Sparks are gonna fly in my home

by marriedtoajw 25 Replies latest jw friends

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  marriedtoajw

  As I've mentioned in a previous post, my wife has been sending mixed signals to me for years on what she does concerning violating JW rules. What I didn't mention at the time was that she has also gone through gung ho sprees from time to time. She is on one now. She is now insisting on taking the kids to the hall. I guess it was a matter of time but I'm so sick of the head games and the back and forth. I don't think I can take it anymore. Too much time has gone bye, too much has gone unsaid and for her to start up now is more than I can handle. I've been waiting for her to come to her sences but it's only getting worst.

  Her parents and sister are gung ho so I know she's definitely getting pressure. I sence that she really is trying to full speed ahead. I need advice cuz right now I'm about to lose it cuz she's now going after my babies and I refuse to let their heads get poisoned... Help!!!
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  NewChapter

  Sounds like this will die down soon---she is not consistent. Plan some really nice family things on meeting nights. Lure her away again.

  NC
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  ABibleStudent

  Hi marriedtoajw, I'm sorry that you are going through this with your wife. Have you read "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan yet? Reading CCMC and "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves" will empower you to tolerate and communicate with your wife better. You cannot control your wife, but you can control how you respond to your wife. If you have the money, take a mini 3-day vacation with your wife this weekend. You should be able to beat the Thanksgiving Holiday traffic and also help your wife to unwind from the WTBTS propaganda/indoctrination.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
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  moshe

  Unless your wife gets kicked out of the KH, this scenario might repeat itself again and again. Marriage counseling is a good plan, but hard for JW's to submit to. ( pride and all, gets in the way) Throwing down the gauntlet will probably have negative consequences for the short term. Be prepared- talk to a family law professional before you go and start breaking glass.
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  Iamallcool

  Be patient.
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  carla

  I know what you are going through to some degree, I am also a ubm. In my house when my jw first joined the cult he too wanted to bring the kids to a kh. That truly would have been over my dead body. I have not been successful in getting my jw to see the light but I sure as hell have been successful keeping my kids out of kh and did not allow him to indoctrinate my kids. I said that if he wanted to bring them to a kh then I would be exposing them to ALL the religions of the world every other weekend including Catholic, Lutheran, Buddist, Unitarian, etc..etc..etc... That worked, the mere thought of them going into a Catholic church was enough for him. You know how they hate Catholics more than any other group.

  Then, while he was at his numerous meetings (when they still had the other meeting night during the week) I would be on here and the kids would ask what was this place and what was going on, or we would discuss his goofy behavior or comments and why he thought the way he did and I am glad to say that they learned quite a bit about cults and jw-ism. I did not sit them down and have a discussion it all came about quite naturally in normal conversation (what ever that is in a house with a jw in it). My kids were quite interested in the young people that were here at the time (Richie for one) and the life they had as jw teens or young adults. (jw kids can't do sports?!! no band??! no this, no that???? what?? why?? they found it all quite sad and then when he wouldn't even say happy birthday to them well.... you can imagine after all their life of him loving b-days and holidays, I could go on)

  Protect your kids at all costs. Teach them critical thinking skills. Teach them to question even if they question your own thoughts and beliefs. Teach them to research and research some more. Be willing to sacrifice your own life or well being to protect these innocent children from spiritual abuse, physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse. At times you may feel like staying in your current situation is the sacrifice and it may be.

  Who knows? maybe she will wake up one day or things may gradually get better, they can. It is possible to find a way to keep it together and even come to enjoy each other again.

  come and vent often, it helps.

  wishing you peace,

  carla
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  marriedtoajw

  NewChapter said - "Sounds like this will die down soon---she is not consistent. Plan some really nice family things on meeting nights. Lure her away again."

  Yes she is inconsistant but I'm talking 20 years of inconsistency. I don't think that luring her away works. She just stops and starts and it's been going on forever. Since she's baptized, she would have to choose between me and her parents and sisters if she ever decided to leave. Although they only see each other a few times a year, she would probably still drag this on for the rest of our lives. ABibleStudent said - "If you have the money, take a mini 3-day vacation with your wife this weekend." We've also been doing this for years. Maybe I've been more successful at keeping her distracted than I thought but I'm afraid of things getting worst cuz I can barely handle what's going on now. Moshe said - "Unless your wife gets kicked out of the KH, this scenario might repeat itself again and again. " It has, again and again. I'm committed to my wife, for better or worst but we've always had problems communicating and she would never seek counceling. As far as she's concerned, I'm the one with the problem. I was confused for a long time about her personality quirks but when I found this site and others, I was overwhelmingly enlightened. Carla said - "Then, while he was at his numerous meetings (when they still had the other meeting night during the week) I would be on here and the kids would ask what was this place and what was going on, or we would discuss his goofy behavior or comments and why he thought the way he did and I am glad to say that they learned quite a bit about cults and jw-ism." Wow, now see this is what I believe I should do too but as a man, I have a hard time having my boys think badly or feel pitty for their mother. I'm not sure how I would do this but I am feeling something like this is necessary. I feel very strongly about keeping my kids away from this religion, not just because of doctrine, but because of the psychological head trip this religion puts soooo many people through. Commonsence seems lost on JW's. sad to but my wife included.
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  zengalileo

  Don't let the kids go to meetings, please. You may have to get a court order to that effect. Do you celebrate their birthdays? Christmas? How far are you from becoming a "regular worldly person?" Do you see that as an eventuality? now that your mind has worked its way loose, what do you see yourself doing? how is that going to change how you raise your kids? Are you going to let them be in Little League? Ballet lessons for the girls? Yoga, martial arts, etc?
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  jamiebowers

  I've skimmed all of your posts and can't find the ages of your kids. Since you've been married for 20 years, I'm supposing and hoping that they're older. You've already stated that none of them are jws, studying to be jws or even attending the meetings, so at this point the kids must know that something isn't right with their mother's religion. Plus they've probably noticed how weird their mother becomes when she's a gung ho jw.

  Educating your kids about cults, the Watchtower cult in particular, is not turning them aginst their mom. Just be honest with them, and say that their mom is going to be very angry at you for a while, because you will not permit her to take them to the meetings. Then ask them if they know why you are doing what you're doing, and go from there.
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  zengalileo

  That's what I should have said actually.