I finally drove off my wonderful jw wife...and i am so sad..

by oompa 47 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Hey Oompa, sorry to hear your troubles.

  Just so everyone is clear, maybe you can explain a bit more. I am under the impression that you could have worked things out, but it would have involved stifling your real self and your voice about "the lie." You would have had to accept that you could either live within "the lie" to keep your mutual friends and social life, or you could have no social life.

  I just want everyone to be clear because they may be thinking your wife didn't try to work it out, but had to leave you.

  If that ain't quite right, please help us out here.

  Otherwise, strength to you.
• 

  crazyblondeb

  ERic...

  so what is the rest of the story??

  U know we all love u!! But come on....

  shells
• 

  Aussie Oz

  It hurts Oompa

  But don't give up on yourself. Allow some self pity, even loathing if you must. But realize that every cloud has a silver lining. You will heal if you choose to and if you do, you will find that there are other wonderful people in your future.

  Feeling guilty about wanting a better life is wrong. Beware, you will give her everything including your shirt in that mindset.

  These are the darkest hours before dawn...

  Stay safe

  oz
• 

  scary21

  That's what I was thinking broken promises............IMO when you made love to that other woman......the way you talked about it.......the earth moved and such , your marriage was over. I'm not the judge. I totally understand, you can love more than one person in differant ways, but the way you went on about your sex life with this other woman.................. call me a hopeless romantic, but I thought you were in love with this new woman.............Maybe it's just a woman thing, but the way you described it I would have thought you were in love.....was it in lust.... Help me out................ I just don't get it ??????? lots of hugs , and a couple little kisses on your cheek. your friend Sherry
• 

  oompa

  I really do not blame her for leaving me...and i did feel trapped in very odd marriage...so i should be happy right?...but im not...after three years of being shunned and this great division growing in our marriage...it was always there...and with totally separate social lives you may meet a woman who makes you feel special...who actually made me feel good about myself for the first time in a very long time...and thats wrong on just about every level....i left my wife once for another woman...and she took me back...and i have been faithful since then...but this time it is due to the religion...it is so hard to be in a marriage when i will always be viewed with contempt by her friends

  two shrinks have actually diagnosed me PTSD...just like the horrors of war this religion haunts me still...OMG she even got a JW lawyer to help fight the apostate! I wonder how much the loss of half my assets at age 50 is affecting me? i say that because it is scary.... I did well in biz and most would consider me wealthy... i have no pension to look forward to but had enough assets maybe to be ok...but no more....now i am worried about the next 15 years...no 30...i feel so unprepared for old age because i was raised to believe i would never grow old or die...what a mindfluck!....oompa

  thanks all
• 

  rebel8

  Get help for yourself, oompa. Then work on the relationship issue.

  Your brain is not going to let you cope effectively until you heal its chemistry. Medicating yourself with alcohol is going to continue to eliminate your ability to cope, sort things out, and avoid depression.

  It will ultimately kill you too.
• 

  nancy drew

  I'm very sorry for your pain

  The organization is to blame for all this distress it is a wicked and selfish organiztion that will do whatever it takes to ensure it's own survival. It will take your family hostage and make it's demands and it will expect you to let your children die at it's command. It will isolate people so that leaving is painful and lonely and it will leave you w/o resources to live on.

  One can give in and empower it but when you know these things you destroy yourself everyday you pretend.

  The hopeful part is were all here and we're growing and one day that organization will self destruct

  May it be tomorrow
• 

  Quandry

  Oompa

  I am sorry things are as they are. It was devastating to go through all the stuff we were confronted with when we found out the real truth about the organization. My parents hated JWs so I had little use for them. They are both gone now...wouldn't I love to spend just one day with them and let them know that I no longer have any association with the JWs. But that opportunity is gone forever.

  One thing I have now found out...you can't go back. You MUST make some goals...then strive without wavering to accomplish them. I was 53 when I left....not easy to start fresh. One goal I made was to get a degree. I will graduate in one more year. I must work full time, so can only take two classes at a time. You must find something to strive for, be it sharpen up your business skills, get your career on a new track, education, etc.

  I know how it is, also, to have no retirement, as I also "knew" I wasn't going to have to retire or die in "this system." Well, of course, that was a load of $#*t too.

  There are many good things ahead for you. Don't allow JWs to have another minute of your time and life by looking back, or grabbing for a bottle. Be the person you decide you want to be. You chart the course, now.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  i feel so unprepared for old age because i was raised to believe i would never grow old or die...what a mindfluck!....oompa

  Oompa, I am totally able to relate to that feeling. I think it's a resentment. We were lied to......lead to believe a falsehood. OR, are we mad at ourselves for falling for it all this time? or what? I'd feel like the ultimate dumbass if it wasn't that there are SO MANY of us. Unfortunately, my Significant Other is still mostly asleep about TTATT (although I'm beginning to see cracks in the armor), but fortunately our marriage is intact and a priority to us both.

  Peace to you.

  DOC
• 

  Indian Larry

  Mickey Mouse, thanks so much for posting that video. That is perfect for my wife. I plan on showing it to her tomorrow. I have been married quite a long time and I have always had a wonderful relationship with my wife who is a fantastic person. It is only lately that I am starting to worry about my marrage. I think I will follow the advice in the video. I would hate it if I lost her over my distrust of 7 old men in Brooklyn. I will play it sloooooooow, and hopefully, eventually we can both be in the "real truth" and not an organization.