‘time of the end’ when Jar Hoover will lovingly murder all those that do not accept the Governing Body as their only God. He reasoned that blocked ‘Khazis’ are indeed a sign that the end is SOON*. At Mark 13:14 it states: "But when you see the unclean thing which makes destruction, in the place where it has no right to be…" Yes. It is logical to conclude the very ‘Bog’ that Andre had seen was in fulfilment of Jesus’ words here recorded. ‘’I recalled,’’ said Andre or whatever the hell his name is; ‘’the scripture clearly stated to ‘let the cleaner use detergent and let all those…begin fleeing’!’’

  4. Proof that hygiene in the ‘Loo’ has been a theme running through the Bible is also seen in these inspired words: "Nothing outside a man can make him 'unclean' by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him 'unclean.'" Mark 7:15 (NIV better than the NWT Not Well Translated). Clearly the last days, when the cleaners arrived
  revelation 7:13-15 (paraphrased JW style); ‘’Then one of the elders asked me, “These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?” Evidently, as an expert Mr Nevermind commented, (although we won’t tell you where he said it or what he’s an expert in), ‘’It is clear that these ones in ‘white robes’ are the cleaning staff or janitors.’’ How do we know? The scripture continues in verse 14 ‘’I answered, “Sir, you know.” ....“they are before the throne".

  5. Other proofs of ‘Crapper’ cleanliness can be found in the happifying scriptures from ancient times. 1 Sam 2:14 gives us clear instructions how to remove a 'lavatorial' blockage for it states : ''....and would plunge the fork into the pan....'' Matt 3:13 evidently shows us that a sanitised Khazi or 'John' is clean enough to be craptized as a Jar Hoover's witless in: [ The Baptism of Jesus ] ''Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John.'' In the original Greek the word (In-bog-us), 'by' can be translated 'in the' so it is logical to conclude whatever 7 greedy men in Brooklyn command us to believe. Chosing a clean toilet was illustrated where Joseph noticed his father going to a blocked lavatory or as the ancients called them 'heads'. This fartwarming account is recorded for us in Genesis 48:17
  ''When Joseph saw his father placing his right hand on Ephraim’s head he was displeased; so he took hold of his father’s hand to move it from Ephraim’s head to Manasseh’s head.'' How do these thrilling Bible accounts serve to teach us Jar Hoover's ways? How should we react to such stimulating 'Bogly' wisdom? The answer is simple: Obey the Governing Body or Jehovah will lovingly murder us SOON*

  *(Terms and conditions apply and are subject to 'overlapping' or ‘New Light’™or which ever makes the GB look much higher than God!)

  Questions for consideration.	Chapter 3
  How many paragraphs are there?	Numbers 5:5
  What will happen to you if you do not obey fully the Governing Body and clean their toilets?	Matt 24:45
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  discreetslave

  I can answer Question 2 I've cleaned the toilets for Klein, Swingle, Sydlik, & Losch. Sore Knees
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  punkofnice

  @discreetslave - Your reward will be great!

  @tim - Literal-trash = literature

  Craptized = baptized

  7 headed beast or 7 paedo protectors = GB (Grovelling Baddies)

  Nonvention = Convention

  A$$€m ? £¥ = just to high light the need for credit card donations!!

  Charlie Tazers-a Rissole = Charles Taze Russell

  Oily Bile = NWT (Not Well Translated)