Quendi,
i don't understand this not-uncommon response to the suicide of an icon or friend.
I don't get it. How would you explain it?
Randy
So why did the organisation cause you anxiety or depression?
by TimothyT 25 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Quendi
That is a really deep question, Randy and one that deserves a thoughtful answer from me. I can't speak for others, of course, and I know you are not expecting that. I will try to relate my own case without becoming maudlin.
My best friend Tom and I were extremely close, so close it was uncanny. We had a kind of mental and emotional resonance that has been observed in identical twins. Mutual friends said they could almost see the electricity flowing between us. So his suicide was a great trauma for me to suffer even though I had seen it coming. I blamed myself for a long time and sank into the deepest depression I have ever suffered.
One reason for that was undoubtedly feeling that Tom had betrayed me. I thought how could he have hurt me so badly? Another reason was failing to understand why any Witness would take his own life. After all, didn't we have "The Truth", and wasn't that sufficient to give us every reason for living? Who wouldn't want to live forever in paradise on Earth? All we had to do to attain it was be good Witnesses and everything would take care of itself.
Now I had other friends and they all rallied around me after Tom's suicide. I was never left alone or forced to cope with the loss by myself. But the questions I had wouldn't go away. Furthermore, I was "disciplined" by the congregation at that time, being publicly reproved. Dealing with the suicide of my best friend and facing a judicial committee at the same time is not a healthy mix. That thought never occurred to the elders, but it appalled my therapist who rightly questioned the sanity and goodness of a religion that would act in this manner. I could make no defense for it either other than to say, "That's the way it is with Jehovah's Witnesses."
My therapist was very good. She got me to look at the religion critically without herself directly attacking it. She helped me to understand that Tom had made a bad choice, and that it was his choice, not mine, which ended his life. Another big help at that time was my dear father. He was not a Witness although he respected the religion. Yet he told me that one big problem with religions like Jehovah's Witnesses was the belief that they had all the answers. My friend had had serious issues before becoming a Witness, and those issues did not magically disappear once he was baptized. All Tom had done was suppress them. He hadn't dealt with them, and in the end they resurfaced with a vengeance. The religion proved hopelessly inadequate in dealing with them.
As it was with Tom, so it proved with me. While I never lost my faith in God, I had to understand that the trite answers the WTS often gives to serious questions are, as I later told the judicial committee which disfellowshipped me, "inadequate, incomplete, and insufficient". Getting into counseling, talking to non-Witness friends, and reading a lot gradually helped me to regain my mental and emotional balance. Even so, I had a long journey before me to find the happiness which eluded Tom. That came only after I made the decision to never have anything to do with the WTS again.
So I hope this answers your questions, Randy. I'm sorry if my answer was too wordy, but I have given the best one I can. I'll be happy to answer any other questions you or our friends have.
Quendi
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jamiebowers
For me it was the tacit approval of domestic violence withn the congregation. Even when my life was in danger, the Watchtower's answer was be a better wife and wait on Jehovah.
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No Room For George
There's never enough you can do on behalf of the organization, which means never enough you can do on behalf of Jehovah, despite Him being the all powerful entitity or being. Despite so much of it not making any sense what so ever, you can never question it. So despite your Spidey Senses going haywire, your common sense going ballistic, you can never question it. So you internalize everything, suck it up, man up so to speak. Regardless of how you deal with it, your mental and emotional capacities are suffering. The body is truly wonderfully made, I believe that. I'm not sold on evolution, although I'm not entirely sold on creation as taught by the WT either. As the old saying goes, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Regardless of whatever one believes, when the immune system is suffering, the cardiovascular system is taxed, just like the neurological system is taxed as its responding to supply and demand. When we as individuals sacrifice our consciences on behalf of an organization that's running amuck of all that is natural, something has got to give, and usually our emotional and mental state are on the front lines. Hence, so many JWs are on antidepressants, and antipsychotics, or funcitional alcoholics, myself included. Guilty as charged.
