Sparks are gonna fly in my home (page 2)

marriedtoajw

zengalileo sais - "Don't let the kids go to meetings, please. You may have to get a court order to that effect. Do you celebrate their birthdays? Christmas? How far are you from becoming a "regular worldly person?" Do you see that as an eventuality? now that your mind has worked its way loose, what do you see yourself doing? how is that going to change how you raise your kids? Are you going to let them be in Little League? Ballet lessons for the girls? Yoga, martial arts, etc?

Hi Zengalileo, I'm not a JW and never have been so I guess that makes me "Worldy" in their eyes but I know and my wife and her family knows that I have a strong moral compass grounded in "so called" Christian values. In fact, I would say I'm more conservative than my wife and her family which makes my situation all the more stranger. I think that's why they all held out hope for me for so long that I would eventually be converted. Problem is, I hate manipulation of any kind, no offense but especially by women who abuse the good heart of a man. We celebrate everything, including my wife as I've stated in a previous post.

My kids play sports; ie basketball, baseball, soccer, my daugher is in ballet and we all love it, including my wife. That's what's strange... I can't imagine not having my kids active in the community participating in things that we have done over the years. Yet if I was a JW and raised my kids that way, I truely believe that my wife would be miserable. Being married to me has exposed her to things she would have other wise never experienced. Yet, I'm the one that's suppose to change. Huhhhhh!!!!!

carla

I am not suggesting you trash mom, just inform about the so called religion. My kids would ask why this or that and the only explanation was the newfound jw beliefs.

It is my opinion that jw's with ubm's have it the best. They get to do a lot of things most jw's cannot do all for the sake of 'family harmony' or keeping the peace (whatever phrase they use). They get to go to school functions, ballet, kids games, not to mention things the spouse may like to do. Even holidays! They can go to family holidays, do dinners, and so forth all under the guise of keeping the peace. Not only that but at the hall they can play it up and say how awful it is! Christmas is coming and I have to go to a party or have relatives over and we have a tree in the house! all while they secretly enjoy living like a worldly person and getting all the sympathy at the kh for having to live with such an awful evil worldly person.

In your case you have the upper hand being a male with the extra parts and all! She is supposed to be submissive even to her worldly husband. She is supposed to try and win you over without a word.

keep planning fun things, decorate the house, buy gifts, give your kids as normal of life as you can. If mom feels guilty she has no one to blame but herself. One last thing, surprise her and buy her flowers once and awhile, take her out on a date, do something nice. Yeah, kill 'em with kindness it flusters them. Not only that but she will be more loyal to you and family and you want to show your kids how their mate should treat them right?

Pams girl

Remind her you are head of the household. I hope you manage to give the kids the relevant info they need to make an informed choice. Do as much with the kids as you can, show them what life is about. Love them. Love your wife. I agree with the last paragraph of Carlas very good post above...kids learn by example. Hope things work out for you, take care

Paula x

truth_b_known

It sounds like you and your wife are still married and living together. It also sounds like your children are not adult age and live in the home. Here is my suggestion:

1) Tell your wife that you are ok with her taking the children to the meetings. However, the children must be allowed to choose whether or not they go. 2) Next, depending on the age of the children, you get to teach your children what you believe to be true when it comes to Jehovah's Witnesses doctrine you believe to be incorrect.

She may or may not agree with #1 because Jehovah's Witnesses are taught that they are under divine command to indoctrinate their children. However, she would look completely unreasonable to disagree with #2.

skeeter1

Do you think your kids want to go to the KH with mom? Give your kids an option, they can choose to go to the Kingdom Hall with mom or go to do something alternative with dad. If the kids don't want to go to the KH, then you've won! Explain to your wife that there is no use forcing religion on the kids. They will learn to hate church, god, Jehovah, etc. If they want the religion, they will come to it. A self-found belief is strongest. I'd expalin to your wife that you don't want her to make the kids feel bad if they choose to not go to her religion. Reinforce that your children are individuals.

Cult members see everyone as a group - and thier children's worship affirms the parents stregnth. Having kids who come to the meetings, dress and speak well, it's a status symbol to parents. Plus, the group says that parents who don't teach their children are blood guilty at Armegheddon for their deaths. So, the pressure is on your wife to get her kids to the meetings.

