Love amongst the "brothers"

by Thirdson 27 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  patio34

  Hi Thirdson,

  Thanks for bringing this up. I had been with dubs for 25 years. I got very sick with cancer and the cards, visits, and meals were plentiful. Everyone was so nice. Then, my ailments went on and guess what? No one visited. Then, the one JW who helped me so much rarely spoke with me unless i initiated it.

  My take on all this? That they were more than willing to do 'their Christian duty,' but i didn't mean squat to them personally. It wasn't that they loved me, just doing their duty.

  And most of the visits were in field service time, which i doubt they stopped.

  Since i dropped out a year ago, just one visit and one phone call.

  Personally, it seems to me they get fearful of someone who leaves for no obvious reason. Plus, one person knew that i was investigating evolution and being an atheist.

  Pat
• 

  Tatiana

  Something else I noticed is the big show they sometimes put on when others are watching. One good example of this involves my mother again. Several other sisters were involved, but my mom was the driving force. For a while, anyway, until it was no longer newsworthy.

  To understand a little of the story, you have to understand the town I grew up in. Very southern, very redneck, very segregated. I always hated it. Anyway, two Hispanic families moved into town. They were working at one of the farms picking cucumbers. Well, this was "new blood" to my mom. And the fact that most people in town ignored them made my mom try even harder. She started a study with them. And made sure everyone knew about it.

  You see, she had an ulterior motive. One of the woman's sons had a bad eye. He needed surgery. And they had no money to pay for it. At this time my mom wrote for the Georgetown Times Newspaper. So, she wrote a huge article about it. And how it was such a shame that he couldn't have the surgery. People were all fired up about it. She made sure to make it public that they were studying to be JWS. And that SHE was the one driving them to the doctor sixty miles away in Mt. Pleasant, (near Charleston) and SHE was the one who cared about them. And no worldly person had ever offered to help until her articles were written.

  Now...wait.....you might be saying to yourself! This was a good thing! What did she do wrong? Well, it would have been a good thing, if after she found out about two weeks later, that the lady didn't want to study anymore, she wouldn't have dropped them like a hot potatoe. Never saw them again. Or tried to help them. As soon as the lady told her she really didn't believe in the Jehovah's Witness faith, and that she wanted to remain Catholic, it was like they never existed. And the son wasn't even finished with his surgery. No more articles on his recovery. No more free trips to the doctor.

  I don't know what kind of love that was. But, of course, this is the same mother who never even came to see me in the hospital when I had surgery. And I wasn't 60 miles away. Only 15 minutes! I guess she wasn't going to get a newspaper article out of it! Or bring me back to the fold!

  Thirdson, thanks for the email. I'm glad you read my story. It seems to me if there were only a few isolated incidents of this lack of love, maybe I would have given it more of a chance. But, I saw too much in my own congregations, and now with everyone else's stories, to ever believe they have God's love within them.

  I'm glad we have two definitions of love.

  April

  If you bury the truth under the ground, it will but grow, and gather to itself such explosive power that the day it bursts through it will blow up everything in its way.--Emile Zola, J'accuse
  http://www.network54.com/Forum/171905
• 

  castlelover

  Well on May 5, 1994, a leading elder from my congregation came over and told my dying husband that he didn't have to worry he would take care of his family. My husband died that evening at around 8:00 p.m. This same elder gave my husband's funeral talk and it was awful and me still a JW thought it was awful. I was furious. He stood by me at the viewing etc. and acted all concerned.

  Did he ever call me again? Did he help my children as they dealt with the death of their father? Did he come and ask why we weren't coming to meetings? Did anyone come over to help mow the grass? Did anyone contribute anything to my family other than a few dishes from some? The answers to all of this is NO!!!!!

  I disassociated myself that same year.

  Well imagine I ran into them at a store just the other day and they said aren't you someone we know? Now I was in the same congregation with them for 10+ years. I look basically the same, right. Well I said yes you know me. Asked me where I was now? Boy they must have really been interested in helping my husband's family when they didn't even know where I was. They acted all friendly then and then came the question......Are you still in the way? Must be a new terminology we used to say in the truth. I answered absolutely not.
  I then offered them an out saying I'm sure this affects you talking to me. They said well no. Then asked me why and I just told them that I had no use for it anymore. But that I still had faith just not theirs.

  They hurried on then.

  To me if I made a commitment to a dying man that I would look after his family, I would. Where is the love that they say they practice? Don't know was never shown to us much over the 20+ years as a JW. Did they take care of my children and invite them to gatherings? No. Did they keep a deathbed commitment? No.

  Good riddens to them all their example of biblical love is disgusting.

  If I think of anything else, I reply later.

  Hope this is what you were looking for.
• 

  patio34

  Hi CastleLover,
  Welcome to the forum. Your story is outrageous and despicable. How could anyone make such a promise to a dying man and then do nothing. If that's not a lie, what is? It's a violation of something on the order of a sacred trust. I'm appalled!

