"Extreme physical abuse" only grounds for separation, NOT divorce.

by cedars 45 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  cedars

  Hi everyone

  Forgive me if I'm a bit slow with the title to this thread. The true absurdity of the cult that robbed me of my intellect for so long is still beginning to dawn on me.

  I'm doing more research into domestic violence as part of a response to the notorious "wife beating" article in the Feb 2012 Watchtower.

  I was shocked to find a Question From Readers in the w75 5/1 p286-288 which basically said that a battered wife would not be scripturally free to divorce her husband. My first reaction was that this stance MUST have changed since 1975, but then I dipped into my own memory from serving as an elder, and of course, adultery (including porneia) is given as the ONLY scriptural grounds for divorce down to this day.

  Please can somebody correct me if I'm wrong, preferably with a reference? I really hope I am mistaken, but I have a feeling that this bizarre rule is still in force. Basically, a battered wife is ONLY allowed to have sex with the husband who bashes her and NOBODY ELSE for the rest of her life. That's mercy for ya.

  Look forward to your thoughts and responses.

  Cedars
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  cantleave

  Yes - I think it's reinforced in the God's Love book.
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  cedars

  Thanks cantleave, I'll check that ironically entitled book for the final word on the matter...

  Cedars
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  cedars

  Bingo... thanks again cantleave...

  ***

  lvpp.220-221TheBible’sViewonDivorceandSeparation

  ***

  In certain extreme situations, some Christians have decided to separate from or divorce a marriage mate even though that one has not committed fornication. In such a case, the Bible stipulates that the departing one “remain unmarried or else make up again.” (1 Corinthians 7:11) Such a Christian is not free to pursue a third party with a view to remarriage. (Matthew 5:32) Consider here a few exceptional situations that some have viewed as a basis for separation.

  Willful

  nonsupport. A family may become destitute, lacking the basic essentials of life, because the husband fails to provide for them, although being able to do so. The Bible states: “If anyone does not provide for . . . members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.” (1 Timothy 5:8) If such a man refuses to change his ways, the wife would have to decide whether she needs to protect her welfare and that of her children by obtaining a legal separation. Of course, Christian elders should give careful consideration to an accusation that a Christian refuses to support his family. Refusal to care for one’s family may result in disfellowshipping.

  Extreme

  physicalabuse. An abusive spouse may act so violently that the abused mate’s health and even life are in danger. If the abusive spouse is a Christian, congregation elders should investigate the charges. Fits of anger and a practice of violent behavior are grounds for disfellowshipping.—Galatians 5:19-21.

  Absolute

  endangermentofspirituallife. A spouse may constantly try to make it impossible for the mate to pursue true worship or may even try to force that mate to break God’s commands in some way. In such a case, the threatened mate would have to decide whether the only way to “obey God as ruler rather than men” is to obtain a legal separation.—Acts 5:29.

  In all cases involving such extreme situations as those just discussed, no one should put pressure on the innocent mate either to separate or to stay with the other. While spiritually mature friends and elders may offer support and Bible-based counsel, they cannot know all the details of what goes on between a husband and a wife. Only Jehovah can see that. Of course, a Christian wife would not be honoring God or the marriage arrangement if she exaggerated the seriousness of her domestic problems just to live separately from her husband, or vice versa. Jehovah is aware of any scheming behind a separation, no matter how one may try to hide it. Indeed, “all things are naked and openly exposed to the eyes of him with whom we have an accounting.” (Hebrews 4:13) But if an extremely dangerous situation persists, no one should criticize a Christian who, as a last resort, chooses to separate. In the final analysis, “we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God.”—Romans 14:10-12.
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  blondie

  The real point is not that you can't get divorced or separate, it's that you cannot remarry "scripturally. " I have never heard of any jw being df'd for getting a secular divorce or separation. But I have known jws to get df'd because they married later without a reason the elders felt was "scriptural." I have known brothers to lose "privileges" because they divorced or separated secularly but not df'd just for that. Sisters don't have many privileges to take away. (My jw mother separated from my father in the 70's and she was not dfd, not even when she divorced him. She did not remarry till after my father remarried though.)
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  sabastious

  Their shackles are created by their idolatry of the Bible. All their woes stem from their stubborn grasp to Biblical inerrancy. "Is the Bible God's word or mans?" Is a question that only biblical inerrancy can answer in their minds. It is a profound misconception that has created so much pain!!!!

  -Sab
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  Weana

  Cedars, As you say you were an elder, I trust you know the difference between a "biblical divorce" (right to marry another partner; only one reason: fornication) and a "legal divorce" (no consequences in congregation for such a divorce if reason for divorce was physical abuse [or a few other reasons], but no right to marry another partner).
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  cedars

  Yes Weana, I understand the difference between secular and scriptural divorce/seperation. The effect I've described is the same if you are serious about your faith. A wife who wants to leave a husband who beats her can forget about re-marrying and holding on to her faith, which (assuming she's been brought up in the religion) to her mind is the only means of salvation and sole domain for any meaningful relationship with her family members. She must therefore live as a spinster for the rest of her days and forget any notion of having a relationship that is both loving AND intimate with any other man if she takes her faith seriously and/or wants to maintain contact with any indoctrinated children that the abusive relationship may have yielded.

  Again, correct me if I'm wrong.

  Cedars
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  nugget

  The society insists that the only grounds for a scriptual divorce is fornication/adultery. This creates misery when the marriage is not working but there is no freedom to leave. The implication is that separation should be temporary and the couple should reunite in the future.

  The worrying idea is that a woman suffering abuse may be accused of exaggerating domestic problems. What would a woman need to do and what constitutes a situation that is serious enough to leave the abuse? Surely one time being used as a punching bag is sufficient for a woman to decide to leave but this implies that abuse needs to continue for a long time to the point when her life may be in danger. At what point do we reach the tipping point from abuse to life threatening and who is supposed to make that judgement? Too soon and the elders suggest she isn't hurt enough and too late and the woman is dead.

  What is sickening is that if a mate makes it difficult to attend meetings then that is ok and they are free to leave. The priorities here are scewed. Not getting to the watchtower is hardly life threatening.
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  Heaven

  A guy in my Dad's congregation divorced his wife due to her hoarding problem (instead of getting her the help she needed). I said to my Dad "Why would they allow him to divorce? That isn't scriptural." There was dead silence. Oh, and that funny look on his face... you know the one... the deer caught in the headlights look.

  I personally don't give a rat's A$$ what's in the bible. You thump on me, I'm gone.

  By the way, in the province of Ontario, Canada, if you are separated from your spouse for 7 years or over, the law considers you legally divorced. The law doesn't give a rat's A$$ about the bible either.