I stood on the platform this evening, this very evening, and did a review on this past summer's District Convention. As The Friends commented, I thought to myself, "She's nuts", "He's on the verge of divorce", "He's a step away from losing his so called privileges", "How many times have I played this charade?", "Oh I hate the way she calls herself flirting with me", "I swear their children are more mature than they are", "Why does this part seem like Deja Vu?", "If an announcement is made tonight that the COBOE needs to see us after the meeting I'm going to cut my throat with a butter knife", "No I don't want tickets to the fukkin Zone Meeting", "God, why did a offer to take them home after the meeting?", "Why couldn't have been born Jewish?", "I took off all week from work for a so called vacation, and I'm wasting my life on this literature offer bull shit and shepherding calls", etc..
All of that stuff wears on you. Tommorrow night I've got a meeting to attend regarding a dysfunctional and manipulative family. Imagine for one moment, that Megatron was a father, and Evil-Lyn was a wife although not attractive by any means, and they had 4 children. The one daughter is pretty much the brat on Mad Men who takes after her childish and manipulative mother. The other daughter is good hearted like Johnny Quest, but immature and short sighted and so gets herself into trouble. The son is like one of the thugs or felons you see on MSNBC Lockup. The youngest boy is too young to catagorize just yet, but if statistics are something to be taken seriously, well he'll be on the History Channel's Gangland, or MSNBC Lockup sometime in the next decade or so. On top of that, I promised my Grandmother I'd do dinner with her, just me and her, and I'm supposed to be cooking and preparing it. Somehow I've got to shuffle all this shit and make it work. It always works out, it always does, but to be honest, I don't know how it could be done without pills and alcohol. Thank Jah for Coconut Ciroc, Mandarin Absolut, Alprazolam, and Temazepam. Ohhh, I almost forgot, and a very good experienced while attractive CRNP. Internal Medicine and Psychiatrists are overrated, and a word of advice from me, if you can, schedule an appointment with the CRNP if she's young. She's your's for the taking brother.
edit post: Jehovah doesn't need a house, or a temple, but guess what? LOL, He needs an organization in order to communicate to the whole fukkin planet!!!! LOL You gotta love it!!!!!!!!!
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OUTLAW
Funny Stuff Miz..Loved it..
So..Are you coming to some Decisions?..
..................;-)...OUTLAW
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TimothyT
Thanks everyone for your heartfelt comments. I think its fabulous that you are all here and that you are now building for the future like I am. :)
Just some interesting notes from your comments. It seems that the majority here went in for counselling because for one reason or another they were not allow to express their feelings. Every sense in your body was numbed and if you tried to use it you would be reprimanded. Consider it... you think too much about the doctrines - reprimanded. You want to listen to some music - reprimanded. You decide to go to uni - reprimanded. You decide to play a certain sport - reprimanded. You decide to meet some old school friends - reprimanded. There are so many unscriptural laws and rules within the organisation, no wonder the people within feel the pressure.
Also a number here have shown how they felt constantly inadequate. My dad would agree with this one. He was an elder for 10 years and is literaly a bible encyclopedia. He knows the lot... but he was always put down by others who had a sort of political agenda. Love, kidness and decency were put down and power, money and other things were put first. Like many here he was made to feel useless. Similarly, at conventions and assemblies we were often told that we just werent doing enough and we needed to do more. In terms of psychology and the mind, how exasperating is it when someone keeps moving the goal posts? Or how disheartening is it when you are struggling so much and someone comes up to you and kicks you in the shins telling you you arent doing enough. Where is the love?
Another big one mentioned here is the lack of love. We were taught that this was Jehovahs organisation, hence we expected to see it permeated by love. When you dont see it, and especialy when people are being hurt, it make you question the entire arrangement. If you are being personaly hurt then quite rightly the negative feelings and the positive loving image of the org dont correlate in your mind. Such things bring doubt and mental anguish.
Finaly, the other major influence mentioned here is pressure. Similar to inadequacy, the WTS seems to PILE the work onto those in charge. My dad could have done with counselling 10 years ago. When i look at his demeanour over the past 10 years, i can see how it all affected his health. He became so stressed, would often get dizzy and faint, would feel anger with others who annoyed him, often had to get up at 2am for an emergency shepherding visit, had to prepare every meeting, and bring up 2 boys as JWs. This led to his health worsening, at one point needing an operation which the doctor said was caused solely by stress. Similarly, every other elder and min serv in my cong was overworked and they often let it show... one or two being EXTREMELY BAD with nerves. I wished they would just give it up while they still could and step down at least to save themselves the stress.
Anyway, thanks for your comments.
Timmy