  Pat
• 

  outnfree

  Thirdson,

  Newly moved back to the States from Canada, less than a year after settling in to the new congregation, I suffered a herniated disc.
  I was out of town at the time it happened and the ER doctor prescribed complete bedrest for 15 days. After my husband drove me home flat on my back in a van, the 'friends' heard about my predicament, and the wheels were set in motion for evening meals to be delivered and my home to be cleaned! What love! How nice! I remember being especially impressed that a young sister about 16 came and helped clean the BATHROOMS!!! (Can't get my own kids NEAR a toilet bowl -- LOL)

  Fast forward another four years... and now, after years of physical therapy and pain, I am finally going to have back surgery. The surgery is successful and, along with my non-JW husband, my JW-patient advocate friend is there when I wake up from surgery with a card. One of my two best JW friends is there early the next day with flowers and a card. NOBODY else from the Kingdom Hall comes, although I am in a local hospital for a few days... After my return from hospital, NO MEALS ARE OFFERED. NO OFFERS to do housework, either. Now, mind you, my worldly mother-in-law WAS at our house to help me with my four kids for the first 2 weeks post-op. Nonetheless, it was a six-week recovery period, with no bending, no lifting, etc. And besides my best JW friend who also visited me in the hospital, only one other sister came to the house to visit during my recuperation period (She brought a plant, too.) The P.O., who also happened to be my Book Study Conductor, called once, too. I told him I was okay until my m-in-law left, but no help was ever arranged later.

  What had changed? Not much. I wasn't even missing meetings yet or having conscious doubts! My take on it was that they were all out to impress me with their brotherly love when I was NEW at the hall (funny it's usually the sisters showing practical 'brotherly' love!). Once I was just good ol' Sister With Worldly Family Who Will Pitch In (although the nearest relative lives 500 miles away and my mother-in-law flew out at our expense to help us!), their "duty" was done. Let somebody ELSE show love!

  And somebody else did! The entire seventh grade at my daughter's Catholic school sent home hand-made get-well cards for Mrs. XXXXX!!!
  Those cards amused and touched me for days, especially knowing how difficult it is to get 12 year old boys to do ANYTHING of this sort!

  It ended up that I paid my JW girlfriend to clean house for me for the third and fourth weeks (she needed the money at the time, I needed the help, and she had already had back surgery, so was extremely empathetic) and then that was that.

  Just basking in the warmth of the memory here!.....

  NOT!!!

  outnfree

  It's what you learn after you know it all that counts -- John Wooden
• 

  Billygoat

  Out,

  The entire seventh grade at my daughter's Catholic school sent home hand-made get-well cards for Mrs. XXXXX!!! Those cards amused and touched me for days, especially knowing how difficult it is to get 12 year old boys to do ANYTHING of this sort!

  This really tickled me! A few years ago I used to teach a 4th grade Sunday School class at my church. I had emergency lung surgery and was in the hospital from a Friday to a Monday. That Sunday my co-teachers had the children create getwell cards for me. One of the children brought them by later that Sunday night with the help of her mother. 16 construction paper cards with crooked writing and funny pictures of me lying in bed with "xx"s for eyeballs. Hehehee! Still makes me laugh thinking of the hard work those kids went through to cheer me up. I have those cards packed away in my Memory Box somewhere.

  Andi
• 

  Angharad

  Welcome Castlelover

  Sorry for your loss. It really is disgusting the way they treat people.
• 

  zev

  with 40 years under my belt, coming up with a dozen shining examples of lust amongst out bretheren isn't to tough at all.

  but i'll give you one example of love.

  after i removed myself as a servant, and spent the next couple of years in cruise control...the c.o. was coming to visit. his was going to be a slide presentation. i used to run the sound dept. but since my resignation, i did nothing. i kind a liked it too. well, the p.o. decides, he needs his best man to run the sound, so nothing gets messed up.

  so, he asks ME to do it, instead of relying on his regular m.s. in charge of the dept.

  and who was i? no one. just a pleeb.

  how do you think that went over?

  do you think that m.s. felt the LOOVE?

  he was insulted and i couldn't blame him one bit.

  another example of brotherly love. (said in my best max headroom impersonation.)

  bend over rover, and let me show you the light of my love.

  -Zev
  Learn about the Wtbts and the U.N.
  ** http://www.geocities.com/plowbitch69 **
• 

  dyan4help

  I was baptized in 1975 while in an abusive marriage. I was given the hope that if I got in Jehovah's religion and prayed real hard that the God who invented marriage would fix mine. To make a long story short, things got worse for me and my 2 babies and when I asked for help the congregation told me they could not get involved. I took my babies and ran away. A worldly lady friend took us in and every time my husband came around her men friends would bounce him off the walls and send him on his way. I got the divorce and my ex would still come around and harass me. The men still jumped in and ran him off so I could work and walk the streets without fear. I went back to the kingdom hall and told the elders that I was divorced and where I was staying and who I was staying with. I told them my ex was still trying to hurt me. They told me they would disfellowship me if I continued to live with these worldly people and even called a meeting with other elders that I was supposed to attend. I didn't go and I never went back.

