You have lost your job and your house, your down to your last $1,000. How will you make out at the end of the month?

by purplesofa 130 Replies latest jw friends

  • corpusdei
    corpusdei

    If you have kids, a one bedroom won't do.

    Why not? Is leg room somehow more important than living within your means? A dear friend of mine (who also had a less than "fortunate" background) went through a time when her family of 5 lived in a small, 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom trailer. They were there until they were able to work through their financial difficulties and grow responsibly. I'm sure it would have been a huge relief to move into a bigger place (I remember the place, it was cramped and it got chilly in the winter), but they made do. They didn't move until they knew they could afford it, and that they wouldn't put themselves in a place where they would risk not being able to provide the necessities to the kids. Until that point, they didn't sacrifice necessities for comfort. Comfort and luxuries went first, her own at the front of the line, in order to make sure her kids were fed and cared for, and she did it as long as she had to. She's a long way past that now, thankfully, but even since then, that sense of frugality and prudence allows her to spend more time with her kids now than most parents could ever hope for. I've always been amazingly proud of her for that.

  • sammielee24
    sammielee24

    -Corpus - kudos to you.

    But you of all people then, should understand that not everyone is as able or capable of getting out from under a rock. Humans are just that - human, and it's those human foibles and comlexities that make us or break us. For every person able to move up and on and past, there are 10,000 more that simply can't. Anyone who has been in that position generally accepts, acknowledges and understands that.

    Most also fully comprehend that 50% of kids who grow up in abusive, drug filled or alcoholic homes will repeat the same pattern. It doesn't make them lazy, pathetic, idiotic or necessarily entirely responsible for their own choices, because we are all a product of our past in some way, shape or form.

    It's too easy and simplistic to say that a kid who was raped as a child should just buck up and move on because you did. It's too easy to blame her following actions from a lifetime of sexual abuse, jumping into an early marriage and having children to an abuser, solely on her and then whip her for those decisions when she fails society. Too easy. It's too easy to assume that just because you can't see pain and struggle, that it doesn't exist and for good reason.

    I find the libertarian point of view rather stone cold and simplistic. Life is not like that. Those of us who have endured whatever hardships along the way generally have more empathy - we don't necessarily always absolve people for their choices but generally we can recognize that all people are not strong. Those young JW kids who commit suicide from being shunned - poor choices? Perhaps the only choice they could see as a way out of a lifetime of pain and the hopelessness of a future with nothing to lean on from the past - is their death a poor choice or a symptom of their situation created by their environment? One thing is certain, we need to judge less harshly and instead of individual liberty, we need to realize that we do not live on an island alone....at some point in life the vast majority of people will want or need someone in their life....A lot of people never ask for help, they do not depend on the government to run to their aid, they try to survive alone - some make it, some don't.

    Going back to your original point - being poor isn't about making poor choices all the time. Like I said - poor choices can evolve from circumstance or environment. Suviving a bad situation can be equal parts of luck, opportunity and will or ability - sometimes it's a matter of looking outward for help to get over a hump and help you survive while things turn around and there is nothing wrong with that - even if that help comes from government, school, neighbor, friend or community.

    You should accept that you did start out in life with an advantage. You had the capability and ability to become self aware and the intelligence to act in a way that would change the course of your life. To think that everyone is capable of the same things is not logical else all people would be survivors of all things and they are not. sammies

  • NewChapter
    NewChapter

    Well, FIRST, there are laws. in our area, children over a certain age of different sexes can't share a bedroom. This is for renters---what you do in your own home is different. But a landlord cannot legally underhouse a family. So if I wanted to rent out a 2 bedroom house to a family of 3 with a 12-year-old boy and a 11-year-old girl, I would be breaking the law. Also, there are laws, based on HUMANITY that do not allow you to rent a tiny place to any number you wish.

    And some people's situation never improves enough. Some never really can get better jobs---maybe they don't have the ability or the circumstances. Maybe health problems prevent them from doing more. I know, I know---why would I care about particulars? So the fact is, the situation is not temporary for many of these families.

    NC

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    "...being poor isn't about making poor choices all the time. Like I said - poor choices can evolve from circumstance or environment. Suviving a bad situation can be equal parts of luck, opportunity and will or ability - sometimes it's a matter of looking outward for help to get over a hump and help you survive while things turn around and there is nothing wrong with that - even if that help comes from government, school, neighbor, friend or community."

    Coming from personal experience I totally agree.

  • charlie brown jr.
    charlie brown jr.

    Well I don't need (like many) to see how I'd do.......

    been Homeless!

  • Shador
    Shador

    I made it with $289. Of course, my car is likely to be repossessed, the rent is due, and my tooth is rotting out.

  • charlie brown jr.
    charlie brown jr.

    Charlie... you look great!!! You lost alotta weight.... what kinda diet are you on????

    STARVATION!!!! Lost 90 lbs in 3 months!

  • Robdar
    Robdar

    I've seen hard times too. My first husband didn't believe in paying child support and it was difficult filing charges against him in Alabama for defying an order of child support from Missouri.

    I bought my clothes from Goodwill so my son could have new clothes for school. I clipped coupons and spent wisely on nutritious food to eat. I even took in a border. I am glad neither one of us got sick because I didn't have health insurance.

    I just realized that when I was poor, I didn't feel poor. Of course, I was young and strong back then and it seemed almost like an adventure. My son told me not too long ago that he had a happy childhood and that I was a fun mom. He remembered us going to the park, flying kites, playing basketball, hide-n-go-seek, chase, swimming in a stream, wading in fountains, going to art galleries, free movies and concerts. Sometimes we just walked around the ritzier parts of town dreaming of the day we could leave the poor side.

    However, I realize that not all people are in good health, not all are young and strong. Life is a wheel and sometimes shit happens. Sometimes very bad shit happens. I believe that everybody deserves a helping hand when down on their luck. Maybe not a free ride, but definitely a helping hand. What harm can come from loving your neighbor?

  • charlie brown jr.
    charlie brown jr.

    Robar you are so right................

    I am SO GLAD I WENT thru what I did...............

    I was alone..... at the time (not by choice) but Damn if I didn't learn alot about myself and what I could go thru....

    Best experience ever.......but would never want it again.....but if it did happen...... Bring it ON!!!!!!!!!! LOL

    And the helping hand came when ..............

    you needed it most!!!!!!

  • journey-on
    journey-on

    I don't believe there is a person alive that disagrees with your last paragraph, Robdar. We need good well-managed sufficient programs for those particular neighbors.

    I loved your personal story. It just goes to show you, you don't have to have money to give your children the important things. ((((Robdar))))

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