Even the Gestapo or KGB can't know what happens behind closed doors. I was physically and emotinally abused. A public school education and TV gave me some knowledge that it was wrong and maybe I should seek help. The honor your father commandment and all the JW deference knocked out any action on my part. I've posted this before but at the risk of repeating. As long as I was beat and dehumanized, I felt I was bad. Afterwards, I would ponder my inherent badness for days and weeks. I never saw anything wrong in my conduct. Servility was so strong in me. So I felt because he was parent, I was inherently bad, such as a demon would be. In a very rare event, my mom shook me terribly and demanded to know why I was so bad. The shaking was far more dangerous than a beating. I searched desperately for an answer. No answer.
One night my brother and sister were beat, too. It was crystal clear to me that they were not bad. I was a teen fashion magazine maven. Seventeen mag had an advice column. I secretly sent off a letter asking for help for my siblings. Fearing reading it in the mag, I was comforted when they sent me a return letter. They told me he was 100% wrong and to call an agency. I walked far away from home to use a pay phone. The money for the pay phone was a problem. I tried about fifteen times. Jehovah would strike me dead on the spot. I gave up before I even completed a single call.
My mom found my crumpled letter and she called. We received counseling. I was still abused but someone was there for me to vent to. As a teenager, I was much more interested in equity and justice than safety. I was thirteen and fairly outgoing. Besides fear of making things even worse, the sheer embrassment of the situation was a strong force in denial. Children are not adults.
The only way I can see to stop this is to empower children to rat inappropriate conduct regardless of the source. Another thing is that when I was young, beating was considered normal, esp. in ethnic households. I am certain my father was abused. It is multigenerational without intervention. As an adult, I knew in my soul that if I had children, I would need to be in constant therapy and monitor myself. Strangers who sense something is wrong should be encouraged to trust their gut instincts. Certainly, the social welfare officials who visited the home should have liability for the grossest negligence. I fear too much government involvement in the home. Yet if any of my teachers who had to know (b/c my friends told them) truly pressed me, and made it more about my welfare than my parents being lousy, I may have risked telling them.
My childhood dream was to protect children. When I had the qualifications, I feared not being able to function if I did. B/c of the Penn State furor, I am in touch to find out info. about being a child advocate. I would feel honored to do it.