Let the shunning begin, apparently...(long-winded)

by lilbluekitty 13 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Scully

  With the exception of the FB stuff, that could be a letter I'd write to my JW relatives.

  Jumping to conclusions is par for the course with them. Geez, if you look at them sideways, they're ready to call you Bad Association™, or worse... and then the silent treatment begins.

  I try to handle it all in stride - when they start dropping like flies before Armageddon™ comes, they're the ones who will have wasted their entire lives on a stupid-assed cult, not me. Personal choice and all that.

  The healthiest way for me to deal with it is to just go on with my life, without them. They chose to shun. They chose to be out of my life, and I refuse to grovel and beg for them to be part of my life if they made the personal choice to shun me. I will not give them the satisfaction. I will not validate their beliefs by attempting to maintain a relationship with them that they have made plain they do not want to have.

  Chin up. We're all in this together.
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  jamiebowers

  The healthiest way for me to deal with it is to just go on with my life, without them. They chose to shun. They chose to be out of my life, and I refuse to grovel and beg for them to be part of my life if they made the personal choice to shun me. I will not give them the satisfaction. I will not validate their beliefs by attempting to maintain a relationship with them that they have made plain they do not want to have.

  That is exactly how I feel. Most jws are so tied up with the Watchtower cult that a normal relationship is next to impossible to have with them.
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  lilbluekitty

  After reading the "secret" elder's book (which I'm not supposed to read because I'm neither an elder nor a man!) I did see that certain things can be regarded as you DAing yourself like blood transfusions, joining another church, celebrating holidays. It's actually weird because it contradicts itself because it said in the book that only the person can do it (DA themselves) but those things I listed (among others) can get the brothers to DA you somehow. I dont' have the exact quote right now but it's weird.

  Anyways, my father did respond back, and not in a way I expected but he seemed sorry for jumping to such conclusions, etc. so I gave him some excuse that would show I'd not be around much and will just leave it at that, be very quiet on FB and try not to be too visible on sites my family knows about etc.
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  Morbidzbaby

  I feel for you. I myself moved 1800 miles away from my family and any JW's I knew. Only, I'm not married, I'm actually living with my bf...which alone could get me DF'ed, so it's kind of a secret of sorts. However, I don't make it a point to hide it like I did in the beginning. I post things about him and us on Facebook, I posted what we did for my birthday, and I will post about our Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas as well. I'm really at the point where I just don't give a crap. I love my parents, but my mom brought me into that f'ed up cult as a fetus...hell, I was associated with the JW's when I was still in her ovary. I didn't have a choice. My dad converted later on and stated (and I quote) "You know if you leave the Truth, we can't associate with you...if you stop going to meetings and decide to start hanging around with worldly people, we can't have anything to do with you". This from a man that I associated with and loved UNCONDITIONALLY even though he was "worldly scum" my whole life. I guess it's different when the shoe is on the other foot. I have had to accept that shunning me will be their choice if they decide to do it. And while sometimes it hurts, most days I'm okay with it. As it stands, my mom only calls once every 5-6 weeks and we speak for all of 5 minutes. Usually it's just her making sure I'm still alive and not lying dead in a gutter somewhere. The minute I mention my bf, she gets all quiet and decides she has to go. Whatever. He's a part of my life, a part of me, and if she can't accept that then I really don't need her, do I?

  If you worry about being found out, don't post on FB anything incriminating. If you just don't care anymore, do what you want. That's the great thing about personal freedom. You have that right and that power to choose. It's THEM that will make the conscious choice of whether or not to shun you. And, honestly, who needs people like that in their life?

  When I moved, I hadn't been to a meeting in a year...nor an assembly or convention, and I skipped the Memorial for the first time. I didn't give the elders any phone number or address, nor an area that I was moving to. The congregations here have no record or knowledge that I even exist. So, as far as they know right now, I'm off the grid. My parents have an address, but it isn't where I live. And of course, they have a phone number. I got so good at dodging the elders that I've made a habit of not answering unknown calls...and I don't bat an eyelash about it. I used to get nervous and have anxiety attacks, etc. Now it's just not an issue anymore.

  So, I guess just go on with your life and it's really your choice to post or not post what's going on in your world. Just know that whatever you decide to do will have to be what's best for YOU and not for anyone else.