Compliment or criticism - what affects you most? (page 2)

rip van winkle

I like a compliment every now and again, but not flattery and I don't mind constructive criticism, but I hate to be misunderstood.

azor

I would first like to apologize for something I wrote on another thread to you edenone.

I try to live by the motto that real friends stab you in the front. It's not always easy but I do try to take criticism as from someone who told me something they didn't have to. Most people shy away from anything with a hint of unpleasantness.

I to am leary of compliments. I believe much of it is from being indoctrinated with the teaching that we are unworthy servants and have done what we ought to have done. This cult has taught us that individuals don't matter. It sucks to struggle with the continuous self doubt and self deprecating.

A compliment should be taken as just that. Praise and appreciation of who and what we bring to the table. Here's to you eden one and everyone else here who has had the courage to leave this cult and continue to help newbies like me recover. Thank you all.

Garrett

Personally, whenever someone compliments me, I feel like they are lying. Mainly because I've been given so many fake compliments. However, criticism is fine, I can deal with it and I rather someone criticizes me and tells me the truth rather than lie to me via a false compliment.

talesin

For many years, I was affected by both.

Compliments - what, ME? NO. I will never be good enough!

Criticism - you're right. I'm not good enough.

After years of working through different issues, I've finally come to the place where others' opinions make little difference. I know who I am, and am happy to be me. That is a healthier place to be.

xx

SonoftheTrinity

I learned in marriage class to always sneak a criticism in between two compliments, if you have to be critical. My teacher was especially insistent on that. My wife hates it when I do that.From what you are saying Eden I must remind her of the one the elders at her DF. She usually responds with unimaginative insults typical of a second language speaker who is forbidden to use curse words (though she murmurs the nastiest curse words her language has to offer) and also forbidden to attend college. She bluntly attacks my character, so that is when I start mixing condescending collegiate psychobabble with ghetto profanity in a furious masculine bellow. Think Dr. Phil's lovechild as a guest on Jerry Springer.

Oubliette

I find that I've become suspicious of compliments and over-sensitive to criticism. Because a common technique of Elders was to compliment someone before going down to business, that is, giving hard counseling or discipline.

Elders are actually trained to do this. One of my fellow elders called it "The Counsel Sandwich." Usually the "compliments" were contrived just so the elder(s) could give the offending brother or sister whatever "counsel" it was they thought they needed.

Elders don't know, appreciate or respect appropriate boundaries.

done4good

It is difficult for someone with a JW past to see either from a realistic perspective. The compliments we were given as JWs were often fake, about fake things, from fake people. Likewise, the criticism given was always under the guise of something due to "sinful" or "imperfect" tendency. Under such context, it is almost impossible for someone to see either for what they should be. We become distrustful of compliments, (and those who give them), and we cannot see criticism as an opportunity for improvement.

Compliments from sincere people are generally sincere. Criticism offered by sincere people is generally constructive in nature. The longer we are away from the "lie", the better we appreciate this.

Good OP.

d4g

Compliment or criticism - what affects you most?