  Over the years I got married again to a really wonderful man and had 2 more children. Every place I ever lived, every time the company I worked for sent me to a new location the same elder from that congregation would show up. He told me all the other elders were gone and that Jehovah forgives me for what I did and that I need to come back and save the lives of my children. It really bothered me but I never went back. Between work and family I was too busy. The elder never gave up. In 1999 my husband died of cancer. I went to the elder at his home and told him. I was in pain, scared, and was thinking that if the only way I could see my husband again was in the resurrection I had to get right with Jehovah. I and my 2 small children went back to the same congregation I quit long ago. I stayed in the back room because the kids would break down and cry alot. The PO and his wife sat with me and tried to comfort us. Along the way the PO asked how I was set financially since I lost my job. I told them I had a life insurance policy on my husband. For the next 3 months it took for the check to come the PO's wife was with me at the meetings or at my house or on the phone with me helping me through my hard times or so I thought. They asked if the check came and the PO told me at the meeting he needed to speak to me on a very private matter and there were too many ears at the hall for him to talk. He needed to meet with me after the meeting. He said the congregation was trying to buy land for a new hall and needed good faith money to show the org. He said I would get it right back especially if I needed it in an emergency. He wanted it all. I said no. I offered $20,000.00 as long as I got it back. Oh, the things Jehovah was going to bless me with because this was a true sign of repentance on my part for being gone so long from Jehovahs org. THEN the next day he called me and asked how soon he could get the money. He said , by the way, I really the money first and he would put it back before the congregation missed it or needed it. The bible says it is better to give then to receive. You are supposed to help those who shepherd God's flock. The PO's wife wrote these very words in a contract between them and me for the money. This was a secret contract between us because the congregation could not know their PO had money problems caused from caring for the congregation. Right after this the PO and his wife were too busy to talk to me any more. After 4 months I asked about my money. They said they could not pay me all my money back at once like they thought so they wrote me two checks two weeks apart a told me to cash them and then they would give me more. I took the first check to the bank....it bounced. I called them and when they finally answered the phone, said I was to wait one month then try again. I waited a month and called them first to make sure the money was there and his wife said not to cash the check, the money isn't there. I said I want my money and was going to the bank anyway. She screamed don't you dare at me and hung up. She beat me to the bank and closed her account. I didn't know what to do. I am all alone. I went to their house and they would not answer the door so I sat in my car in front of their house and cried. A brother who is a good frien of the POs came by and saw me crying. He drove me home in his car and tried to talk to me. I told him what was going on. He did'nt believe me. He went back to their house and told them what I said. The POs wife came to my house and said I would get my money and to stop trying to start trouble. Not long after this the PO and this other brother started showing up at my house drunk and telling me about what bad wives they had and that no one in the congregation had any room to talk about any body. He had something on every one of them. He said I don't really know what it is like to be a witnesses. My neighbor who is a policeman would come over when they showed up drunk on motorcycles and asked me if I wanted him to run them off. I always made them stay on the front porch so the kids would not see them drunk. I was afraid to piss off the PO because of the money he owed me. They both started making sexual advances towards me. The other brother went home and told his wife what he was doing and she went to the elders. They called me into a meeting with them and I told them everything. One elder told me I was a fool to ever lend a witnesses money and that it was gone. He said Jehovah would not allow me to take them to court and defame his name. If I tried they would disfellowship me. If I had anything to do with the brother they would disfellowship me. About this time the CO came to town. He called me in for a meeting and I went through all of it again and gave him a copy of the bad checks and the contract. He went to the PO who said he knew nothing about any loan. His wife must have done it behind his back. The wife came to my house screaming at me that I have no idea what kind of damage I have done to her family. The other brothers wife threw him out and he said if I would let it all die down he would make all the repairs on my home that the $20,000.00 would have paid for. He thought he could smooth things over with his wife and fix his best friend the POs problems that way. The CO said the brother could not fix my house or come around me again. The brother blew up and said he had something on everyone in the congregation too and that no one was going to tell him what to do. He said he has helped other widows in the congregation and he could help me if he wanted too. The CO calls me on the phone with another elder on the line too and says, You know this brother was not really the Po. He had been replaced just before he borrowed the money. I asked him to tell me what the difference was between this religion and the other religions out there. He said there is none. I since have been disfellowshiped. The ex-Po or what ever he is, is still there in good standing. I recently asked for a meeting with the elders and gave them a list of watchtower articles and bible quotes about the borrower and the liar and the thief and asked why this man was still in good standing. The PO told me that I could research the watchtower cd all I wanted to. They don't go by what is said in there. He said they have their own book they go by. So much for Jehovah's kind of justice.

  I found this site several months ago and some very kind people gave me advice about getting help. I truly thank you. The court system is very slow and of course they are fighting me. I have no one else to talk to. I have not been able to tell my children what a fool this religion has made of me. I carry the shame in silence. Please beware anyone who turns to God when your love ones die. It leaves you open to be taken advantage of.
• 

  NameWithheld

  Wow dyan4help. What can I say - the emotional blackmail some people use, lording their position to take advantage of people during times like you were in. What a gleam in the eye this PO must have had when you informed him of the life insurance. And you being made to feel that 'god' wanted you to give him the $$$.

  I hope you and the courts nail him to the wall. I hope you retianed the contract, bad checks, etc!