I cannot believe my father called me to ask this!

by serenitynow! 61 Replies latest jw friends

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  serenitynow!

  So my father, a JW bum who abandoned us when we were children to be with his pioneer whore, called me tonight and left a message. This is surprising because I have not seen or spoken to him for a couple of years, other than to leave a message a couple of weeks ago to tell him that I had to hospitalize my sister for being suicidal.

  I found out about a week ago that one of his very good friends, a brother whose family used to go to the hall with us and used to be close to when we were children is dying in the hospital after having a couple of strokes and a heart attack. They've been talking about taking him off of the ventilator for a few days. Anyway, my father called me to ask me to go to the hospital with him to see this brother. Why he would ask me is strange. I do know that my sister told me that she will not be going to this brother's funeral because of not wanting to see one of his family members that will be there. I've always considered my father to be a weak man, so I guess him being fearful of going to the hospital on his own to see his friend should not be surprising.

  I'm just shocked that he would have the audacity to call me to ask for help.

  I can't begin to express the emotional toll that his abandonment had on me, both as a child and now as an adult.

  Just over 10 years ago, when I was very much an active, believing JW, I was taking care of my JW grandma who had Alzheimer's. My mother, sister and nephew were about to be homeless, and I went to my father at his congregation and begged him to take my sister and nephew in. He flatly refused. I met with him, the entire BOE with the CO (son of a bitch Roseborough) and cried my eyes out, I was so stressed and frustrated. He just sat there smirking at me, the elders refused to step in and condemn him for his lack of concern for his own kid, and all they did was scowl at me they were so angry. My sister and nephew spent months at a homeless shelter, while he lived in a 2 story home and was an active JW. Mind you, he never even gave me a reason why he would not help his own child.

  When grandma died, and I went through a very long period of debilitating depression, not once did he contact me to provide emotional support.

  So now all of the sudden, he wants me to go and provide emotional support for him. Son of a bitch!

  I know it's Christmas and all, but fuck him!
• 

  EntirelyPossible

  Fuck him right in the ass with a red hot fire poker.
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  serenitynow!

  That's what I'm saying, EP!
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  mrsjones5

  He made his bed, let him sleep it in.
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  wha happened?

  The fear of getting old and becoming an invalid is far scarier than trying to be a parent. So I guess this is an audition for you to change his diapers
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  serenitynow!

  I know some people will think that I am cruel and vindictive, but I have long awaited the day where he needed me more than I needed him. Since all those days when I wanted and needed my father and he refused to be there I have awaited the day where he would need me. I have always suspected that my father was just an opportunist, a user. And he is. He is now taking care of his last living sister, who has Alzheimer's. He is probably only caring for her because she is giving him a place to stay. He sees now how hard it is, and he is seeing his own mortality; he will be 65 or 66 in January, and having been a window washer with tax problems all his life, I am sure he does not have adequate retirement plans. I honestly believe that is the only reason that he has reconnected with my sister. My sister will probably be kindhearted enough to care for him in his declining years. Not me. Nothing would please me more than seeing him dying alone in an alley somewhere.

  We should all better believe that you reap what you sow.
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  Azazel

  for you serenitynow! sounds like too little too late for him.Be strong for your sister.

  Az
• 

  Black Sheep

  If he is giving you an opportunity to show him what an ass he has been....

  ..... don't waste it.
• 

  Morbidzbaby

  Wow, seren, I'm sorry that you have such a rotten person for a "father". Like you, I wouldn't give him another moment of my time.

  I actually had grandparents who were cruel to my mom and her sister and treated their kids (my 2 cousins, and myself and my brother) like shit our entire lives. For example, when their "golden" grandkids were visiting, they could open the refrigerator and get whatever they wanted, and grandma wouldn't bat an eyelash. In fact, she encouraged it... "Whatever you want, you know where the fridge is" with a big smile. If we "black sheep" grandkids even dared to ask for a drink, we got a dirty look and "There's water in the sink". Many times I invited them to come and see me sing, tickets were provided free of charge and we would have picked them up and brought them home...they always had some excuse not to go. When my grandfather was in the hospital having bypass surgery, he kept bragging about how "Your cousin so-and-so got straight A's this year!" but always commented on how much I needed to lose weight (I was fucking 10 years old!!).

  When grandma died, I felt kind of relieved that she was gone. I cried, but only because of the fact that she was such a fucking BITCH that she never let us get close to her and there was no reason for it whatsoever. I was there when she kicked, but I honestly just wanted to make sure she was really gone. She did tell me she loved me the night she died (I was staying overnight at the hospital with my mom watching over her), but I ignored it and rolled her over to position her and prevent bedsores. I was completely anguished when she died simply because she died without me knowing WHY she treated me the way she did. I got no answers. And that is what hurt. I think I did all that I did for her when she was dying simply because I was hoping she'd give me an answer and regret that she treated me the way she did...like maybe she'd realize that I'm a good person and she fucked up.

  Before grandpa died, he had been in a nursing home temporarily. I hadn't seen him in about 5 or 6 years...in that time I had children and had been divorced. You know what he said to me?? More counsel on my weight, and telling me that I need to set the example for my kids so they wouldn't be fat like me. Oh and tsk-tsking me because I got divorced. "When you get married, it's FOR LIFE! You're just like your aunts, getting divorced and breaking up the family". The last day I saw him, I turned to the side and he laughed and said "Gee, do you have another one in there?" and I just turned around and looked him in the eyes and said "NO, I'm just fucking FAT or haven't you figured that out by now??". The next day he had a major heart attack and I refused to go see him in the hospital. He died the following day. I didn't shed a tear for the bastard.

  Some people aren't worth helping. Some aren't worth giving your time to in any capacity. Seems like your father is one of them. So let him wallow in his fear and misery. YOU be happy and, in my opinion, you should just forget he even exists. Let him die alone, that's the fate he MADE for himself.
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  transhuman68

  Why don't you meet up with your father and shirt-front him? Give him a real ear-bashing... What have you got to lose?

  Put him in the picture and let him know how you feel...it's better than bottling it up and suffering in silence.