Don't make the same mistake I did (page 3)

dogisgod

Terry, I don't mean to be insensitive but "shit happens". Go out and get the movie, "The Butterfly Effect" with Ashton what=ever-his-name is. I go where you are sometimes. If only I had done this or that. You don't know what would have cascaded from one thing done differently and it may have gone even worse. Your wive was released from her personal demons. What ever happens in an after-this-life whether it is some other level of just the return of her energy she is free. I hope you can release this self imposed weight. It is totally human to feel as you do but it continues to drag you down and I'm sure your wife wouldn't want that. Live as much as you can. It's easy for me to say since I too beat myself up overa lot of past decisions and how unaware I was being a JW. You did the best you could have done with what you had. Pretty shitty to use a 4yr old as a control mechinism.

thetrueone

I think your biggest mistake Terry was resting your responsibility of looking after the health and welfare of your wife by leaving that

responsibility with a destructive backwards religious cult, known as the JWS. Now there's tangible and real reason why a person would and do

develop inner depression.

My own father had a similar perspective, with devastating and diminishing results pertaining to his own responsibility as a parent.

I can see where you might feel a bit guilt ridden concerning your ex-wife, and the tragedy that befell her but she had to take some responsibility

for her actions as well being an adult. Life goes on, we learn, we tell are stories, people listen and learn from other people's life experiences

and thats a good thing.

charlie brown jr.

Terry all the things we heard and "learned" damaged us.

We did what we thought was best for family, self ect.

Because your eyes opened...... You experienced things no one could Understand.

My eyes opened and My Children stayed with Jah and his Righteous Org.

They are grown up and haven't spoken to me in More Years that I'd like to admit...

As time goes by I see it clearer and lost my "guilt" for things I did or didn't do because of "Faith"

The Greatest thing about this Forum is..........

Their are some who "might" have an Idea of how you feel.

You are a Very Strong Person Terry...

and being here for almost 2 years I have read many of your comments and even thou we never met......

I respect you. And I agree.....

Don't beat yourself up

clarity

Terry, from day to day you are different from who you were before. We all are.

Remember how silly we were at 13, how wrong we were at 17? the bad decision at ........

Point is, we are what we are! It is what it is. And then we change again.

>

You are right, that Terry, was some other person.

>

Thanks for laying out all this stuff before us ... I'm sure many will take your message to heart.

I do like how you survived the tramma and stupidity of being imprisoned for ..................... for what!!!!!! An innocent man. How many have stood up to that?

A nd I like how you spend time and effort in thinking about your posts so that the points can be clearly seen. I appreciate that.

>

Whether I would have liked you way back when ......... doesn't matter, that was a different man and a different time.

clarity

techdotcom

I hear ya, I knew it was all bullshit for 10 years before I had the guts to say something to my wife. I just let my wife indoctrinate our kids and continue in it herself with as much support as I could stomach. I even attended the meetings for a couple of years toward the end just to hold our marriage together. After I talked to her and we were out (lots more detail than I will go into on this post) she confided that she had serious doubts about the time I stopped going to meetings....I missed an opportunity that cost us 10 years in that stupid religion and cost my two oldest kids some important developmental time. It could have cost us our family or worse. So even though your outcome was so much more tragic, I understand your feeling of guilt and shame, if not the magnitude.

That being said, while I carry that sense of responsibility, I also see that what I did whas what I believed to be the right thing at the time. To "live and let live", to show tolerance by example. But I also recognize my wifes own responsibility for her life and her decisions. While I COULD have known or seen her doubt and pursued it, I did not and felt it was wrong to tell another what they should believe. I would have even let her die with no blood, respecting that decision, even though I did not agree with it. I would not choose that based on what I know and have experienced since then but I still bear the knowledge of what I would have let happen.

Here's the thing, you do bear some responsibility for your lack of action, but your guilt is shared. Your wife made poor decisions and you did what you thought best at the time. I can not tell you how to live with that, but I can tell you that while you have a valid reason to feel the way you do, that you cannot, in fairness, be considered at fault. You did not cause her problems, you did not force her into making choices that ended so tragically. You could not have known all that would happen or undo what has been done, no one can.

You do have the opportunity to survive this, to learn from your and her mistakes and grow. Unlike what the witnesses teach, there is no perfect, you'll make more mistakes, often even after making a decision very carefully. Hang on and heal, for you, those who love you, and for all the rest of us that can use your perspective and wisdom that was hard earned. Fortunataly it sounds like you are doing just that.

Terry

Oh, I have to agree that the person I was at the time was too weak of character to make a difference.

What a JW thinks is heroic is becoming a victim. You know: dying for your faith or letting your family suffer.

Being noble is following orders. Refusing to DO rather than DOing.

I would have had no argument to present. It was just sort of an almost common sense realization that I was spinning my wheels at a Kingdom Hall and going door to door. I had worn myself out being "obedient" in prison and regular Pioneering. I was "up to here" with all that.

MOSTLY because you don't get any credit for it. No pat on the back or a "job well done." You are expected to fall on your sword on command.

I'd been there and done that. No thank you.

No brother or sister ever asked me question one about life in prison for the brothers. Nobody sent me a card. The Overseer never sent me a note saying "we are all prayng for you, Bro. Terry." Out of sight--out of mind.

I didn't get a "welcome back" from the platform either.

I realized I WAS INVISIBLE. So, why even bother to go?

These are my excuses, reasons, rationalizations and squrimy explanations.

But! I feel deep down inside----if I had another chance---I COULD say or do something differently that would make a difference.

I feel it. I sense it. Somehow I just know it. You know---like being anointed. You just KNOW.

When it came to something real and really important----I failed.

nateb

Thank you for this, Terry. I got my son out. The most important accomplishment of my life. I'll probably never be quite right thanks to the scars of life in a cult but he's got a shot and his kids will too even moreso.

As for beating yourself up, you did exactly what you could've been expected to given all that you'd experienced and been exposed to. That's all any of us do.

With love and respect.

thetrueone

The moral of the story is don't get manipulated and exploited by a corrupt maligning religious cult even if it does say its god's

own special chosen one and even if they do present a life or death situation.

There is long list of personal tragedies connected with this pretentious cult, including self induced suicides from not receiving offered medical

attention or suicides relating to emotional distress from break ups of families. To the realization of a life wasted on a false promises and

circumvented lies. Some of these tragedies are being told on this forum, Terry's is but one, there are many more.

jamiebowers

Terry, I hope every active but awake jw on this board reads this thread. I am so moved that I don't know what else to say.

clarity

{No brother or sister ever asked me question one about life in prison for the brothers. Nobody sent me a card. The Overseer never sent me a note saying "we are all prayng for you, Bro. Terry." Out of sight--out of mind.

I didn't get a "welcome back" from the platform either}

>

Omg, who knew that? I had no idea.

I was a normal person, before I got sucked "in"! And I wouldn't have thought for a minute that anyone going thru that ... would just be written off ... without even a word of kindness!! Or a word of encouragement for your sacrifice and isolation and pure waste of your youth!

Well, certainly not by gods only true religion anyway!

>

So what happens to the psyche in the "brain washing" procedure?

Does the person we were, just get erased .... like a beautiful colored garment, bleached continually until there is no more color, no more pattern.

With only a strangers voice in our heads, answering for us now. So hard to think or care about anything but service, and underlining the answers in the watchtower ..... funny the answers are all given there in the paragraph, but wait a minute .....they also give you all the questions!!!

Is it any wonder we do what we do ... while under the influence!

c

Don't make the same mistake I did

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