You have to counteract that, and assure her that no loving God would hold a parent responsible for a child's religion, and kill an innocent child at Armegheddon. She knows the JWs don't make sense in many areas, and that's why she is hot/cold with the religion and is agreeable when her kids to do worldly sports.

Always, ask your wife open ended questions. "What if (Johnny) doesn't want to go to church, should the parent make him?" "Should a child make his own mind up on religion?" "Why are you so gung-ho with our kids going to the Kingdom Hall?" etc.

I know one non-JW spouse who started studying with the JWs, just to mentally spar with them. THe JW wife was so happy to have her husband studying, at first. He came home one day to tell his JW wife that, "Brother X says that I am the head of the household.....you are to be submissive...." He played the whole doctrine and role of a dominant husband, and his JW wife was fuming. She got what she wished for, but she was angry. After that, she came out of the Truth. It helped to plant a seed that something wasn't right with this religion. It also helped that another elder's wife admonished her that her wonderful husband could change into an asshole if he became a JW! Do you realize how many JW husbands beat their wives and children, and the elders consider it a 'private matter?' The JWs are not passive, but are violent, inside the four walls of a home. War wages at home.

Skeeter

Band on the Run

I would suggest seeing a family law practicioner for a consultation. Most lawyers give free consultations to drum up business. You never have to do one thing the lawyers suggest. Your rights will be clear to you. A family law expert will attend seminars, etc. where this problem is addressed. I was born in and have vehement feelings about being forced against my will to go to KH. Standing up for the flag salute issue is not fun for a little kid. Neither are holidays and birthdays. You should be able to hear a host of pragmatic suggestions to improve the situation.

This should have been discussed and even documented before marriage. I recommend it to empower yourself. No one need ever know you went.

garyneal

I'm an UBM raising two little girls with my JW spouse. We don't force religion on our kids. If my oldest daughter chooses not to go to church with me, she don't go. Likewise, if she chooses not to go to the hall with my wife, she don't go. Sometimes we tell her that she has to go to at least one of them on Sunday, but we rarely enforce it. The littlest one goes to the hall with my wife on Wednesday (giving the oldest one and me time together), I don't go to church on Wednesdays. The littlest one will go with me to church on some sundays (particularly if the oldest don't go), but not always.

In regards to holidays, I celebrate, the kids celebrate, and even the wife on occasion celebrates.

My wife and I question religion pretty regularly, hers and mine. It's okay to have faith, but we try to be reasonable. She wants to be a witness but not agree with all the doctrines, I know better and know this is not possible (at least not openly). I have friends of some people in my church on facebook. Ocassionally, I post questionable stuff on my facebook wall regarding the Christian faith. No one has 'called me on the carpet' for it.

You are the head, my friend, and you can try being more assertive about your concerns. Don't let her walk all over you with her religion, lest she wants you to walk all over with your beliefs (or lack of them). Make that clear. Be a good example for your kids and stay involved in their lives. I wish you the best.

ShadesofGrey

What have you tried? Have you read "How to Rescue Your Loved One from the Watchtower?" This contains photocopies from actual Watchtower literature that are gone through in order to release her mind from the lie that the JWs are God's channel.

One thing that gets a lot of people out is knowing that the JWs are actually not basing their teachings on the Bible. Have you seen exgileadmissionary on youtube?

Have you contacted a missionary specializing in cults? Baptist World Cult Evangelism, etc.?

If these things don't work on your wife, at least you would have more resources for your kids. I apologize if you have made use of these already.

Shades

NewChapter

Yes she is inconsistant but I'm talking 20 years of inconsistency. I don't think that luring her away works. She just stops and starts and it's been going on forever

Yeah, that was my point. You can only handle these episodes one at a time. Right now she's full of fire, lure her away. It will happen again---and then you can lure her away again. You only have so much control, so just try to lower the impact the best you can.

NC

wannabefree

Turmoil in the world brings the JW back to the fore.

Kingdom Halls had a surge in attendance after the Twin Towers attack on 9/11/01 but it eventually died back down.

Present economic turmoil and world conditions have possibly triggered her cult mind.

Unless you can remove the cult from her mind, it will likely never end.

You might consider reading "Combatting Cult Mind Control" and "Releasing the Bonds" www.freedomofmind.com

Sparks are gonna fly in my home

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