Hello and welcome, marriedtoajw!
I believe that my wife and her family are using Theocratic Warfare stragegies in trying to indoctrinate my kids behind my back. Do any of you think it would be helpful to call them on it or at least question her about what Theocratic Warfare is ?
I'm a non-jw whose brother was married to a jw. My ex-SIL tried everything possible to influence their children, but my brother insisted on giving them a balanced perspective and not forcing meeting and/or service attendence etc. The marriage was of course very stressful and ended when the children were in their teens. None of the children became jws.
As I understand it, to a believing jw, slanting the picture isn't deception, or "theocratic warfare" (I've only seen that phrase used in old lit, usually wrt lying by omission in court). Over-influencing, pressuring, guilt tripping, leaving "hard-core" stuff out, is just a way of life for them. If education and the internet are demonised, and all your info comes from a single biassed source, it's easy to prevent logical thinking and reality checking.
I'd concentrate on teching the children critical thinking, and making sure they get a sound education. Give them alternatives to the jw way of life, fun alternatives. You are after all the head of the household (in jw terms).
As for calling your wife and family on it; you know them best. It is likely, however, to set up their defenses. The wt literature encourages them to fear and abhor any who try to "weaken their faith", and this could stress your marriage.
Best wishes in your difficult situation, Retro.