Help! My brother wants to hate me.

strymeckirules

tonight i tried to contact my blood brother. i am 32 he is 30.

he was baptised at 10 and df'd at 12, 22 and now he would have been again but he walked away.

i made no progress with our reunite. he's hating on me for leaving the family. and he's holding against me abuse we gave eachother when we were 10-15.

he will not accept the jws are a cult. he almost hung up on me when i mentioned it. he won't research them at all. so it's impossible for him to see the reason that we were manipulated as children.

he had a divorce last year and claims he could have used his big brother then. i had sent him a text saying "little brother, i am here if you need me" but i got ZERO response from him. now it wasn't enough. even though he made no effort to talk, it's my fault for not supporting him during his divorce(he pulled a tiger woods on his wife. many girls and then she found out)

he claims to know me and my actions, but he only knows the "cult" personality i had, which was a holyer than thou attitude.

i told him i don't judge him or his actions, and to forgive whatever i did to offend him.

he hung up on me while i was apologizing for being a dick when we were kids.

now, we were also best friends growing up. so he's not being very truthful.

i think he's hurt from me leaving, but he fails to understand WHY i left. and the reason is the cult he doesn't admit to. leaving due to religious differneces is not a good reason.

i really want to fix this but HOW? do i keep calling him, he won't answer. do i send him texts? emails? what do i say?

he's good at guilt trips and he will manipulate and leave out facts to make a guilt point.

i have a fantasic memory so i recall what really happened. and i have to remind him, and then he changes the subject to another guilt trip.

frusteratiing to say the least. i could go the rest of my life without talking to him, but i don't want the cult to win.

i am in with my extended family ever since i left the cult. he only has his immediate mom, dad and sister, who have shuned him.

so now he is asking my grandparents for money. they are on pension and you get the idea.

i guess i'm mad he hasn't asked me for money or help, i am well to do. he says he doesn't want my help anymore.

everything was fine 4 years ago as they were luring me into the cult. now i'm cult free and we have to hate eachother due to past unresolved problems.

ask me any questions to help you give me advice in this situation. i don't know how to combat the cult with success when it comes to family members.

i have a feeling this is going to be futile....

Iamallcool

(bookmarked)

strymeckirules

so i prayed about it and....

i got an answer. but you'll think i'm crazy. but it was a message for me so that's what matters.

i'm supposed to keep showing love. that's all i can do. and if he chooses to not accept the love and continues to hate, he will be held accountable.

so i think i'm gonna keep sending him brotherly love texts and try to bring him out of his shell.

hopefully love wins.

i still kinda see this whole thing as a test for me. i have to be the bigger "man of god" here.

what will a human do when he's raised in a cult and he sees the light but his family demonizes him?

will he buckle for the family or stand firm with god?

i am Job.

(i guess it's not as bad as he had it.)

anyways i will still like to hear any advice for brotherly love text messages.

Ding

It sounds to me like the ball is in his court. You were trying to apologize and he hung up on you. If he wants you to do something, at some point he's going to have to talk with you and tell you what it is.

He doesn't accept that the religion is a cult and got angry when you told him that it is one. At least you know that the direct approach doesn't work.

You can't fix the relationship all by yourself. He's going to have to cooperate. Until he's willing to talk with you, there's not a whole lot you can do.

You might send him an email saying something like, "If you want to talk and try to reconcile, I'm willing." I'd keep it simple and see what happens.

GLTirebiter

I think you heard the answer correctly. Brotherly love and forgiveness is not only the Christian thing to do, but your best chance to heal the rift. The Job analogy is an apt one! Don't give up hope, and don't give in to manipulation. I hope and pray that he will eventually come around and recognize who the difference between unconditional love and the shallow imitation sold by the Watchtower.

Black Sheep

Just because he's DF etc. doesn't mean he's 'out'.

If he is not mentally out, and you are trying to convert him to some other religious beliefs, you have really got your work cut out.

If you want a relationship with your bro, leave god out of it.

Band on the Run

We grew up in massive violence and emotional abuse. It was difficult being JWs in the 1950s. Everything was rah rah America. I wanted to scream rah rah, too. I sought help for the violence. My life is spent on relationships that were distorted. My siblings believe the abuse only occurred in the past and that it is silly to think about it. Water under the bridge. My sibling relationships are a shambles. Reading books and therapy helped. My family is outlined so adroitly in these books. Therapists ask what do I expect with such dysfunction. My sister is now a Catholic. She lives three minutes away. I rarely see her. Hopefully, I knew she would be alone tomorrow so I asked her if she wanted the two of us to do something to commemorate the day. It was a mistake.

No matter what the books and agencies say it hurts deeply. Only as an adult can I separate my siblings from the roles into which we were forced. I thought they were irresponsible jerks. Achieving was not their thing. I recall horrible events involving them and could cry forever that such fundamentally good and interesting people had to undergo what happened. Somehow I am certain if we could just give each other a chance we could find unity. I love them deeply. When I was younger, I doubted that. I saw them through the abuse. It skewed my eyesight. So sad.

My brother went from the Witnesses into an even worse political cult. It damaged his health. My mom used to be glued to the TV set on May Day, praying for a camera to pick up his presence so we would know if he were alive. He came around for about six months before she died and then disappeared.

I pray that some event will stop denial. The abuse made me do things that I deeply regret. It is all so banal. If we met fresh, we would get along. I'm thinking of Scarlet O'Hara in Gone with the Wind. There is always tomorrow.

Your post deeply moved me.

strymeckirules

thank you for your support.

different perspectives are nice to hear.

if it wasn' t for all you, i would have no one else who really understands the incredible forces of a mind control cult. it takes forever to try to explain how they think to normal people. they just can't understand the mindset.

i don't know if he is df'd. all i know is he should have been and he walked away. rumoured to be dating a girl who celebrates christmas. i was suprised he defended them. but he hasn't unravelled their secrets yet. so he will live with fear and doubt until then. sucks cause i can help fill in the blanks but he looks down on me spiritually. good ole jdubs.

how often should i try to contact him? daily? weekly? monthly?

Twisty

I'm not sure if it has been mentioned but he may feel some sort of jealousy whether consciously or not because you are well to do and he is accepting money from pensioners.

I might be off base.

Twisty

exwhyzee

he was baptised at 10 and df'd at 12,

Can you imagine hearing them announce in front of a Congregation full of people that a 12 year old was disfelloshipped and then being expected to shun him ? Imagine being that kid ?

That sounds like a thread in itself !

Help! My brother wants to hate me.

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