My father and I have been going back and forth on Facebook in private messages. It had been since August that my dad had contacted me, before I was beginning to "come out" about not wanting to be a JW, and actually I haven't actually stated that to any of my family or JW friends yet, as I was hoping to do the fade thing.
Well I wrote to my dad and he has recently been very SR (self-righteous) lately and was copy/pasting "answers" to my questions right out of the WT CD-rom. I called him on it and asked him to speak out of his heart. Last night he sent me a message and since I went to bed early I didn't see it or respond quickly enough to his liking. This is what he said.
"Well, your silence tells me that you are inactive and are not going to meetings. Is it only that bad, or have you joined [my husband's] church? What does [my sister] and your mother know, and if so, what do they say? I'm hoping it isn't too late to say this, if you haven't joined his church probably by getting baptized there, please try to keep it that way. It's not a good thing to be inactive, but much worse to actually become a member of a false religion, worse than even immorality. It is called apostasy, and you will lose any and all FB friends that are Witnesses, especially family, and most distressing to me, even me. Am I speaking too late, or is there hope of you recovering? These are not threats, they will be realities if you should take that drastic action against us. I so hope I am wrong in fearing the worst. Can you please tell me truthfully what exactly is going on? Thank you."
Well I was flabbergasted. My last comment to him was of chiding him for not telling me to pray about it or go to the Bible for help and that he only copy/pasted WT articles to me without answering me from his heart.
So this is part of what I wrote back to him. Sorry it's so long. And by the way I never mentioned to him I wanted to join my husband's church or anything, the words I used are "spiritually digging." That's it! Things in brackets [] are things I didn't say to him but say to you guys to make it easier to understand our conversation.
"Wow are you jumping to conclusions. My silence was because I went to get my hair cut and went out to eat and when I got home I went straight to bed because I was tired, and my silence today was that I haven't bothered to turn on my laptop til now. Dude! I'm not joining his church or any church. [right now anyway, at least I never mentioned it to him] Don't assume anything about me "based on my silence" or my "attitude". I've been talking to mom, and even [my sister] yesterday. They know that I am just tired and I've always had a low self-esteem and I, like you and many others worry about getting destroyed, and they are allowing me to ask questions and though they base it on the publications they are also answering from their hearts, which is what I had hoped I'd get from you.
If I had started asking questions when I was perhaps 10 years old and was watching all the hypocrisy that was going on then[ ...] and it made me very angry and sad and again, made me have questions.
But, back then I truly believed you loved me and if I could have asked you questions back then, you would've sat me down next to you and looked at me with a worried face (you get those forehead wrinkles, you used to anyway) and said "Honey!" and not that fake voice you use now, "What's the matter? What happened that would make you ask these kind of questions? I think we need to pray about this first, and then you would have prayed out loud with me and then you would have really listened while I asked questions that now you would call me an apostate for?? Am I really so "mentally diseased?" Yes, I read that whole Watchtower article, that anyone that leaves the truth is an apostate and is "mentally diseased." True, that particular quote doesn't say exactly that but it's automatically assumed that if you stop being a JW (even an inactive one like me, though I've only missed about 3 1/2 months so perhaps I'm not even inactive officially) that I'm going around rolling in the aisles of churches and turning into a "rabid apostate" like that cousin of yours. When in reality I'm just confused about some organizational things, but instead of you or the family feeling concerned for me, and perhaps trying to comfort me and pray for me and kindly "readjust" my thinking, you are thisclose to turning on me?
That is certainly threatening but I don't view it as a threat. You are all so quick to turn on those you're supposed to love. I'm not even talking about mom because she's a different story. It's true [my sister] has said and done some terrible things but you are all so quick to block her and talk about her behind her back. [She's still an active JW] When I'm around you all I find myself doing the same things which is why I'm glad I moved back with my husband, where I'm supposed to be, at least now that I married "out of the Lord" anyway.
You want to throw around the word apostate just because I was reading a different Bible translation lately (for ease of getting my Bible reading done!) and I don't post my speeeeritual life all over FB (they've been telling us not to over and over again in talks, but I guess [my dad's mom] and [his sister] et al. haven't listened to those!) and plus I don't think it's anyone's business but Jehovah's whether not I make my hours or underline my Watchtower or even lay out my meeting clothes! Do I really want [my husband's] family to "become stumbled" about those type of things? Well then I'd surely be an "apostate" in your eyes, for leading them away form JWs! Then again it's "wrong" that I'm friends with them on Facebook, even though they're also my family now.
So go ahead and mark me, or even label me because you're so quick to jump to conclusions. You went for what, 8 years without speaking to me before? More? And mostly because mom turned us against you or outright refused to allow us to contact you because she was abusing us emotionally, physically, verbally and even spiritually. I only talk to her now because it's like she's a different person, at least outwardly. But you use defriending me on FB as a threat, oh I'm sorry, realities? I'm sorry, but it doesn't bother me. You all (perhaps the exception of [--] family because I didn't know them before, but I'm sure you'll be more than happy to turn them against me) have always been fair weather friends, or family. Quick to shun and even hate at the moment's notice or at even the assumption of any even minor wrongdoing. I'm used to it. Go ahead then, if that's what you see fit. I'm used to being ignored and even hated in this family.
I will leave you with this last thought: I thought we were supposed to imitate Jesus and show love to one another?"
*shakes head* I never mentioned anything about going to my husband's church or getting baptized there (I haven't) but he's ready to start shunning me already.